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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask how often your family look after the DC

137 replies

Dontunderstand01 · 10/04/2015 07:03

My mum has looked after DS once, my DMIL once. Geographically, it is harder for my DM to help, but we often go and stay with her for 4/5 days at a time (at their request). There is never, ever an offer of looking after DS so we could pop out, even for an hour. My DMIL lives much closer, but again, only the once.

They both, on a weekly basis, look after their other grandchildren.

OP posts:
HorraceTheOtter · 10/04/2015 07:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeeInYourBonnet · 10/04/2015 07:07

DFIL - never.
DM & DF - overnight once per year, after school once per week, about 20% of school hols.
I count myself very lucky!

Have you actually asked OP? My DPs never really offer cos it doesnt really occur to them ( my GPs never babysitter for us, and my DPs never would have had the money for a night out anyway, when we were little). However they are happy to do the odd evening baby sit when we plan in advance.

Mrsstarlord · 10/04/2015 07:09

My parents, about twice a year for a couple of hours. DH parents and sister died a long time ago and he doesn't really have the sort of relationship with his brother that he would do this.
Kids are 10 & 11

BunnyLebowski · 10/04/2015 07:10

Like you OP, very very rarely.

My parents live in a different part of the UK. DM babysat DD once but rang me to come home from the pub because she was screaming Hmm . She now refuses. Even though she is pretty quick to tell me and my siblings about how easy she found raising 4 of us Hmm Hmm .

MIL has babysat maybe 4 times in 6 years. Once overnight.

I'm very jealous of the people who can go off for weekends and holidays (and even just nights out) knowing their DC are in good (and willing) hands.

CookieDoughKid · 10/04/2015 07:11

Absolutely never. My parents are disabled and the in-laws who live 15miles away are totally disinterested. My in-laws sees my dcs about 3 or 4 times a year including Xmas and birthdays!

shewept · 10/04/2015 07:12

My mum and dad have the kids for 4 hours a week, on one afternoon. She has my 2 and my dbros toddler so they can all play together and have tea together.

They rarely babysit for us. When they do, they prefer to have them at their house overnight. When DS was a baby, they preferred having them at ours so we didn't have to take bottles etc.

Mil and fil have never had ours. The offered to take the oldest (before I had ds) for an afternoon but then ended up coming shopping with us instead. They don't offer and we don't ask. The kids don't particularly want to stay there. They are nice people, we are just not very close with them.

My mum and dad would never offer out of the blue though.

shewept · 10/04/2015 07:13

Do you ask though?

DamselNotInHerDress · 10/04/2015 07:13

My dm occasionally has the dds to stay. Not ds as she doesn't have the room, he's smaller and she's disabled too and would struggle to look after him.
Df never, he lives abroad (smart bloke).
Mil - comes once a week for an hour while we do an exercise class (dc are all in bed, she brings her knitting!). She also volunteers regularly to take the dc out to the cinema, legoland etc, and will have them overnight if we want to go away (once a year for a couple of nights). She's an absolute diamond.

Royalsighness · 10/04/2015 07:14

PIL have my son for 10 hours a week as they live close by and we drop him off and pick him up, my parents not as often as they live about 25 miles away and don't like watching him at my house, they prefer to have him at theirs so it's a bit more tricky as there's a 100 mile journey to drop him, come back, collect him and come back. I don't really like him being that far away in case of an emergency as he is only 22mos.

Unescorted · 10/04/2015 07:14

About 2/3 times a year for my parents and once for MIL. We do visit often because we want to see them and the kids do too - but that is a very different dynamic. They are our children and therefore I wouldn't expect them to.

PlasticCircus · 10/04/2015 07:14

A few times here and there for us- but not a regular thing at all. I am a sahm at the moment so we don't need childcare regularly, but family is happy to step in for random times when we have appts or just a break. We're very lucky. However, I hate asking so I am sure they would do it more if I could get over this.

My son is currently the only grandchild on both sides and both sets of grandparents live pretty close, so it makes the logistics quite easy. But all parents still work so it tends to be an evening babysitting or a couple of hours rather than full days or anything as they have their own lives!

yomellamoHelly · 10/04/2015 07:16

Never.

Tangoandcreditcards · 10/04/2015 07:19

DS is only 14mo

DMIL would gladly do it by lives an hour away and is FT carer for DFIL (dementia) so doesn't get the opportunity.

DF and his wife live 2 hours away and did offer (for the first time last week) but I can't inconvenience them to that extent with a clear concience. Maybe if they were staying with us or something.

Each of my DSis (I have 2) have done one evening's babysitting. Which is the only times DP and I have been out alone in 14mo.

Scouseatheart · 10/04/2015 07:19

MIL, only seen DD maybe twice? Definitely not without me/dh.

My mum on the other hand would absolutely have my DD any day, any time for however long we needed. She regularly steals my DD and tells me to go home and sleep (DD is 3 months old and only just sleeping through) she's even started planning a night in a B&B for me and DH, not to be nice, although it is incredibly nice, but just so she can have DD over night!

DontOpenDeadInside · 10/04/2015 07:22

Ive only got my 84 year old nan, useless brother and NeverBothersWithUsSinceHeGotHisNewGirlfriend dad. My nan may watch them for an hour or 2 if I'm stuck for childcare (i wah but sometimes have to go out) but other than that, never. Dp and i used to go out every 3 years to watch a certain comedian on his tours, but hes retired now so we wont even get that now!

sandgrown · 10/04/2015 07:25

Have DD's children often and when she goes away. DS and partner separated but she still lives a few miles away with DGS. I have offered to babysit but she tends to ask her own mum unless DS has to change his access then I do get to have him!

Fairylea · 10/04/2015 07:27

Never. Ever....!

CraziesTogether · 10/04/2015 07:29

We are very fortunate in that MIL lives very close and will look after DD for us to go out together/go to the gym. Maybe 2x per week for an hour or the occaision evening or overnight.

My parents live a lot further away so they havent looked after DD yet but are having her overnight soon when DH and I visit friends nearby.

I don't know how I would manage without the support!

hopelessadventure · 10/04/2015 07:30

Dm would have my children whenever and wherever. Ages 8, 11 and 13 she has each of them for a few nights each school holidays. Has the two you eat for a week in the summer while ds1 is away so I can have a good break. She is willing to babysit as often as I want her to. I realise I'm very fortunate.

TheBookofRuth · 10/04/2015 07:32

My mum takes DD overnight once a fortnight (used to be once a week before DS came along - started as a way to let us get some rest as she was such an awful sleeper, carried on even though she now sleeps fine because they both love it so much), and babysits both kids on the alternate weeks so DH and I can have a night out.

She also steps in at other times - looked after them both yesterday so I could get my hair cut, looked after the baby the other day so I could take his sister to the dentist, that kind of thing. She's ace, we're very lucky to have her.

DFIL and his wife visit about once a month and are lovely with the kids, but have never asked to look after them on their own, and while I'd let them if they did I'd never ask them to. We don't need the help and I get the feeling that while they love them they'd prefer to keep away from the "messy" side of childcare, which is fair enough!

DMIL lives the furthest away, but visits a few times a year and is a fab, fun, hands-on grandma. She will happily look after either one for a few hours, or babysit both in the evening once they've gone to bed, but I don't think she'd be very keen to have both on her own for any length of time, though I'm sure she'd do it if it was an emergency.

Basically we are very fortunate with all four of them. My DM does the most, but she's the nearest and also the youngest by nearly a decade.

Corster7 · 10/04/2015 07:33

My mum never, she dosent even know there names!
My dad never either.
My mil passed away before having grandchildren, but I know mil would of been a fantastic nanny and would of been happy to have her grandchildren.
My fil will but he will moan about it so tend not to ask unless an emergency.
My sister has looked after mine a handful of times in 14 years.

JsOtherHalf · 10/04/2015 07:34

PIL once minded him overnight as a baby as we were at DH's work do.
He slept from 11pm to 7am.

He is now 8, and no family have babysat since.
In part,this is because they all live too far away.

TryingToBeHelpful · 10/04/2015 07:35

PIL - 4 days a week and overnight if we ask Blush
Don't worry, I know exactly how lucky we are!

Purplehonesty · 10/04/2015 07:35

My mum - every few weeks either overnight or for the day
mil - every school holidays for a Sleepover and every few weeks for a few hours if we need to do something
Aunt - as mil.
We also set up reciprocal babysitting with my best friend and do that maybe once a month.
But would we hardly ever go out its usually when I need to work or just because dm/dmil fancies having them.

redskybynight · 10/04/2015 07:36

In-laws - they have the DC for a couple of days in the schoool holiday and maybe come down to babysit overnight once a year. Only done this for the last 3 years (since they moved to being an hour away rather than 3) though. They would have them more if they lived closer.

My parents have looked after DS once when DD went into hospital (i.e. an emergency). My mother has made too many snarky remarks about working mothers always expecting favours for me to ask for any more! (though funnily enough she has my SAHM SIL's children a couple of times a month at least Hmm)

DC are 11 and 9.