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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not let my DC play with neighbour any more? Social services involved.

139 replies

ImNameyChangey · 15/04/2015 14:17

I've namechanged. I am a regular.

I became friendly last year when we moved, with a woman who has one child and lives opposite. She's very nice...I'm going to be honest though and add that she's also a little bit naive and a bit ignorant at times....but generally nice.

We spent a bit of time together having the odd coffee...her child is a bit younger than mine but mine liked playing with hers. So when she asked us round to play we went. Her home is well run...she works part time. She's in her 20s and I'm older so she began to confide in me...she saw me as a Mother figure I think.

She confided that she'd been in a hostel before having her child...and that now she has a child she has a "support worker". I asked why and she said it was becuase of PND. Fine.

Anyway she seems like a great Mother...happy child etc. She invited my DC over to play at hers sometimes...I'd let them go.

The other day she told me that she'd had an appointment with her support worker who wanted to arrange a TAF meeting...so she said she'd have to go with her ex...they wanted him there...and that it was all about "Getting her some support...making sure she had help when she needed it"

Googling has shown me that TAF seems to be "Team Around The Family" and is for at risk children.

What does this all mean? Should I be worried about my DC playing there? PLEASE don't judge me...or say I'm judgemental. I'm completely ignorant of why SS would be involved like this.

OP posts:
MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:06

Sunny I'm not turning this thread into a personal row with you and this is the last I'll say on it. But you just have to search your post history "rich people are reptilian fuckers" etc etc to get a sense of your issue with anyone who appears to have a more comfortable life than you.

I've noted you in previous threads related to innocent questions about SS attacking posters and say things like "yeah well I bet your fucking rich husband sorts all that for you" (sadly that thread seems to have gone or id link to it). So yeah, i reckon I've read enough to come to a fairly solid conclusion you have a chip on your shoulder over something.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:09

"Sunny I'm not turning this thread into a personal row with you"
well the thing is, yes you are.
As for trawling through my past threads, that is just downright creepy and weird. If you had spent 15 years as a single mother being sneered at by various people - the kind of people that you personally would probably wet your pants about - then you might feel different.
But the fact is you do not even have to look after your own children do you?

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:20

REally well at least I have the balls to not keep changing my name and hiding behind new nicks. Maybe you should grow a pair.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:21

So hysterical is misogynist and grow a pair isn't........

No further questions your honour.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:23

real classy sunny.....

gamerchick · 15/04/2015 15:27

Sunny go take a breather man before reports go flying.

It's bad form also to go trawling for threads to attack another poster while derailing the thread you're on Hmm

Nothing nobody says to reassure the OP will make any difference. The judgement has been made regardless and more supervision will happen 'just in case'... Personally I think surrounding yourself with services so your life runs smoothly is to be applauded. Trust what youve seen.
I wouldn't mind people asking me about all the services in involved in and I'm involved in a lot, especially mental health for personality disorders and those for my son with asd. Anybody who would ditch me because of some imaginary danger to their kids would get a wave goodbye tbh.. But I understand the ignorance if you've been lucky enough not to have needed any of them.

MrsPeabody · 15/04/2015 15:30

As you pair seem to 'know' each other, it might be best to take your slanging match else where.

Can't we play nice?

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:31

I have got no idea who this person is, other than some kind of creepy name changing stalker type who claims to know me.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:34

It is, sorry for the derail, but when I see abusive behaviour and think "that's familiar" and search to see the same thing happening again it's reasonable to mention. Plus I think OP has the answers she needed.

Reports are already flying after her abhorrent and inaccurate comment.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 15:35

My name hasn't changed. A friend who was on that thread emailed me a link regarding a horrible person with anger management issues and days later same person is attacking me.

Oh how we will laugh about this at the spa on Friday

MrsPeabody · 15/04/2015 15:35

Why the personal insults about not looking after kids and needing to visit them then?

Hopefully op hasn't been scared off. Grin

maggiso · 15/04/2015 15:38

All children with disabilities have a TAF (well in theory). Its there to support a child in need for whatever reason. Need can be health (child or parent), extra support, due to not having anough family support or all sorts of things. There should be no stigma to a TAF!!! There should be no need to stop your children playing.

SunnyBaudelaire · 15/04/2015 15:39

"Oh how we will laugh about this at the spa on Friday"
lol is that the kind of thing you talk about?
Get some kind of life is what I would suggest.

SoleSource · 15/04/2015 15:44

I recommend tin foil on all windows, you never know she could also let her children eat Gregg's

Be kind to yourself, move out

Waltermittythesequel · 15/04/2015 15:47

FFS take it off the poor woman's thread, will you?

OP I have no clue why you've gotten stick, thankfully it's from a minority of posters.

Glad there are some sensible, helpful posts for you to read through. That's if you even bother coming back since it seems to be a slanging match at this point.

MorrisZapp · 15/04/2015 15:50

Christ she only asked if she should be concerned.

curlyweasel · 15/04/2015 16:17

OP - nothing to worry about. You sound like a positive role model in her life, so just carry on what you're doing.

CAF is a common assessment framework for early intervention as explained elsewhere in the thread. The TAF part is the agenices involved i.e. the team around the family. If the child were at risk, there would be CiN/CP (child in need/child protection) meetings, not CAF/TAF. I could have a CAF and so could you if you wanted. It's a universal service.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 16:29

OP TAF/TAC meetings can be called for numerous reasons. A lot of the time in my line of work they are called for various professionals and parents to meet to decide the best form of support for the child and family. The meeting is normally focused on the needs of the child and how best to support the child and parents (in my line of work within an educational establishment).

Original poster
ImNameyChangey · 15/04/2015 16:31

Thanks to all who gave good advice. At least I know now! If I can't ask here then where can I ask? I had no idea these things were so common and I suspect she's got it because she asks for help

OP posts:
MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 15/04/2015 16:39

Ahem!

We've had a couple of reports about this thread, and it looks like things have got unnecessarily heated - can we all take a step back and have a quick read of the old talk guidelines?

Hope things are a little clearer to you now OP Smile

binspin · 15/04/2015 16:41

OP- you did well asking on here. Ignore the bickering children Wink
At least as a name changer you'll know that most of us want to help.

x2boys · 15/04/2015 16:45

Is TAF similar to TAC team around the child if so we have these as my son is autistic and has learning difficulties we also have various professional ,s involved due to his disabilities nothing to do with our parenting.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 17:03

Is TAF similar to TAC team around the child if so we have these as my son is autistic and has learning difficulties we also have various professional ,s involved due to his disabilities nothing to do with our parenting.

Yes they are. Sometimes we have TAF meetings (if the support needed involves the family needing support outside school) and other times TAC meetings if it just involves the child in school. Well, that's what we do. Perhaps others do it differently though.