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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBM to not let ds2 4 wear his Elsa dress out anymore due to twattish sniggering parents

610 replies

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 16:00

Ds2s hero is Elsa. He loves her and Frozen. He also loves mud, dinosaurs, trains and his bike. He wore his Elsa dress to pick up ds1 from school today. I'm shocked by the amount of parents giggling and pointing, I expected a bit from kids who dont know any better but adults? ?? I'm torn between being upset and wanting to pinch them in the face ( obviously I would never do this in reality) Why is it that people think it's ok to laugh at someone a little bit different, Dh just says they are a bit thick!

OP posts:

Twoplus3 · 13/04/2015 17:28

I Personally wouldn't let my ds go out in a dress, call me small minded if you like, but I just wouldn't feel comfortable.

NancyRaygun · 13/04/2015 17:34

But by not letting your son out in a dress you are passing on a prejudice that really is outdated now: clothes don't "maketh the man".

I really feel that by stifling their own desires on what to wear you are passing on a really negative message: it's not masculine enough? = weaker. Women are weak? A princess isn't a worthy heroine? A dress is just for girls and there is something "wrong" with choosing it? Something shameful? Is shame something I would feel happy that a 4 year old feels??

I just think I would rather feel uncomfortable and accept that in was 'my' issue than add that list of insane prejudice onto my kid.

Or am I taking this way too seriously?

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 17:34

Today I have learned that I shouldn't worry what others think, although I normally pretend I don't, I do. Some of the comments on here have hurt even though I don't know these posters and they don't know me. I don't want dcs to ever worry what others think or be bothered by it. It's interesting reading. Thanks for all contributions, it's been an eye opener.

OP posts:

TheFairyCaravan · 13/04/2015 17:36

If a poster had posted that their 4 yo DD's "hero was Elsa" MN would have crashed by now due to the outrage of many.

This place is batshit at times, it really is!

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2015 17:37

I don't want dcs to ever worry what others think or be bothered by it

A bit unrealistic though don't you think?

It's human nature to be bothered by what other people think - hence the reason you started this thread.

If you weren't bothered, you wouldn't have started it.

RoseWithAThorn · 13/04/2015 17:38

Well said fairy. Too true

MamainMilan · 13/04/2015 17:39

My DS, 5, sometimes dresses as a princess. He has two sisters and there's a ton of dresses knocking around, and he like the storytelling aspect of it. He also dresses as a pirate, king, knight, firefighter, Darth Vadar etc.

He hasn't asked to go out wearing a dress, but I wouldn't stop him if he wanted to. He took a pink sparkly purse out with him yesterday though. It was there, he needed something for his pocket money, he decided it would do.

He isn't hung up on whether it's 'right' or not, and neither are we.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2015 17:41

Nelly... You posted saying that you wanted to 'punch them in the face'. That is not reasonable. It's as if you set up your child just to elicit that reaction. Nobody cares what your child wears, not really but, if it's eye-catching, it will catch eyes. What did you expect? You want to punch people for looking/giggling and pointing? That's an overreaction and a bad one. Stop seeking approval/disapproval from people you don't know and all will be well.

Gruntbaby · 13/04/2015 17:43

Round here people would congratulate him on his taste or not even notice. There are many boys who dress up in dresses, hair bobbles etc as well as some girls who look very boyish. Didn't think anything of it until some out of town cousins commented the other day and were a bit shocked/thought it v funny.

Must be an area thing - this is a very educated liberal, quite wealthy university town in the south. Whatever the reasons for the clothing choice, negative comments would not be well received in the playground. You don't know if the child is having fun dressing up or would rather be dressed as a girl for other reasons, in which case it would be cruel and rude to laugh.

ElleBellyBeeblebrox · 13/04/2015 17:44

If I thought someone was laughing and poking fun at my children I'd want to punch them too.

silverglitterpisser · 13/04/2015 17:46

Ignore the ignorant, both on the playground n here! If ur son is happy wearing a dress, don't take that happiness from him but he WILL get stares n sniggers n u have to b able to handle that, as does he in time.

As parents we just have to try to make r kids robust enough to rise above ignorance n narrowmindedness n follow their own paths. It's hard if they r different or free thinkers as my DD is n they shouldn't have to toughen up just to b themselves but unfortunately that is life. I forever used to say to her when she was younger n upset by people "oh but they r mere sheep n a wolf never loses sleep over sheep" . My wolf is now 15 n more than able to either shrug off or deal with n silence any nonsense from kids at school.

Charlotte3333 · 13/04/2015 17:46

DS1 is 9 and when he was tiny he loved In The Night Garden. I bought him an Iggle Piggle costume one christmas, and my Mum bought him the Upsy Daisy one without realising it was a dress. He wore the Daisy one to death and loved it beyond all rational behaviour.

I went with it; my theory is that kids can wear whatever the heck they want so long as they're clean (ish) and warm. I daresay they won't still be doing it when they head off to Uni.

DS2 bought My Little Ponies with some of his christmas money. Again, I go with it. Stuff like this is neither a big deal or an issue, unless you choose to make it one.

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 17:46

It's a protective instinct. Like I've said already twice on this thread, I never would punch anyone, never have. I wanted to protect my son from their ridicule. I do accept that I need to ignore others if he wants to dress up in public in future. It's me that was upset by it, not him, he's still too little to realise that some people are like that.

OP posts:

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 17:46

And imagine being a child and feeling that way. Still going to let him wear the dress?

Don't make your child a pawn in your battle.

Homeishappiness · 13/04/2015 17:46

the problem is that some people are mean and myself, I would simply avoid the stress by saying 'no'.

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 13/04/2015 17:48

I'll probably be pulled apart for this but call me close minded I would not feel comfortable if my dn was wearing a dress. Sorry, op. No offence or hurt but it's how I feel.
Very big however though...,,..Under no circs should adults be laughing at pointing at a child. Talk about encouraging bullying and prejudgist views.

WorraLiberty · 13/04/2015 17:51

You're not silly though OP. You must have known that a boy wearing a princess dress in public was going to attract attention, and not all of it would be positive.

So if you wanted to protect him from ridicule, taking him to a school full of parents and kids in a Frozen dress, was a strange move.

Totally your choice though and his too, but you did know you risked him being stared at/laughed at, whereas your son was probably clueless that this might happen.

PoppyAmex · 13/04/2015 17:52

Yes he can wear dresses and no one should mock a child, but people were probably laughing in an endearing way.

The whole thing is just tiresome and contrived.

Hediditshedidit · 13/04/2015 17:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/04/2015 17:53

yy Santana. Her post is exactly right.

I really don't think that people register little kids wearing whatever oddments/outfits they choose. It's just dressing up. They can continue to wear those into adulthood if they want to - but it will be less invisible and they will have to learn to take double-takes, comments, giggles and mickey-taking on the chin. As an adult, they'll be equipped to do that, as a child they are not so, if you say it's protective instinct then see the giggling for what it is - amusement at a young child dressing up - and stop being sensitive over it.

You need to accept that people feel the way they feel, as do you. That is the way they feel but as adults, they don't act on it (hopefully).

You say that your boy didn't notice so no harm done. If he had, I would have told him that he looks very funny and amusing and he's making people happy, that's why they're giggling. As Worra said upthread, it doesn't matter if he's in a dress or donkey-costume, it's dressing up. It's no reflection on your child - or you.

miaowmix · 13/04/2015 17:54

Batshit crazy is right. Daughter wants her ears pierced? No frigging way. Son wears a dress? Damn right, and it's obligatory to paint his nails too.

Loving all the stealth 'well it's completely NORMAL' in my lovely wealthy yet liberal enclave' type posts too. .

I live in boho London villagey type area full of right on parents. Not sure I've EVER seen a 4 year old boy dressed as Elsa.

OP - just own it. If your son is happy to wear the dress, who gives a shit, really? Unless it's some kind of badge of honour (for you)?

laughingcow13 · 13/04/2015 17:54

Oh come on , OP! You must have been after a reaction! For a start fancy dress is for wearing at home and playschool, not street wear!! Another thing is it's way too cold to be mincing about in a thin nylonny princess dress.Finally, on a toddler of 2 , it might look cute, but on a 4 yr old it looks odd!

AuntyMag10 · 13/04/2015 17:55

Sorry but I too would think it ridiculous. And I've yet to see this actually happen in rl.

Original poster

NellysKnickers · 13/04/2015 17:58

Just one last question before I wrestle him out of 'the dress', would your views be the same if it was a 4 year old girl in an ironman or spiderman costume? Orvis that more acceptabl Again genuinely interested, like I said before, this has been a real eye opener for me, I'm taking all comments on board even the less positive ones.

OP posts:

SantanaLopez · 13/04/2015 17:59

Just one last question before I wrestle him out of 'the dress', would your views be the same if it was a 4 year old girl in an ironman or spiderman costume?

Again; is it your battle, or his?

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