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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get so angry about the no compromise attitude of my kids headmistress

526 replies

twinsplus1sfb · 17/04/2015 09:19

Arghhhhh - need to vent.
Situation - I have 3 kids (2 in Yr2, 1 in yr 4). They have never been abroad experienced an aeroplane different culture etc etc.
Their grandad has booked an expensive family holiday abroad, unfortunately he got mixed up with the dates and booked it for the week before half term.
I put a holiday form in and got a phone call from the school - apparently that is SATs week for my twins.
We have looked into changing the dates - no can do.
So - and here's where I get angry - I went to the head and told her the situation and asked her if there was any way we could work together around this, could the kids stay late after school one day or come in at the weekend before the SATS or come in in the half term after SATS.
I just got a flat NO to every option I suggested - she said it would affect their grades, and their whole school career. I asked if there was anything I could do - and she said "Cancel the holiday, oh and there will be a fine"
I understand that taking them out is not acceptable - but come on school - can we not compromise??? Help a little??? I dont even mind paying the fine, I'm just so upset that she cant even work with me on them taking their SATS on a different day or different time - is it really that strict? Would all of the headmistresses out there say that?
My kids have 100% attendance, they have never missed any school for holiday reasons ever before - its so peed off - and its going to ruin my holiday. Any advice? Any body had nice experiences with their heads? Is there anything I can do so that my kids can take their SATS?

OP posts:
Tweennightmare · 17/04/2015 09:37

Ok different stance. If you are happy about sucking up the fine just take the holiday forget about the SATS . At the end of the day what is the significance of yr2 SATS? I say this with the hindsight of having teenagers I would be hard pushed to remember even what my kids got in year 2 and it certainly didn't affect their school career (melodramatic or what!) . You are not moving schools the teachers know where your children are they don't need SATs exam results to support this. Just let it go and enjoy your holiday

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 17/04/2015 09:37

The yr 2 sats can be taken any time between september and may, but it's up to the school to decide when to take them and if they decide they only want to do it that week, then it's tough.

YABVU to think that the teacher should give up their evening, weekends or HT to come in and administer the tests so you can have a guilt free holiday though.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 17/04/2015 09:38

Also I do agree that yabu about taking the tests at a different time, that is weird, teachers/staff acn't just workout of hours to suit you. But I understand that due to the V unreasonable holiday rules you are clutching at straws.

Seriously go and don't worry abut the affect on their education -there won't be any.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 17/04/2015 09:39

I understand this must be very frustrating, but I'm afraid your suggestion about the DCs going in the evening/weekend/holiday said it all; did you really think the staff should arrange things just for you? And why say you want to "work with them" when what you actually you just expect them to provide what you want?

Head can still agree exceptions for genuinely exceptional circumstances - and quite right too - but a mistake over dates just isn't . As others have said, your anger is in the wrong direction

Mehitabel6 · 17/04/2015 09:40

I would have hoped that you were joking about expecting the staff to come in after school, at the weekend or in half term to accommodate your holiday! However it seems you are serious.
There is no compromise the Head can make.
You have 2 options
Cancel
Miss the SATs and take the fine

MidniteScribbler · 17/04/2015 09:42

Hang on, you fucked up a holiday booking, so you expect a teacher to give up their weekend to come in and do the testing, so your precious little children can still go and lay on the beach that week?

What planet are you living on?

HermiaDream · 17/04/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

redcaryellowcar · 17/04/2015 09:44

Just out of interest and not really answering the thread question at all, but what would happen if a parent didn't pay the fine, is it a taking parents to court type situation?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 17/04/2015 09:45

Can you afford the fine?

You know YABU to ask teachers to come in at weekend and half term but I understand that you obviously really want to go on holiday and it was a genuine mistake.
Even so- the school can't accomodate you- if you can afford the fine and want to go then go- just don't expect the school to support you in that.

Heels99 · 17/04/2015 09:46

Yes if the £1200 fine isn't paid it increases and goes to court and csn end up much larger.

But £1200 isn't much to pay for a ho,I day for a week and grandad is footing the holiday cost, op said it was a different culture somewhere expensive so presumably long haul somewhere

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 09:48

Redcaryellowcar

"You could get a fine of up to £2,500, a community order or a jail sentence up to 3 months. The court also gives you a Parenting Order."

Taken from this link

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 17/04/2015 09:48

Yes, if you don't pay the fine they take you to court. Which will cost a lot more. Possibly they double the fine first though if you don't pay it within 28 days.

I think the fine will be £60 per child per parent per period of absence though, rather than per day. They did talk about increasing it to per day but I don't think they did.

KERALA1 · 17/04/2015 09:49

What bastards those teachers are. Not giving up their (limited) free time so an old man they have never met can save a few hundred pounds. Don't know how they sleep at night.

WorraLiberty · 17/04/2015 09:50

The thing is, the two most common excuses for term time holidays are imaginary deaths in the family, and grandparents who arrange surprise holidays but get the dates wrong.

IKnowRight · 17/04/2015 09:51

Seeing as how Grandad has fucked up the booking, and it's his fault that they will miss their tests, couldn't you ask him to pay the fine... after all he's prob saved a packet by booking the week before HT instead of HT itself.

I think you're massively unreasonable to ask the school to rearrange their plans to accommodate your holiday - can you imagine the chaos if every parent decided to do the same? Your reasons are no more valid than anyone else's would be. I get that Y2 SATS can be taken at any time, however your children's school has already timetabled them in for that week, and imo shouldn't have to move them. And as for the weekend/during half term thing, well, words fail me tbh.

Which is more important to you OP, the sats or the holiday? That's your choice.

Goldmandra · 17/04/2015 09:51

Their SATS results will mean diddly squat to their whole school careers. It's the school that is affected by them, not the child.

Find out how much the fine will be and make your decision based on that. It could well be no more than £120. It depends on the policy your LA has.

If they really want your DCs to take the SATS they will just have to get them to do them on their own in the corner of the classroom during normal lessons after they get back from your holiday. It really isn't a big deal.

Minesril · 17/04/2015 09:52

No, teachers cannot come into school at evenings or weekends.

They spend that time working, at home, on marking and lesson planning and resource making to ensure that your little cherub gets the best education they can manage.

But your dismissal of the SATs indicates that you really don't care about the hard work the teacher has put into getting your children ready for them.

MrsPeabody · 17/04/2015 09:54

Miss the sats and go on holiday.

I thought this was Aibu for a minute. The head needs to stick to the party line, but sats aren't going to determine your children's lives.

Jackieharris · 17/04/2015 09:55

I don't agree with fines (we don't have them here).

I don't agree with testing 7yos either. (We don't have sats here either)

If the fine's not a problem for you, fine.

I'd be annoyed at gf for getting the booking wrong.

I wouldn't expect the school to do anything to adjust their timetable to suit you.

hackmum · 17/04/2015 09:55

I don't agree that this will affect their school career. Year 2 SATS are really not very important.

But I do think it's outrageous that you expect teachers to give up their evenings or weekends for your convenience. Teachers are really busy people. (Apart from which, if they're actually sitting papers rather than being judged on teacher assessment, then the school can't take the risk of answers being leaked out.)

Take the holiday and pay the fine. And have a word with their grandfather: he surely could have checked the dates with you beforehand?

IsabellaofFrance · 17/04/2015 09:58

I don't agree that this will affect their school career. Year 2 SATS are really not very important.

Except that they provide the baseline for the whole of KS2.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 17/04/2015 10:00

MenopausalMaud

I imagine that you are not the only family in your school requesting 'a compromise' which is why the school cannot really work around your request.

I work in a school (not a teacher) and we get many 'special requests' like this - each family thinking that their case is more special than the rest.
They too generally blame someone else for the booking.

That is the crux of it.

OP is talking about taking TWO y2 kids out if SATs? In my kids' school that would make a difference of over 6% to the scores.it will make a difference to the school, including OP's children.

Does anyone REALLY book an expensive holiday without checking the dates?

listsandbudgets · 17/04/2015 10:04

Go on holiday, pay the fine and forget the SATs.

Lots of private schools don't even do SATs at all - ever. Do you see private school children having their entire school career ruined because they don't do them?

Next time check, check and double check the dates.

muminhants · 17/04/2015 10:06

SATS scores are meaningless - they measure the school not the child. Even if they are in Y6 and they miss them the secondary school they move up would use teacher assessment to put them in sets and do their own tests.

I agree with the holiday rules - there are 13 weeks in the year when children can be taken out of school.

You have two options here - either take them out regardless and pay the fine, or see how much it would cost to rearrange the holiday. If it really is £60 per child per parent per day it might be cheaper to pay whatever it would cost to change the dates of the holiday.

Teachers cannot rearrange their lives for people who don't check holiday dates before booking holidays for family members.

SpeckleDust · 17/04/2015 10:07

I'd take the fine and go on holiday.

Ruin their school career Shock

It's funny how when I was at school we didn't have SATS (or any testing I was aware of aged 7) and took holidays that overlapped school time without any issue. No idea how I managed to get to Uni Grin