AIBU to ask how often your family look after the DC

[Dontunderstand01]

My mum has looked after DS once, my DMIL once. Geographically, it is harder for my DM to help, but we often go and stay with her for 4/5 days at a time (at their request). There is never, ever an offer of looking after DS so we could pop out, even for an hour. My DMIL lives much closer, but again, only the once.

They both, on a weekly basis, look after their other grandchildren.

Rarely enough.

DD is now 9.

We are very lucky and very grateful that MIL wants to have DD for a week's holidays in summer. DM often (if it suits her social diary) will have DD for 1 night during that.

DF and DPILs will all offer babysitting if we are staying - DF was trying to send DH and I and 2 DSis's "up town" to the pub last weekend, but we were all too shattered (us from driving all day, DSis's from self-inflicted hangovers from previous night). Sometimes we will take that up to go out for a couple of hours. We usually stay in DPILs when "down home" and would get a chance to head out to do something in the day ourselves if we wanted/needed, DD would just go off with whoever is around. Occasionally it may happen that way if we are staying in DPs holidays house too, but less likely.

When DD was tiny, DM came up for a week to help out.

A few times when DHs travel plans changed to be away at the same time as an overnight I had to do and preplanned, (both work), DPIL came up and looked after DD. (We had an au pair at the time too, but I never felt that was a fair burden to put on them).

But generally, it is just us. We live 2.5 hours away from where we grew up and from our immediate families (some still at/near home, the rest are at least that far away). I have some aunts and uncles who are on our "emergency contacts" for collection from school list, and 1 aunt in particular who does some helping out in school holidays in the past 2 years (since DGM died), but none that we rely on for day to day help.

We do have a couple of good babysitters locally that we use though, and great neighbours also on the emergency school list. DD goes to afterschool club in school, and previously went to afterschool club in local crèche, and before school went to a good crèche near our work. So its just what we have always been used to.

DM - never infact we've stopped asking as on a couple of occasions we've bought tickets only for her to cancel on the day

It really fucking riles me on two counts 1. DM&DF moved 400 miles to be closer to us when GC were born 2. As a child I was permanantly looked after by my DM mum and grandma, five days a week and an overnight every weekend, even though DM didn't work.

I'm a DM and a Dmil.

I'll babysit as often as we are asked. It's one of life's pleasures.

We don't get asked too often as the parents can't often afford to go out.

But I see some of my grandchildren about three times a week and the others at least once a week.

From feb to end of November we tend to move around a lot so it's catching us while we are here.

DP did an overnighter for one set of parents. They loved it and can't wait to do it again. They'll have to catch us first ha! Ha!

I got a lot of support from my parents and mil so it's just paying it back for the next generation.

I'm so lucky to have grandchildren .

Nesshito

Who ate the rows with.

I've told my crew to bung me in a home when the time comes. That's why im doing my living now.

I'm three years into my ten year plan!

• are

Wish we could edit our own posts.

We have never had this, from either side. Both sets too self absorbed to even see children, and my mum used to forget their names.

What worked for us was to develop strong friendship groups with a couple of the parents, and do the very occasional overnight swap if we wanted to be out of town. Also we had a good nanny who even after she left would do the odd weekend, although it was a bit pricey.

I think a relationship with a capable student from a local college or uni, especially someone going a health or education course, would pay off-.they would be mature enough to babysit plus overnight if necessary.

Why are posters surprised that parents have social diaries?

It's between Mil and SIL.

Mil feels let down, SIL feels overwhelmed. Then they both call here to moan about the other. It's a bit awkward

It's not going to get any better, you can't stop the aging process! But I hope they manage to come to some sort of resolution soon. MIL is feeling terribly bitter about the whole thing.

Well OP, have you ever asked? If they babysit for their other grandchildren it sound like they are willing and able and maybe the onus needs to be on you. They might have the impression that you don't want them to babysit.

I work Fridays and my parents PIL take it in turns to look after DS (13 months)

He's been to stay the night in his own once at PIL for 2 nights and twice at my parents for 2 nights each time.

Both sets live approx an hour away. I feel very lucky to have this support and don't take it for granted but also I know they really enjoy spending time with him.

Never,we've never been given any help really and I was a single mum to 4DC,attending college,working part time and was vice chair of sure start at one time.

Still don't get any help now and myself and DH have 5DC,2 of our children are autistic and I'm now seriously ill and disabled.

DH family live along way from us,a few hours drive.Every year we go and see them,they never come and see us.We go for a week,it costs us a fortune to stay down there for a week.His Mum and Dad never offer to watch the children even just for a couple of hours would be nice so we could have a meal out one evening on our own whilst were down there.

The children all adore them and would be really good for them but nothing.But then his Mum didn't even bother to speak to me on the phone when she found out I lost my Mum last year after we'd just got back from visiting them.

I don't want them to offer for me I want them to offer for DH sake I Know it would be really good for him.

Whenever I need them, which isn't regularly, maybe once a month or so? Usually its my FIL as he lives locally, but my parents who live 60 miles away would if I really needed them, likewise with DP's grandparents (they have taken them on hoilday twice and minded them when we have been away for a few days at a time). I do consider myself lucky!

Never

DM almost never. No other grandparents for DC. DM always having DSis children, overnight, days out in the holidays, covering working hours. DM is far from fair when it comes to birthdays and Christmas presents too. When I DID ask for babysitting I was told DM would have to check if DSis and BiL needed her first! DM's best friend even mentioned the inequality of treatment of DGC with no effect. Now I've given up and it's her loss. My DC are older and have no interest in seeing her so I don't make them. They have close relationships with other adults in our circle and extended family so no long term harm done. I genuinely sypathise with OP though, as I felt the same a few years ago!

My parents live very close so they look after the girls loads. My DH's parents live in Turkey so they never look after them.

easy answer

never

Never. DM & DF are too tired after looking after 5 of my nieces mon to fri that they refuse (rightly so) to have any grandchildren at weekends...well unless one of my brothers asks them, but that's another story! They did take DS1 overnight 5 years ago before any of my other nieces were born. Since they have arrived they are not interested in watching my kids. Sad but true. My children behave well, have wee tantrums sometimes as all kids do, but we always get comments on how well behaved & polite they are so unsure as to why they refuse to watch them but bend over backwards to help my brothers with childcare.
PILS have never had my DSs even for an hour but again FIL is completly blind and main carer for MIL who had severe mental health problems so although he is more than capable, he has enough to deal with.
We haven't had a "date" in over 5 years. DS1 is 6 & DS2 is 2.

My gran takes my two once a week overnight on average and will sometimes take the oldest for fri-sun if they have something planned.

My mum, maybe averages about once a month overnight and I take her two about once a month.

Both my grans look after them equally while I work full time.

They are amazing :-)

I should point out I don't expect help to look after my children & every time I've asked my parents have said they are too tired from having the DNs all week. Like I said in pp I completely understand that. I would be tired too! It's just annoying that they have the DNs overnight & try to hide it from me. I usually find out by my brothers posting on fb that they are child free thanks to their lovely parents. I sound bitter but I'm not, just feel a bit like my kids aren't good enough as they have granddaughters now.

Sorry to derail the thread but I am amazed how many people I know in my social circle who have no family help yet refuse to use babysitters... Is this is a modern thing? My grandparents and parents wouldn't have thought twice about having a night out and getting a baby sitter. I am amazed when I hear parents say they haven't had an evening out together in 10+ years.

formerbabe
I don't user baby sitters for 2 reasons.

1. The cost.
2. I wouldn't feel comfortable whilst out if I left DCs with someone I/they didn't know well.

This may seem strange to you but is just how I feel. I'm used to it now & we will sometimes open a bottle of wine & get a take away once the kids are in bed. Most of my friends have a very busy social life & have no children so are not really into watching kids when they could be out enjoying themselves. Funnily enough I wouldn't hesitate to offer to look after a friends child (when they have them) as I appreciate how precious a child free night out can be.

formerbabe I used to uses babysitters, but the only one we ever liked was £7 ph (she was a childminder in ger own house during the day and did babysitting on evenings) and worked for a lot of people so you had to book far in advance. No good for short notice, which suited us better. At £7ph , it can be out of peoples price range.

I think the days of local teenagers doing it for a few quid or a favour have long gone. Mum used to pay a neighbours teenager to have us, but I don't know any teenagers that do that sort of thing.

Never. We live in a different country .