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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Completely embracing being a housewife

136 replies

bananasoranges · 16/04/2015 10:19

I was made reduntant at Christmas and then went through a period of applying for loads of jobs and feeling a bit miserable. I have heard absolutely nothing regarding the jobs. DH then started to say how good things were now I am at home not working and I started to think of all the benefits of our new situation. I am not stressed, house always clean and tidy, lovely meals as a family, more time to help dc with school work etc. The relationship between DH and I has never been better. Money is extremely tight though we can just about manage on DHs salary. He says he would rather that than go back to how things were. This feels really good and we are all happy, but I have a niggling feeling I should be working - mainly get the vibe from other people.

OP posts:

MildDrPepperAddiction · 16/04/2015 10:20

If it works for you and your family then ignore other people.

Pootles2010 · 16/04/2015 10:23

Why would you rate what other people think over your own happiness and that of your family?

Imagine your post, but as if you were talking about a new career you'd embarked upon. 'We're really happy, it's great, we can afford it, but I worry about what the neighbours will thing' it's nuts! Just so long as you can afford it, and you know it might be difficult to go back to work place, and you've thought it all through, you'd be mad not to.

ladyrosy · 16/04/2015 10:26

Never turn down peace and happiness in your life!

Fab that you've found what works for you.

Redcastle · 16/04/2015 10:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheAssassinsGuild · 16/04/2015 10:36

If it works for you now, then great. If you change your mind later on, also great. Ignore everyone else.

LisaD1 · 16/04/2015 10:36

I think you should do whatever works for you and your family and ignore anyone else!

I took a few years out when my youngest was born, it meant my husband could really focus on his career knowing I was at home etc, he has been promoted several times and I have now returned to work a both children are in full time school. That gap of me being at home enabled DH to focus on work and now he is in a position where he can be around more and do more school pick ups etc while I focus a bit more on my career. everyone had an opinion about it but the only ones that truly mattered were mine and DH.

Jackieharris · 16/04/2015 10:38

Well if you split you're fecked!

Make sure you have a non joint bank account. It is quite financially precarious being a sahm.

BuzzardBird · 16/04/2015 10:39

No-one ever lay on their death bed and said "I wish I had worked more".

If you can manage, embrace away.

BreeVDKamp · 16/04/2015 10:41

Good for you!! :) That's brilliant.

Equally there are those who judge working mothers for 'not looking after their own kids' (not my view!)

You can't win everyone's approval either way, so just do what works for your family.

BestZebbie · 16/04/2015 10:42

Make sure that your pension is protected - you may still need to pay National Insurance in order to remain eligible for the full state pension if you are not working or in the benefits system.

NataliaBaker · 16/04/2015 10:42

If you enjoy it, do it. But you're a bit trapped if anything goes wrong.

WorraLiberty · 16/04/2015 10:44

Ignore other people OP

Your life sounds lovely and stress free.

If the novelty wears off, you can always get a part time job but that's your choice and not 'other people's'.

cailindana · 16/04/2015 10:48

Do you often look at your happy life and think "People I don't know might have this certain opinion of me, so I should ditch what makes me happy and make them happy instead"? Because if you do, then you might want to change that as it's not a great way to live.

PisforPeter · 16/04/2015 10:48

If you're all happy then carry on as your are. Feck other people & their opinions, they are most probably jealous.

toomuchtooold · 16/04/2015 11:24

I think you should go for it! I am in a similar position, just handed in notice from my job as the impact of two of us working full time was just too much, DDs never see me and my and DH's health suffering due to no time to rest.
TBH I would prefer if we could both work but less hours each, but part time is hard to come by in our fields and the hours for full time are long. So, if we are going to have some spare time, one of us needs to stop working, and as I earn less (having chosen stability over career building in the years when we were TTC) it makes sense to be me. It's a common enough story but I agree OP that some people seem to think it is OK to look down on people who make this choice. Bugger them, frankly.

I also am a bit about the argument of what if your partner leaves you? I think if you have children with someone you've essentially tied your entire future life and descendants to them so it is not such a big deal to risk, say, having to retrain and live on a low wage for a time if it goes wrong in future. Certainly I don't think it is worth staying in a job you don't like for years and years in case your relationship ends. I know you can argue that its not fair that the working partner doesn't share this risk but it would be a pretty sad life if you let your actions be dictated by the idea that if you suffer your partner always has to suffer too

Nolim · 16/04/2015 11:26

Enjoy your vocation!

BarbarianMum · 16/04/2015 11:36

Sounds a bit risky to me (rather than morally wrong or any such twaddle).

Could you cope financially if interest rates go up? As the children get older and more expensive? Do you have insurance/savings in case your dh gets sick. Life insurance for you both in case the worst happens? Can you one day live off a single pension?

Other things: do you think you could be happy like this long term? Obviously you can always seek work again down the line, but you'd be surprised at how quickly you can lose confidence in your work skills? Is there enough money to allow you to pursue any interests/friendships outside the home - you don't want to en up resentful because you can never go out with friends?

How do you and your partner handle money? Is it an equal partnership, or will he now expect more say in how it's spent because he's earning it?

If you've thought it through carefully and its all positive then by all means go for it. But there are other options - part-time work, or casual work - that you could also consider.

BarbarianMum · 16/04/2015 11:37

Apologies for the random punctuation.

Viviennemary · 16/04/2015 11:39

Ignore other people. They can be judgemental. (Including me) The only thing to be cautious about is your pension and the need to get back into the workplace at some time in the future.

PisforPeter · 16/04/2015 11:41

But she doesn't have to work in the future if she doesn't want to

Sothisishowitfeels · 16/04/2015 11:42

I recently became a SAHM again after 2 years of working. It is bliss, I am pregnant with dc6 and God I am so relieved to be at home and pottering about with my older 5 children. I never minded going out to work but I hated that I felt like I was neglecting things in the house, I think I would have felt differently with 1 or 2 children but with 5 I just felt like i was spread to thinly.

Dh has admitted he is also relieved, and some people will hate us both for this, but he likes having me here to organize the kids/schools and he is joyous that I cook he even liked the wall hanging I made for our bedroom.

I own half the company that dh and I run so i have that as something of a backup but currently sitting here watching netflix with kids and crocheting a blanket for the new baby. What's not to like?

Arsenic · 16/04/2015 11:44

Fabulous.

Think about keeping one toe in, though - PT study, volunteering, trusteeship or whatever.

QTPie · 16/04/2015 11:45

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

TiggieBoo · 16/04/2015 11:45

Of course it's better and less stressful to stay at home and have time for yourself, your children and your house. But it's not as simple as that. What about pension? What about in a few years time when the kids will be independent, will you want to return to work, how difficult will that be after a few years break? Money being extremely tight is not good either, it works for a while but long term it's draining.
But you know, if you have considered everything and you are happy with your decision then other people's opinion really doesn't matter.

Metalgoddess · 16/04/2015 11:57

Enjoy it, you can't plan for all of life's eventualities, if it works for you and your family then go for it, life's short. I am thinking of doing the same myself!

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