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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why parents let their children go out dressed inappropriately

311 replies

Twoplus3 · 10/04/2015 17:36

Now I know the weather is warning up, and you expect to see chidkren in shorts, t shirts, skirts etc etc but why oh why do parents allow children, I'm talking Young children age 8-9-10 go out dressed in belly tops and shorts that are that short they are exposing some of their bum? It really grates me as surely young girls should not be going round dressed like this, it's inapropriate imo and I wouldn't dream of letting my own daughter walk round in such a state.

OP posts:
MadgeFinn · 11/04/2015 12:20

Are you talking to me or the OP, because I've never said crop tops are in appropiate. My dgds wears them.

Original poster
Twoplus3 · 11/04/2015 12:24

REPORTED!!!!??

OP posts:
fourteen · 11/04/2015 12:25

I presume it's because different parents have different tastes.

Fwiw I agree with the op. I saw a kid around 8 years old in a tight belly top and mini skirt at the bowling alley the other day and it did look awful.

My main objection to those kinds of outfits is that they look cheap and tacky, and I would think they look cheap and tacky on an adult too (although I think it looks much worse on a kid).

But then, I like kids dressed in Victorian frock coats, patent shoes and a muffler (in winter obvs) so evidently not everyone will have the same taste as me.

EduCated · 11/04/2015 12:39

My DM was very much like the OP, would never let me or DSis wear bikinis, only full cossies, we weren't allowed out the house in short shorts or cropped tops. Was always on about clothes being too tight, to the point that I didn't wear anything fitted (and thought I was 2 clothes sizes bigger than I was, because clothes had to be loose).

Frankly, at the age of 26 I'm still dealing with the god awful body image issues and the complete lack of confidence around clothes.

Sparklingbrook · 11/04/2015 12:39

What do the question marks in black triangles mean OP?

EduCated · 11/04/2015 12:42

Guessing they're emojis which don't show up properly on here.

CalleighDoodle · 11/04/2015 12:43

I saw a babe in arms once wearing a frankie goes to hollywod 'relax' tshirt ??

KiteKit · 11/04/2015 12:43

I think the OP got a bit of a flaming here really. I mostly agree with her. I have a 9.5yr old and there is simply no way I would allow her anywhere other then the pool side / beach in some of the gear I see young girls wearing around town. Some of it is really awful. And, in my opinion, it is inappropriate for girls of that age. If I am an old fashioned fuddy duddy then so be it. I recognise that as a teenager my dd will want to have autonomy on her 'look' but for now, at 9, I steer her a fair bit. She does have 'hot-pants' style shorts but wears them in winter with tights and converse.

OP, i guess it takes all sorts! I was shocked and amazed in equal meaaure when dd made her communion last year at 8yrd old, in a small country school, how many of her 11 girl classmates were exactly like mini-brides - elaborate 'up-do's', french manicures, shoes with small heels, fake tan etc. I was genuinely amazed and my dd did stand out as being more child-like. Each to their own as I know the other mums were probably pitying my dd her lack of glitz.

Sparklingbrook · 11/04/2015 12:46

Thanks Ed, I keep seeing them. Confused

Sazzle41 · 11/04/2015 12:49

Do you mean crop tops OP ? I dont find them sexual on a child but i have never seen a child in 'skimpy' bum showing shorts like you describe. I was a bit aghast at seeing a 10/11 year old girl on the tube in really tight jeans, heels and full on porn star make up. The looks the child was getting off the men in the carriage were all quite shocked too. Her rather posh, no make up wearing Mum seemed un concerned/unaware which i found even odder. The whole carriage was staring. Some people dont seem to 'see' stuff like that. Yes she was covered up and not showing 'skin' but it was so, so sexual.

MargotLovedTom · 11/04/2015 13:39

Aargh I wish I could articulate how I feel about this but I can't! It's along the lines of respecting the choice of girls to wear what they want (and acknowledging that young girls aren't 'sexual' - leaving aside the fact that some 10yr olds will have started having periods) but resenting the fact that so many clothes for girls are designed to plenty of flesh, while boys can just chuck on a t shirt and pair of board shorts and go and climb a tree without scratching their thighs or spending half their time picking their shorts out of their backsides.

It seems to feed into the idea of fucking 'flaunting toned pins' and 'displaying toned midriff' that the Faildrivels on about. Is this what is expected of the female of the species?

But then again, I want girls to have freedom of choice, so I'm torn.

AuntieStella · 11/04/2015 13:55

The sorts of shorts which vanish up your arse crack and leave lower half of butt cheeks on show look dreadful on children.

I agreed with the campaigns about the sexualisation of children's clothes, and that sort of sexy short is one I think is wrong.

Shorts which cover the arse (even if only just, on a growing child) are OK.

As are most crop tops (short, fun T shirts). But if leopard print with Boy Toy in neon capitals, then agree they're just wrong.

Not all clothes marketed for children are good choices. And I don't want to see a return to the sort of stuff found routinely in some outlets a few years ago on a vague basis that no item is ever inappropriate.

MadgeFinn · 11/04/2015 14:12

Trouble is a lot of young girls are influenced by celebrity and tbh they aren't the best of role models. A lot of singers rely on flashing the flesh rather than any talent and are helping to raise a generation of kids who put too much importance on fake tans, nails, hair extensions and boob jobs.
Of course most girls won't ever achieve celebrity status and all that then does is cause low self esteem.

PutYourBloodyShoesOn · 11/04/2015 17:19

It's just wonderful OP that you are making sure girls as young as 8 know they are being judged on their clothing choices.

They'll have this the whole of their life time.

Well done on making sure they get the message nice and young. That certain clothes are inappropriate and make them look 'such a state'

Hope when my daughters are 8 they will know that they will be judged on what they are like as a person, not what they wear or how much flesh they show when it's hot.

ihatelego · 11/04/2015 17:32

YANBU except for the chavvy comment. I don't think it's right either but then again i think those god awful short style where you can see bum cheek should be banned regardless of age!!

DinkyDye · 11/04/2015 17:42

put would you really be ok with your 8 yo wearing those type of shorts?

What, maybe we should just all go naked in summer to keep cool. I just can't believe the attitude on here. Let's teach our daughters they can wear anything they want and shouldn't get judged. Because l want to see other peoples bit and bobs hanging out.

where are the feminists?! It's a fucking male designing these clothes for young girls because females should show a bit of tit and arse. Regardless of age.

oh right, let's show those men we're going to own our own bodies and we are HAPPY to put our bits on show at 8.

That will show 'em hey.

Ffs. I'm going to hide this thread now.

Hamiltoes · 11/04/2015 17:46

Sazzle so so so many things wrong with your post.

We NEED to get away from this modern phenomena of heels = SEXUAL, makeup = SEXUAL tight fitting clothes = SEXUAL flesh on show SEXUAL. Why!???? Sex is a natural thing that happens between a man and a woman, what does any of the above have to do with sex?? Somehow we see nakedness as sexual, we're born naked, we bathe naked, nothing sexual in either.

We moan about this sexualisation of women and then we spend our time doing it to ourselfs!!! And now little girls!

And what does it matter if the mother was posh? Does that mean she should automatically not let her daughter do any of those things? Maybe she had the sense to not see it as "So, so sexual".

And good on the little girl for not caring if people stared, i'd put money on her growing up to be a strong confident independant young woman. But maybe thats just me.

thornrose · 11/04/2015 17:58

DinkyDye I was going to respond to your post but as you've hidden the thread I suppose it would be pointless.

However, just in case you do come back. Do you really believe that men are designing clothes for 8 year olds in order to teach them to show "tit and arse"? That is some warped thinking right there.

Young children wearing shorts etc are not "putting their bits on show", they are just wearing clothes, on their bodies.

WrappedInABlankie · 11/04/2015 17:59

It's only "inappropriate" when I can see your vagina your shorts are that short.

My DS is naked 99% of the time. You'd have a field day

fourteen · 11/04/2015 18:33

Posters who think people aren't judged on their clothes/appearance are living in lala land.

I don't see how teaching young girls that they will be judged if they wear scanty clothing, high heels, tons of makeup etc is a bad thing. It's simply the truth and they are a lot more likely to get treated in a sexualised way (wolf whistles etc) if they wear those clothes.

PutYourBloodyShoesOn · 11/04/2015 18:41

Dinky I consider myself a feminist. I have issues that when you buy kids clothes in shops the boys shorts are always longer than the girls, the boys have more 'active' and the girls more 'passive' words/ phrases/ images etc. I really do. But I also don't think girls or women should be judged for what they choose to wear. I really don't. It's their body, their ( or their parents) choice.

And the feminist in me notices there are less comments made which relate the clothes boys and men wear to their personality or character, compared to the clothes girls and women wear.

fourteen · 11/04/2015 18:43

Exactly - an eight year old child is not exercising a choice, are they? It's not "her body, her choice", it's the adults around her making inappropriate choices for her.

PutYourBloodyShoesOn · 11/04/2015 18:49

Well my 4 year old sometimes makes choices about what she wears, but obviously I don't know how much choice the child in question had.

But why is it an inappropriate choice to wear a crop top? Or short shorts?

MadgeFinn · 11/04/2015 18:58

And the feminist in me notices there are less comments made which relate the clothes boys and men wear to their personality or character, compared to the clothes girls and women wear
I don't think really you can compare, boys clothes have really always been about being functional, they don't vary much from shirts, tshirts, trousers, jeans and shorts, and things don't change much when they get older. I don't think boys would want it any other way tbh.
If boys were to model themselves on young male celebrities (as girls do with female celebs) they wouldn't really look much different.

PutYourBloodyShoesOn · 11/04/2015 19:03

madge that's my point exactly! Mens clothes are far more functional than women's clothes. And yes, boys and girls clothes reflect this too. This is why it makes such a great issue to be looked at from a feminist perspective, because there is such a gender difference in clothes in our society. And women are judged for their clothes in a way men aren't.