To think children should give up their seats for adults

[BeeInYourBonnet]

And their parents should encourage them to.

Especially when they are young enough to sit on their parents laps.

If you needed a seat why on earth didn't you ask for one?

You expected the children to notice you, judge that you needed to sit down more than them, judge that no one else standing required the seat more than you, and offer it to you instead of the other nine standing adults.

You haven't said at any point you expected any of the adults to offer seats to you, or offer you their child's seats, only that the children were rude for not knowing to automatically offer you a seat.

I have a neurological illness and am sometimes overcome with exhaustion and have to sit down ,no choice. I have to ask for a seat as expecting other people to know how ill I am just from looking at me is unreasonable.

If I can't get a seat, I must sit on the floor, no matter how difficult or painful it is, because I cannot stand.

It sounds as though you are capable of standing for an hour, you just think someone else should have done so instead.

totally agree fattymcfat.
Some people!!

You have no idea if any of those children had invisible disabilities, but tbh I would encourage my kids to offer a seat to someone else who may need it. But only if safe to do so, but ds2 needs a seat, has asc and joint issues causing pain and would find that type of environment difficult. He is 12 but to look at him you would have no idea. My littlest would sit on my lap.

In a space like that, possibly cramped etc I would be pleased the children were all sat nicely and behaving. And as an able bodied 36yr old I don't think they should give up a seat for me.

OK, apologies, I missed that you do have bad knees and you did expect the adults to move their children to accommodate you.

I still think you should have asked if you have a genuine need to sit down. Expecting people to realise is not reasonable.

I agree Coffeethrowtrampbitch (love the name, love the IT crowd) being on MN has made me much more aware of hidden disabilities but expecting people to realise that someone has one is not reasonable.

Exactly if you need a seat ask, I will and do ask on behalf of ds2.

Yeah, I'd really like to ask for someones seat, after reading this thread which confirms that it's every man/woman/child for themselves and I deserve to stand cos I wasn't there early enough (which wasn't my fault as I was getting my DC ready in the changing rooms).

I am over 50. When I was a child it was very much the thing that adults came first. In everything. Now I am getting on a bit suddenly we have a whole generation of younger parents who think that children come first. Exactly when do I get a turn?

I came onto this thread ready to say that it's been a week since the last similar thread but then saw it wasn't public transport related. I've been in this situation many times with limited seating where the first families there take every single seat and leave everyone else to stand, and it really pisses me off.

Children can comfortably sit on the floor or on laps and do not need to be on seats. I was in a pro-am theatrical performance about 10 or so years ago and the director would always tell the kids that the seats were for the adults, and make them move.

Those of you who are 36 yo able bodied adults, good for you. Give it another 15 years and you'll realise why all the middle aged women are giving your seated children cats bum faces. It creeps up on you but being older brings problems you can't even imagine .

Bee you might have shoort yourself in the foot when you said that your DH automatically sit on the floor when at his parents.
So, it's perfectly normal for adults to sit on the floor too then isn't it?

If 10 adults were standing up and only 5 kids were on the floor, I would assume that most of the children who were seated had a parents standing up. Which tells me that said parents were happy to stand instead of asking their dcs to sit on the floor. Hard to tell them off isn't it?

Now what I'm guessing is that you didn't want to stand and think that some of those parents should have told their dcs to move on.
I have to say, I wouldn't ask my 10yo to do so and at 4yo none of my dcs would sat still. They would have been messing around being a pain unless I had brough colouring book, books to read etc... that I would have had to do with them. In that case, yes I would have expected them to sit down with me (Otherwise it would have meant me sitting down on the florr which you don't want to do yourself)

I'd ask my child to stand up for the elderly or infirm, but not just because someone is an adult.

I wouldn't expect a child to have to move for me, in my 30's, if they were there before me then fair play to them.

bee if you came to me and asked politely then I would tell my child to move (providing you explained you had bad knees) I would move myself but I am on crutches and pregnant at the minute

Presumably the other adults had kids to get ready as well? They just got their earlier.

If you asked and explained you needed a seat most parents would help, I would put dd on my knee or get ds3 to stand as he is ten and would be fine. If it was just me and ds2 I would stand as ds2 needs a seat more. But I am not psychic, so ask politely.

Unless the adults have a reason for needing the seat more i think its maybe a bit unreasonable...children are still people so why shouldnt we respect them as much as adults?

fgs nobody is going to 'sit on the floor' in a crowded tube train or bus now are they?
these threads always get silly.

That's nonsense BeeInYourBonnet, nobody (without a health condition of their own) has said that they wouldn't stand for someone who was struggling, just that they wouldn't necessarily know this. It's nobody's 'fault' that they don't have a seat but an adult's desire to sit down doesn't trump that of anyone else (child or adult) who already had the seat. You've started a thread saying that children should always give up seats for adults and then introduced an issue about a knee problem later on, they are two separate issues.

Indan my parents are in their 70s. My mum got most offended when in the underground in London, people have been getting up to give their
seat up for her. In herr own words, she is a perfectly able woman who certaily doesn't need that sort of attention.

Me on the other side have an illness which means that I'm very tired easily. I'm also in pain. In the circumtances described by the OP, I would have sat down on the floor because I wouldn't have coped with standing up for an hour.

It's nothing to do with age.

Wow "betters" "entitled" I didn't realize I had birthed slaves to pander to able bodied adults

Not all people in their 50-60 would need a seat, and you can't tell by looking. My mum would ask for one as she would need one. My dad would happily give his up for someone more in need. But you can't expect people to be psychic. I will offer to someone who obviously needs a seat ie heavily pregnant or elderly but I don't think 50-60 is elderly

I think it's dangerous to encourage children to think that all adults are their "betters" or superiors, and more worthy of respect. I'd happily sit mine on my laps if it was possible, but wouldn't expect them to sit on the floor just because an adult was standing. If the adult in question was elderly or appeared to be struggling then obviously that's different.

Sorry, I'm with the OP and Bee.

And I bet most of you that think children should have priority over adults (NOT talking about public transport) will change your views when you're older and it's other peoples' children.

And Ive happily sat on the floor on a crowded train. Next to the bog too.

I really don't understand the mentality that kids should give up seats for adults, to me it's just madness. If anything I'd say children need a seat more than adults. If I can then I would move my child to my lap to make way for someone else but other than that it's utterly ridiculous to expect a child to stand when an adult should be perfectly capable of doing so.

Obviously there are different circumstances where an adult genuinely does need a seat. In these cases I'd stand and my child would remain sitting.

Indantherene who on this thread is saying that children come first, there's plenty arguing that adults should get preferential seating but no one is saying that about children, only that they should have equal access. I really sympathise if you struggle to stand up for a period of time and I'll say it again, I wouldn't object to giving up my seat if someone explained that they were uncomfortable standing but we can't make blanket assumptions that people in their 50's can't stand or indeed that younger people can. Just because "When I was a child it was very much the thing that adults came first. In everything" doesn't mean that was right or should still be accepted, part of that culture led to the kinds of abuse scandals that are emerging now.

My dd1 who is 9 and big for her age would get the cats bum face then because her leg issues are not obvious to the eye but means she is in pain when standing for a length of time,so I wouldn't expect her to give up a seat to ANYONE unless there was a safe clean floor

Peachy, I think that the op's problem is that she needs a seat due to bad knees, but doesn't feel able to ask for it, so would like to be given one automatically just for being an adult, and then she doesn't have to go through the process of asking for a seat (as she is clearly convinced nobody would give her one)

Op, don't get a bee in your bonnet with the other parents... Ask the establishment to provide more seats since there clearly isn't enough.