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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think children should give up their seats for adults

235 replies

BeeInYourBonnet · 11/04/2015 10:42

And their parents should encourage them to.

Especially when they are young enough to sit on their parents laps.

OP posts:
SunnyBaudelaire · 11/04/2015 12:01

or just bloody ask! people are not mind readers you know! I remember strap hanging on the tube when preg and my vision started reducing from the edges? so I knew I was about to pass out, and simply said loudly 'I need to sit down' and about six people leapt to their feet! No point in standing there in pain and fuming about how rude the youth of today are!

Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:04

Or the person who needs the seat could put the child on their lap. Would they be comfortable?

If you have problems standing or sitting on the floor, ask an able adult, don't assume that it is the children who will have to give up their seat. Why?

PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 12:05

Yes I get what you're saying Guyropes I genuinely sympathise over the knees issue and wouldn't have any issue with moving in that situation I was responding to her saying Yeah, I'd really like to ask for someone's seat, after reading this thread which confirms that it's every man/woman/child for themselves and I deserve to stand cos I wasn't there early enough because I don't think that anyone has responded that they would act like that towards someone who asked for a seat for those reasons., I don't think it's reasonable for her to extrapolate that people would feel that way from what has been posted on the thread.

Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:06

And I bet most of you that think children should have priority over adults (NOT talking about public transport) will change your views when you're older and it's other peoples' children.

No, I will bet, though, that their able bodied parents should give me a seat should I need it.

Original poster
BeeInYourBonnet · 11/04/2015 12:07

My DS automatically sat corner on the floor, back against wall, iPad in hand, happy as larry. My (relatively minor) knee problems mean standing still for more than 10-15 minutes becomes painful, bit still preferable go sitting on the floor (where i would need to be hoisted back up!).

But bad knees or not,I stick by my OP.

OP posts:
Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:08

Out of interest, if you were with your DH and there was only one seat, who would sit on it?

Ideally, we would alternate. :)

Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:11

The first part of shows an easy way to get up from the floor without putting a strain to your knee. Basically, turn on your side, support yourself on your hands, lift your bum and go from there.

Dawndonnaagain · 11/04/2015 12:12

It's really difficult this one. My dd looks fine, often gets dirty looks on transport and frequently asked to move. They look so embarrassed when she gets up and moves for them.

Mistlewoeandwhine · 11/04/2015 12:15

My son has epilepsy and dyspraxia but looks like a big strong boy. If anyone asked him to get up, they'd be getting a lecture on hidden disabilities. Fortunately, they're usually too busy frothing as we home ed and they don't like the kids being out and about during school hours haha. if there were no seats available and a frail person got on, I would definitely give them my own seat but not if they were a normal adult.

BatteryPoweredHen · 11/04/2015 12:18

YANBU, it is just basic manners for a child to stand for an adult, a concept sadly lost on a huge number of people these days.

PeachyPants · 11/04/2015 12:21

BatteryPoweredHen and others who have made similar assertions that it's just basic manners, why is it?

Lweji · 11/04/2015 12:22

it is just basic manners for a child to stand for an adult, a concept sadly lost on a huge number of people these days.

But... Why?

It used to be basic manners for a man to hold a door open for a woman, to hold her chair while she takes the seat and so on. It doesn't make sense now. Women can hold doors just as well and take their own seats unaided.

So, again, why should a child get up for a fully capable adult?

LadyintheRadiator · 11/04/2015 12:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CalleighDoodle · 11/04/2015 12:24

Yabu. Get their earlier and get your own seat

5madthings · 11/04/2015 12:26

No, it's basic manners for anyone to give up a seat to someone who needs it more. You don't need a seat more just because you are an adult. I or four of my kids would give up a seat to anyone who needs it more. Ds2 wouldn't as he needs a seat.

An adult is anyone Aged over 18, my four year old for example needs a seat on a bus more than an able bodied 20 year old. Yet this kids should make way for adults view would say she should move. It depends on the circumstances circumstances, just being an adult doesn't entitle you to a seat.

CalleighDoodle · 11/04/2015 12:26

If someone else needed a seat, id stand. Children are usually safer sat.

waithorse · 11/04/2015 12:26

respect their elders and betters.

Oh do fuck off. How horrible. Being older does not make you better, I'm afraid. Angry

LaLyra · 11/04/2015 12:28

I think if there is not enough seats for everyone, be it on transport or at a event, children small enough for on laps should be on laps.

At an event I'd have mine sit on the floor (assuming it was clean/dry) rather than see adults who'd be less comfortable and more in the way do so (or stand).

On moving transport I think adults without health problems or disabilities are safer standing than a young child given the hand-holds are at adult height and adults are better at anticipating stops etc.

My friend's family have a age rule with seating. They are a huge family and the only 3 people guaranteed a seat are her granny, her auntie and one of her cousins who has a disability. Her younger brother is currently (jokingly) miffed because their cousin who is a week younger than him is pregnant so gets a seat and he teases her about her 'queue jumping'. It's quite amusing spending time with them because it's always a laugh when someone new arrives and one of the "young ones" (my friend is 32) groans because they realise it's an elder Aunt or Uncle. They do the same with tea. The youngest (well, youngest able) makes the tea. That way they all have a turn of being the tea maker for a while. It's actually a really nice set up, even if at first I thought it sounded a bit odd.

Discopanda · 11/04/2015 12:28

I don't think all children should automatically give up their seats for their 'elders and betters', however, parents should encourage children to move IF it is safe for them to stand, they are able to stand for periods of time, they are small enough to sit on a lap instead and the adult in question really needs the seat, i.e. pregnant, elderly, requests due to a disability. Mind you, I've had a couple of experiences this week with some extremely entitled old people who think they're more important than a pregnant woman with a young child. It's about time EVERYONE was more considerate about other people.

pointythings · 11/04/2015 12:29

There are quite a few entitled adults on this thread...

'Elders and betters' indeed Hmm - I'm 47 and I don't consider myself anyone's better by virtue of my age alone - I would consider that a very entitled outlook on life.

And obviously I would encourage my DDs to offer their seats to someone clearly struggling, pregnant or in pain, but not on age alone. I wouldn't take either of them on my lap seeing as they are 14 and 12 and the 14yo is only an inch short of my 5'11''.

MisForMumNotMaid · 11/04/2015 12:34

My eldest has an invisible disability so would be on a chair. I have had to get over the slight discomfort of having to ask for a seat for him.

It is a bit embarassing to ask a stranger - to say my need is greater, but that is how it is. Mainly, people are quite accomodating. If you have a need you need to manage it and its not reasonable to expect others to second guess. Particularly children.

I would prompt my middle son to move if an adult was loitering looking to sit or asked, but not just because an adult entered the vicinity. Some adults may choose to stand around and chat feeling they'd rather the DC are in a fixed position on a chair under instruction to not move off that seat.

Topseyt · 11/04/2015 12:44

Elders aren't necessarily betters. I was once in the supermarket with my youngest daughter (then about 7 if I remember rightly). Standing looking at dried pasta deciding which to buy and minding our own business. An older woman, probably in her seventies I guess, simply seemed to decide she wanted to be where we were and just began pushing her trolley quite assertively against my daughter.

Some elders do themselves no favours and act as if younger people have little right to even exist.

AGirlCalledBoB · 11/04/2015 12:45

I don't think you can tell by someone's age if they need a seat or not.

I am 22 but have a serious back condition, I need a op on it later this year and it is a condition that usually affects older people. Looking at me you would think I was young, fit and healthy but it is a different story.

However even I would not expect a child to get up for me. In a situation like that, I would be happier the children was sitting nicely and quietly.

QueenFuri · 11/04/2015 12:46

As I've said before on a thread no they should not! A 4 year old standing up is unsafe especially if the bus/train comes to a sudden stop its quite dangerous they would hurt themselves. If someone asked my DS's to move so they could sit they would be told no and I don't care if I'm rude my children's safety is more important than your comfort.

Thymeout · 11/04/2015 12:52

I agree with Indan.

In all previous generations, children gave up seats for adults as a general rule, for a lot of v good reasons, not least that their time would come when they were an adult.

Now there's a generation of parents who want to turn back the tide. This causes resentment among those who spent their youth giving up seats and now they want to change the rules?

Much easier to stick to a general rule than teach your dcs to do a visual triage of who needs the seat most. I'm not going around with a 'I've just had a hysterectomy' label round my neck.

I don't care how fit you are at 45. It's much easier for a child to sit on the floor and they take up much less room than an adult doing the same.

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