To tell friend she isn't trying to shift baby weight in argument

[ForeverChasingToddlers]

Before everyone blasts me and jumps to conclusions about what I think and believe just to be clear

• I know having a baby is hard
• I know having babies so close together is even more hard on the body and mind in most cases

-I know loosing wieght in general is hard

• I know women should not judge other women
• I think all ladies could go at their own pace
• I know having kids and working out is harder than getting it done without kids. Moreso when you are a working mom.

Friend and I were at a escape from evil bloodsucking children birthday dinner on Saturday.
She has 2 DCs under 3 - the last one being born in september.
I have 2 DCS under 3 - Last DD being born in October.

I'm 70KG at 5''7 post baby, she is 5''6 and around 87KG post baby. I have about 10 Kgs to go until I am happy so emotionally mentally physically am still on a weight loss journey

We are at the dinner, DH's at home with the babies, She orders macaroni and cheese with half a chicken and a side of chips with a large glass of wine. She had a starter of fried cheese balls and a desert of what looked like apple pie. I didn't give one shit yet when I order a chicken salad with dressing on the side she starts to snigger and make little digs. The ones that really hurt me throughout the night was

"I'm more focused on my DC's than trying to be skinny"
"Live a little - it's all about being a good mom"
"Not all of us have time to frolic around in the gym some of us have kids to take care of"

I laughed them off until the last frolic comment - I then said that It's fucked up that in today society you cannot get on with being whatever type of woman / mother that fits you without being fucking judged!!! My husband is 100000% hands on, and we share the responsibility 50/50, when I have a spare minute instead of going to bed I muster up every last shred of energy I have and go for a jog for 1/2 an hour instead of watching corrie with a tin of biscuits next to me (which is what she does fair enough but silly if you want to loose weight thats all!!). I watch what I eat and that gets 80% of the work done anyway so what's with the parenting bashing?

she then said "being a mom is a 24/7 job with or without a husband" as though for taking 1/2 an hour a day to jog while hubby watched the DDs makes me an absent mother! WTF

I just bloody snapped and said We all have to loose the wieght at our own personal pace in our own personal way....but don't try and make being over weight and being a good mom mutually exclusive...they do not walk hand in hand and just bloody admit you are being lazy and you could atleast watch what you put in your mouth if you really cared

She didn't speak to me for the rest of the night.

AIBU?

She hates her body and says she wants to loose weight but clearly has no bloody motivation. Some people are single mothers with not one spare lucid minute to work out at home or cant afford a gym membership fair play but watch what you eat then if you so desperately want to loose weight

I'm tired of the "eating for two" myth and I'm tired of the sensationalism of not shifting baby weight (if you want to) as "being a real mom" because you are too busy mothering and eating crap!!

Most of all I'm tired of the judgement of being a slim and working out and going to the gym .... with her and to be honest some other women it's like to be a "real" mom you have to be a frumpy depressed mess. I truly believe that if you have a hands on DH or even a mum willing to help you out etc you can get the weight off!! Sometimes ...... I even wear makeup and get my hair done....CALL THE SOCIAL SERVICES!!!

I have read your OP. More than once. In your OP you stated that you called her lazy when you snapped.

26Point2Miles the mommy martyrdom on here like being overweight has anyyyyyyttttthhhhinnnggggg to do with any type of moral highground is astounding.

yanbu. Hope your friendship is robust enough to recover. Definitely need to agree to avoid certain topics in future.

JanineStHubbins in the context of her not losing weight and blaming her kids bear in mind she want's to lose the weight

"yabu/ I don't agree with you."

op: "wahhh you haven't read the op. Read the op!!!! IANU!"

why post in aibu?!

So I haven't 'made shit up' then? Cheers.

You sound a weight obsessed bore, one I certainly wouldn't want to go for a meal with. Be careful not to transfer weight/body obssessions onto dd. what anyone eats and weighs is no ones business but theirs.

Would echo what a lot of posters on here have said and agree that you don't sound like friends at all

You either agree that some topics are banned when you are together or you stop seeing each other

She was being really horrid to you, so im not surprised you came out with a mean retort.

Feellikescrooge Okay perfect mother. Christ. I snap and thus I have to be questioned on my parenting. I suppose you have flaws too right? Shall we question how you will teach your kids? What type of foolish mentality is that? DD will snap when we gets older....at me....at other people....at bitchy girls....she may even be a bitchy girl from time to time....she's human....I'll treat her and raise her as such. Of course I will teach my kids patience and kindness and tolerance etc. But we all have feelings and will all fall short

Blimey, imagine being sat at the next table to you two

Was anyone chanting, "Fooood fiiiiight! Fooood fiiiiight!"?

Ratfinkandbobo being open to talk about weight doesnt make you weight obsessed. I never knew it was taboo. I know what my friend weights because she gives us all daily frequent updates. I know her height because I know my height and she is about an inch shorter than me....ummm.....Again....You are responding to an OP which doesnt exist...I was trying t enjoy my night and she wouldnt stop jabbing....hardly makes me an obsessed food freak. Funny thing is if i never said I was slim and that i was bigger and unhappy you'd never ever call me weight obsessed.

She was putting down your parenting.

Saying you focussed more on diet/gym then your DC.
That you didn't have a life and weren't a good mum.
And that you would rather spend time at the gym than your kids.

She was being nasty and putting you down because she was jealous/felt guilty.

I don't blame you for giving it back to her.

Is she on mumsnet?

rat how is she a weight obsessed bore when it was the friend who went on and on all night and op said nothing til she had been insulted enough and snapped back??

Now come on..... HOW is she 'a weight obsessed bore'?

OP YWBU to remark on her weight but you did so under extreme provocation. You have lost the moral high ground unfortunately but your friend is much worse IMHO. To the poster who claims slim people can't be hurt by being called skinny, you don't know what you're talking about. I have a friend who has a very high metabolism so she is extremely slim, a size 6 and is 5 ft 7 ish. She has a good appetite, has no issues with food yet the amount of negative comments she gets from other women is unbelievable. I have been with her and witnessed women coming up to her and telling her to eat, being very aggressive, heard her being called "anorexic bitch" amongst other things. This is extremely hurtful to her, as she can't put on weight no matter how hard she tries. Women do judge other women for being slim/skinny as well as overweight, and it's so wrong.

WorraLiberty looooooool perhaps I should have grabbed her plate and eat every last thing on it to shut her up.
I was making a joke out of her incessant commenting until she went in for the kill and started speaking about my kids.....

If this op is true, you are well justified to say what you said to her, if she had kept her horrid jibing comments to herself, than none of this would have happened. Yes your 'friend' sounds envious. I was a 16/18 size, 14 stone, I was so unhappy with my body so I vowed to change that. I take about 45 mins each day to do cardio kickboxing exercise, I do watch what I eat, but within reason. For example I would have had that chicken, with fries and whatever accompaniment it came with, and a desert, but not macaroni cheese and starter as well, that was too much. Obviously if she does eat that kind of food regularly she will put on weight.

Yes she was being nasty about op, her not being a good mother, putting herself before dc, that is awful, I am not surprised that op let rip, I would have. If she had kept her mouth shut, and stopped judging and being nasty to op, than this would not have happened.

Frusso, we all have our opinions, and yes people do judge, but op was keeping it quite rightly to herself, until her 'friend' started being nasty.

How sad that PPs are endorsing / recommending retaliation. Even the op said she shouldn't have snapped. Walk out maybe. Not want to spend a lot of time with the 'friend', but it isn't a good idea to engage in this nasty teenaged point scoring crap imho. Really, does this really happen among adults? Of course the op is human and sometimes people do snap, but I certainly wouldn't congratulate her for it. Both of them sound like they were being very catty and I'm glad I never see / hear stuff like this in RL.

26Point2Miles Ii'm telling you the amount of people on here making stuff up is madness. I'm literally in this restaurant relishing the sound of crappy pop music in the background because it's way better than DDs trying to crack glass with their screaming crying and i'm attacked all evening until i finally snap and I'm a food obsessed bully!! Some people clearly cant read and have even said I started it with her! Wtf? I'm all for being told IBU for snapping fair enough I'm not a kid we were in a restaurant i understand i should have swapped seats before i commented back okay I know.....

But this thread has revealed some deeper things RE weight and motherhood that are quite frankly disturbing.

KILL THE EVIL SMUG SLIM (ISH) BITCH NOOOOOOOWWWW

To the poster who said why shouldn't mothers be frumpy and watch Corrie - that's totally fine as long as the same person doesn't have a go at someone who has the motivation to get off the sofa and go for a run instead of eating biscuits and watching telly.

You were pushed OP and retaliated, I think it's totally understandable given the situation.

I do a fair bit of exercise and am 5 ft 4" weigh 7st 5lbs and have had all sorts of horrible things said to me over the years. It is hurtful, as hurtful as being overweight and people saying horrible things to you must be surely?

Frusso WTF??....we really cannot even whisper about food can we?