To not let my DC play with neighbour any more? Social services involved.

[ImNameyChangey]

I've namechanged. I am a regular.

I became friendly last year when we moved, with a woman who has one child and lives opposite. She's very nice...I'm going to be honest though and add that she's also a little bit naive and a bit ignorant at times....but generally nice.

We spent a bit of time together having the odd coffee...her child is a bit younger than mine but mine liked playing with hers. So when she asked us round to play we went. Her home is well run...she works part time. She's in her 20s and I'm older so she began to confide in me...she saw me as a Mother figure I think.

She confided that she'd been in a hostel before having her child...and that now she has a child she has a "support worker". I asked why and she said it was becuase of PND. Fine.

Anyway she seems like a great Mother...happy child etc. She invited my DC over to play at hers sometimes...I'd let them go.

The other day she told me that she'd had an appointment with her support worker who wanted to arrange a TAF meeting...so she said she'd have to go with her ex...they wanted him there...and that it was all about "Getting her some support...making sure she had help when she needed it"

Googling has shown me that TAF seems to be "Team Around The Family" and is for at risk children.

What does this all mean? Should I be worried about my DC playing there? PLEASE don't judge me...or say I'm judgemental. I'm completely ignorant of why SS would be involved like this.

Hi OP, is it the lady herself that gets the support? You mentioned she was a bit nieve, perhaps she has a support worker for this reason, she may not be very good at keeping herself and in turn her dc safe without a bit of guidance.

I think also as welsh pointed out further up the thread when she linked to a lecture she had attended that TAF is very early intervention , which seems very sensible , rather than waiting for a situation to reach a crisis point , people can receive the support they need to make the life of the child and the family easier and allow them to access the correct level of support to suit their individual needs , it is not about saying some one is a rubbish parent or that they pose a threat to their children.

goodbye really sorry if it sounded like I was having a go at you , I was just thinking of situations in my experience where social services have been involved with families through no fault of their own , hope that makes sense

Not at all frumpet. I think this thread has been a great eye-opener.

Incidentally I have a super-good friend (the mother of my son's oldest friend) who has gone through the most horrific divorce and they are both from old, wealthy families - I tell my husband all the time it's by luck alone that the SS is not involved. I don't allow my son to be there alone for any period of time, it's incredibly smokey and dire.

It's good she has this support tbh. Quite common if you were in care or had a bad homelife to be helped/monitored by ss if u have a baby young. If she was in a hostle they will be following her to make sure she's doing ok. It's a good thing - everyone needs a little help. Be honoured that she trusts u enough to confide

Your child your choice
Dont let anyone bully you for it.

"I'd be extremely taken aback if I learned that someone had SS involvement."

Can anyone clarify this - I have 'SS involvement' as adult ss gives me some money towards carers for me (& help with DS)...

I am worried as I've been quite open about this to other parents, is it contributing to my problems making friends???

I say things like 'oh well the council give me an award towards paying for the extra nannying/ housekeeper help I need.... Or if they seem especially nice I might mention social services instead of the council.

I'm really interested to know whether this is causing alarm bells to ring as I'll stop saying it if so?

I hadn't thought about it but I wonder if people don't know ss can be involved to help me as I'm disabled vs. in any way a bad parent, but maybe people leap to worries straight away?

You were right to ask about something you weren't sure about for the safety of your children OP. If it was a new man (partner) you'd met who you left your children with without trying to understand his involvement with services I think the response from one or two people would have been very different.
Also agree TAC usually means SS are not involved, but it can be part of the step up to/down from social care and there will be some level of need for the family. That could be child's special needs/post-natal depression, I've sat in TAC around parenting.

Assortment were my neighbour disabled then I would be pretty certain that that was why social services were involved. I have no reason to assume that she is a bad parent as I only see her being a good parent...she's balanced and kind. I don't think that it's a good idea to be too open with people that aren't close though....your payments are nothing to do with anyone else frankly. Not because some might judge but just because.

had ss involvement here for child protection (ex overstepping boundaries with eldest dd, she doesn't see him any more) also with regards to disabled son. doesn't mean you cant be friends with me or my children! TAF means professionals involved they might be helping with dealing with PND or because her pvs family background etcetc. unless you seeing something concrete and specific which worries you - and so far you only have good things to say - then dont worry about it. as with any friends your dc goes to - keep watchful eye, listen to what your child says after visits etc.

Any family whatever background can have dodgy characters.

any family you send your child off to play with could be a risk - but you make an assessment, talk to the parents and make a judgement.

you have to make judgement yes but please don't make a judgement or pull away just because some one is actively seeking/being given help - like a school in special measures it's likely the situation is very closely monitored and getting far more resources than a "good" one.

Whilst I appreciate the two comments above, all of what you've said there has been said/explained to me already. It's quite a long thread and was very informative.

I totally agree Miao, I think people have a negative view of SS due to prolific child abuse cases in the press, and not understanding fully, the wider role of SS in helping and supporting families who are having difficulties. Anyone of us, could need SS help one day, you are not immune, if would not be nice of people treated you as if you had the plague because of SS involvement.

We have both SS involvement and TAF. We have both to help us with the horrific circumstances our adopted daughters came to us under.

There are ma many different reasons why SS can be involved as a doctor and lawyer we have seen both the good and the bad.