Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

To not let my DC play with neighbour any more? Social services involved.

139 replies

ImNameyChangey · 15/04/2015 14:17

I've namechanged. I am a regular.

I became friendly last year when we moved, with a woman who has one child and lives opposite. She's very nice...I'm going to be honest though and add that she's also a little bit naive and a bit ignorant at times....but generally nice.

We spent a bit of time together having the odd coffee...her child is a bit younger than mine but mine liked playing with hers. So when she asked us round to play we went. Her home is well run...she works part time. She's in her 20s and I'm older so she began to confide in me...she saw me as a Mother figure I think.

She confided that she'd been in a hostel before having her child...and that now she has a child she has a "support worker". I asked why and she said it was becuase of PND. Fine.

Anyway she seems like a great Mother...happy child etc. She invited my DC over to play at hers sometimes...I'd let them go.

The other day she told me that she'd had an appointment with her support worker who wanted to arrange a TAF meeting...so she said she'd have to go with her ex...they wanted him there...and that it was all about "Getting her some support...making sure she had help when she needed it"

Googling has shown me that TAF seems to be "Team Around The Family" and is for at risk children.

What does this all mean? Should I be worried about my DC playing there? PLEASE don't judge me...or say I'm judgemental. I'm completely ignorant of why SS would be involved like this.

OP posts:

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 14:45

I find Sue Perkins hysterical.

(Heads off to self report myself for misogyny)

TeenAndTween · 15/04/2015 14:45

I don't think the OP said stopping a friendship. She was seeing whether she should be concerned if her child was at other childs house, being supervised solely by the other parent.

My comments were based on the 'at risk' statement in opening post. If TAF is used for much less than 'at risk' then I think the OP probably doesn't need to be more concerned than for any other family.

duplodon · 15/04/2015 14:45

Fair enough, if you want to equate being OTT and unreasonable with being female and having a womb, continue to use hysterical to your heart's content. It is a misognyistic term though.

Lolamon · 15/04/2015 14:46

I had a Taf and Tac when I became ill with osteoarthritis they were a brilliant source of help and support during a very awful time for our family. No social services it was school and family support worker that's it :)! Support her would be my advice!

MrsPeabody · 15/04/2015 14:46

Yes Jaques, but it isn't the right thing to check apparently. The op should have just let her child continue playing there, blissfully unaware of what it means and what risk there might be.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 14:48

lol chill out duplo, is it your time of the month?
yes jacques I belive that was the type of info she was seeking.

duplodon · 15/04/2015 14:48

How not to use sexist language, even if you're a woman

MrsPeabody · 15/04/2015 14:48

Lolamon, glad you got the help you needed. Good advice to the op. Hopefully this information can help the op to be a better friend as she said she had already become a mother figure.

Welshmaenad · 15/04/2015 14:48

Thanks bot! Nice to know the info my lecturers impart is actually sticking in my brain

There's a very helpful graphic on this link that shows where TAF 'sits' with regard to the scale of intervention that the OP may find reassuring: www.carmarthenshire.gov.uk/English/education/GovernerSupport/GovernorTraining/Documents/Team%20Around%20the%20Family.ppt

I'm rubbish at doing links so if someone could make that clicky id be ever grateful.

Welshmaenad · 15/04/2015 14:49

Oh, it did it on its own. Wizardry.

anon2113 · 15/04/2015 14:49

I always try to start by talking to the person in these sorts of situations. You say she has confided in you before, so I don't think she would be offended by you asking about it. Of course, if she doesn't want to tell you about it, that's her choice and you'll be back at square one. But I can't see any harm in asking.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 14:50

actually duplo does have a point.....men are never told to stop being 'hysterical' when they are putting a point across are they?

Lolamon · 15/04/2015 14:52

Caf not Tac sorry! Caf = child as focus I believe! I've come out the otherside minus a boney tumour on my hip socket :/! Dont why everyone is getting all stressy perfectly reasonable question to ask

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 14:52

sunny, did she say I'm dumping someone because of SS involvement.

No, she said:
"What does this all mean? Should I be worried about my DC playing there? PLEASE don't judge me...or say I'm judgemental. I'm completely ignorant of why SS would be involved like this."

Again, since you keep missing it

"Should I be concerned?"

She hadn't made a decision, she came in here for reassurance. If she discovered that specific team was in place for a parent who was at risk of harming themself or a child then I'd want to know more before I left my child there.

As we've discovered it seems to be a self-requested additional level of support from a SS department that is there to provide additional help to those families who do not are not considered a major risk / issue. So if anything the involvement of this team has probably reflected positively on the neighbour who appears to have recognised some challenges and asked for help.

If it was an SS team that was enforced upon a family because - for example, there was a historic drug abuse issue being monitored- then I think I'd want to know and whilst I wouldn't "cut them out of my life" I'd want to get a lot more comfortable before I let my children over there regularly.

OP asked to find out what the team were likely involved for. What on earth is wrong with that?

duplodon · 15/04/2015 14:53

Read the thread title.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 14:55

Yes sunny, yes they are. In my previous stressful job I'd routinely lose my rag over something fairly minor and have been told to stop being hysterical by a female colleague. Suggesting it is exclusively directed at females is a nonsense.

FryOneFatManic · 15/04/2015 14:56

Never judge a book by it's cover, or in this case, read the OP not just the title before making a judgement.

I think the OP had perfectly legitimate concerns. She asked for info before she took any action so I don't think she deserves some posters jumping on her in the way they have.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 14:56

Read the post Duplodon, don't read the title and fly off the handle and get hysterical.

Suggest you and sunny back out of this thread now. Too many of the regular voices of reason like Worra are in here now, go back to the sub forums that feed chips on shoulders.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 14:57

not sure about that postingbot....but I believe you.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 14:59

and there is no need to be that unpleasant either 'postingbot' - I have a 'chip on my shoulder' now do I? What because I offered a different point of view?
Is that not the point of a forum?

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2015 14:59

actually duplo does have a point.....men are never told to stop being 'hysterical' when they are putting a point across are they?

Yes they are.

Anyway, how can anyone possibly know what men are never told?

There are so many of them in the world

Bowerby · 15/04/2015 15:00

I too had ss knocking on my door a while ago - through no fault of my own - but once you're in the system you have to jump through the necessary hoops to get out......

I would have no concerns about my child in the situation as you've described.

Hth!

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:01

'you suggest I leave the thread ' now that MN regulars are here? Just wtf?

frumpet · 15/04/2015 15:02

OP it sounds as though social services are not involved , that her child isn't deemed at risk and that she is just being given some extra help due to her history of PND . All sounds far too sensible and joined up to be true

duplodon · 15/04/2015 15:04

The sub forums that feed chips on shoulders? What nonsense are you speaking of? I mainly post in mental health support, where huge amount of women live in fear of ostracism because of having experienced distress. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt that you're not referring to that.

The thread title gives a context that I find inflammatory.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Swipe left for the next trending thread