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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To not let my DC play with neighbour any more? Social services involved.

139 replies

ImNameyChangey · 15/04/2015 14:17

I've namechanged. I am a regular.

I became friendly last year when we moved, with a woman who has one child and lives opposite. She's very nice...I'm going to be honest though and add that she's also a little bit naive and a bit ignorant at times....but generally nice.

We spent a bit of time together having the odd coffee...her child is a bit younger than mine but mine liked playing with hers. So when she asked us round to play we went. Her home is well run...she works part time. She's in her 20s and I'm older so she began to confide in me...she saw me as a Mother figure I think.

She confided that she'd been in a hostel before having her child...and that now she has a child she has a "support worker". I asked why and she said it was becuase of PND. Fine.

Anyway she seems like a great Mother...happy child etc. She invited my DC over to play at hers sometimes...I'd let them go.

The other day she told me that she'd had an appointment with her support worker who wanted to arrange a TAF meeting...so she said she'd have to go with her ex...they wanted him there...and that it was all about "Getting her some support...making sure she had help when she needed it"

Googling has shown me that TAF seems to be "Team Around The Family" and is for at risk children.

What does this all mean? Should I be worried about my DC playing there? PLEASE don't judge me...or say I'm judgemental. I'm completely ignorant of why SS would be involved like this.

OP posts:
samG76 · 15/04/2015 17:09

OP - I'm glad you've found something useful. For what it's worth, I think contact with a stable family such as yours is what the helpers will be trying to encourage....

momieplum · 15/04/2015 17:16

OP, I think I would want to feel I could talk openly with anyone who I left my children with, so I do think you should talk to her more and feel comfortable with what the situation actually is. You could start by saying you don't know much about TAC and ask her what it is, ie an open question, and just clarify things you aren't sure about. I think that would be perfectly fine and socially acceptable! I think so, anyway!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/04/2015 17:41

I will judge you just as you are judging thAt poor women.
You sound like snob. There I've sAid it. Someone was going to!
You don't want your d.c playing with her dc because she does not live a perfect existence! Is that her dc's fault!!!!
I hope you never fall on hard times
Also good look on your mission to stop a child suing with a child. It's nye on impossible

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 15/04/2015 17:47

Playing not suing

MrsPeabody · 15/04/2015 17:52

Oh read the fucking thread, ffs.

I didn't have a well off upbringing, but have never encountered any of these services. What's the harm in checking? If the friends child was at risk, her child could of been. Perfectly reasonably question.

Aeroflotgirl · 15/04/2015 17:58

You mentioned she had pND, it might be to help her as she might have mental health issues, and find coping difficult. She is nice, you like her, so still be there for her and be her friend, she sounds like she needs friends right now. Have play dates where you are present.

MNpostingbot · 15/04/2015 18:01

They don't even need to rtft just reading the OP would be a nice start!

amarmai · 15/04/2015 18:06

carry on checking out op. Your children are dependent on you making the right judgements. Forget the OMG responders.

Staywithme · 15/04/2015 18:12

Good grief! Will some of these posters calm down please. I know nothing of TAF and I'm from a, so called, working class background. I've never heard of them and I would be curious as to why a new friend has them involved. At least the OP asked for advice rather than dropping her friend and I, for one, admire her for that. How many times have posters talked about being judged unfairly because of misinformation? As a matter of fact some posters are judging the OP when they don't know her and accusing her of being judgemental when she's simply asked for advice! Talk about hypocrisy. Confused

Waltermittythesequel · 15/04/2015 18:16

Because, you know how asking a question makes you a snob living in a perfect world?

People either need to calm the fuck down and READ THE THREAD or fuck off. In my humble opinion.

oddfodd · 15/04/2015 18:23

Except for the fact that the title of the thread is 'AIBU to not let my DC play with neighbour any more Social service involved'. Which isn't exactly a reasonable or non-judgmental title.

You could be forgiven for thinking that the OP was deliberately being provocative Hmm

My DS nearly had a TAF put in place last year because of mental health issues associated with his SpLD. My child is not at risk

cashewnutty · 15/04/2015 18:35

I a SW in Scotland so i have no idea about TAF or TAC. What i do know is that may families have SS involvement for many reasons and they are not all related to their parenting. I am currently supporting a family where the DD was raped. They are a lovely family who are having an horrific time right now. I have even had SW involvement with my own family after my eldest DD was killed.

OP this young woman could probably use a king, unjudgemental friend. Be there for her, talk to her and use your own common sense and good judgement to decide if your DC is safe playing in her home.

duplodon · 15/04/2015 18:37

Cashew nutty, sorry to read about the death of your eldest dd Flowers

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 18:42

Cashewnutty. I'm in Scotland as well. The TAC meetings are normally related to GIRFEC in schools. I've never known them to happen outwith education. When I worked in the community I'd never heard of them either.

frumpet · 15/04/2015 18:43

To be fair , with all these acronyms being used by various agencies , you can't blame people who haven't come into contact with them , to know what the heck they might actually mean . I agree that the wording of the title was possibly a bit misguided but even so , I know I have learn't something today that I didn't know yesterday and so has the OP I imagine .

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 15/04/2015 18:47

I'd be extremely taken aback if I learned that someone had SS involvement. People seem to have information that this kind of involvement is not an indicator of something bad going on, so fine. I'd still proceed with caution.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 18:50

Sorry Frumpet. TAC - Team Around the Child. GIRFEC - Getting It Right For Every Child. GIRFEC explains what GIRFEC is for anyone interested.

frumpet · 15/04/2015 18:55

No need for the apology meggymoo , I work in the NHS and we are as guilty of this as the next agency Grin .
To clarify, someone with a support worker and TAF meetings is not necessarily involved with social services is that correct ?

cashewnutty · 15/04/2015 19:05

meggymoo It might also relate to the new Child Assessment pathway now being used where other agencies can call a meeting rather then leaving it to SW.

frumpet · 15/04/2015 19:13

To be fair goodbye there are a myriad of reasons why SS might be involved with a family . Would you look down on a single parent who was new to an area and needed an emergency admission to hospital and so their child needed to placed in emergency foster care for a couple of nights ? Ive known that happen a fair few times where people genuinely didn't have the support network that a lot of parents rely on . Sometimes people need help that other people would normally get through family or friends .

Aeroflotgirl · 15/04/2015 19:31

Exactly frumpet, Social services isen't just about abused or neglected children, they are about supporting family when they are having difficulties, be it SN, mental health etc. We have SS involved as I instigated it, dd has ASD and we wanted more support, I hope people don't look down at us.

blackheartsgirl · 15/04/2015 19:33

Well I was a TAF/TAC family due to my son having special needs and we were struggling to cope.

Social services were not involved with us, we were referred to them but we were referred onto TAC who pulled together every one who were involved with us from school nurses to Home start into big meetings to decide how to help and support my family.

My kids have not ever been on the At Risk register, or had social service intervention apart from referrals.

TAC can get involved with families for a number of reasons not just neglected at risk kids.

GoodbyeToAllOfThat · 15/04/2015 19:34

Of course not, frumpet.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 19:38

To clarify, someone with a support worker and TAF meetings is not necessarily involved with social services is that correct ?

Yes that's correct. A lot of schools (and other agencies) have support workers that go into families with no SW involvement.

MeggyMooAndTinkerToo · 15/04/2015 19:45

I think it definitely is Cashew. I've come across a lot of voluntary agencies ie Barnardos/Aberlour etc that use TAC meetings too. A lot of the time there's no need for SW involvement (as you'll know). I think it's great that these agencies can now call a meeting and get together to support the child in question.