AIBU to ask how often your family look after the DC

[Dontunderstand01]

My mum has looked after DS once, my DMIL once. Geographically, it is harder for my DM to help, but we often go and stay with her for 4/5 days at a time (at their request). There is never, ever an offer of looking after DS so we could pop out, even for an hour. My DMIL lives much closer, but again, only the once.

They both, on a weekly basis, look after their other grandchildren.

Well didnt I get put to the test lol

No sooner had I wrote my post I got a ( rare) phone call from my dd asking what I was doing today. Her dd obviously didn't fancy any home edding today.

So she's happily entertaining Gramps ( oh why did we go to bed at 1 am!) while I'm getting ready and her mum and two brothers are getting up to home edding mischief!

At least we passed the test!

My mum has him overnight every 1-2 weeks, she'd have him more in the day if I needed.

My PIL health isn't great but improving and we're getting at half a day once a week which is brill.

I love LO to bits but that free time means a lot to me and I am extremely grateful that LO has GP that love having him.

Mum looked after DD for two/three hours for four days a week for three months as I didn't realise the only creche in our city had a waiting list. I had to beg her and she eventually relented otherwise we would have been stuffed as DH started work at 3:30 and I didn't finish till 5pm. She never babysat after DD went into creche. NC brother and SIL ruined mum wanting to look after grandchildren as they made her look after their three children under three 5 days per week, all day with no thank you, card etc. They were first gc so she never wanted to look after my DD or my other two brothers dc as SIL and Bro used and abused her (dad still worked). We moved 200 miles when DD was 4, so they couldn't anyway, even if they wanted to due to distance.

PIL never as they live abroad. They always doted DD when they came to stay though.

DD now 15, so not a problem anymore!

Very rarely, I hate asking as they either have their own children or have raised theirs. It was our decision to become parents so our responsibility.

It's rare we need a sitter as we do things separate with friends and when we go out together it's as a family.

Formerbabe, it took us a while to find a babysitter. We had au pairs living with us from DD being 5-8.5 years, and while theoretically that included 2 nights sitting/week, we rarely actually got that as all had very active social lives.

Since last AP left, in October, I found a pair of lovely sisters, who are teenage daughters of a work colleague living near me and they have become a great resource. We don't go out that much, but knowing that we can now make plans has been great! They adore DD, and she really likes them (strangely, as it takes her a long time to get comfortable with strangers usually) - and they are very happy to get a few bob now and then from us (they were abroad when most other local teenagers were picking up babysitting jobs).

Both sets of grandparents look after lo every 3/4 months, they love to have lo over however due to living several hours away it's just not feasible. His old childminder babysits roughly every 2 weeks so that DH and I can have an evening out.

Never. My family live 300 miles away and have only seen 5 month-old DS once since he was born (when we took him to them). DP's family visit more often but can barely take care of themselves.

Not at all.

MIL spends time with them though, which they all love.

My own mum rarely even sees them (her choice), to the extent that my 4yr-old looked like this when I told her that I had a mother.

Mil, never.

My parents live abroad, so never.

my ex husbands parents see them one day a week (sat or sunday) from 10am-5pm. He doesn't see them but they picked this up when he slacked and love to be involved. Very lucky to have them so involved even though we haven't had the best relationship.

I would ask my parents to take my two one night a month, 2 at a push if there is something going on.
Single mum so this is my only 'free time'

We're very lucky - my mum has them one day a week while I work, and both sets of parents have had the older one for a weekend at a time (I breastfeed till 2ish so not left the younger one overnight yet). My SIL also lives not too far away and babysits now and again - we don't like to ask too often but she's always happy to help. We're in the fortunate position of our kids being the only grandkids on both sides, so no issues of who gets more childcare.

Do you think it might be a cultural thing also? I suspect some cultures/ethnicities are more likely to have a hands on approach from family and grandparents input to dcs?

cookie
I don't know about cultural but it always amazes me when people say how far away their parents/ in-laws live.
I'm from Northern Ireland, you can drive across the whole country in about 3 hrs, so no one is never very far away. Over here we would consider 40 minutes to be 'far away' lol

Whenever I need them to, to be honest.

I have 4 people who will always say yes to having ds if we need them and they are free so we can get him watched really easily. My mum watches him the most, she lives 10 mins away and he adores her so she has watched him loads of times.

My mum has my daughter, age 3, once a week from 2pm to 10pm but i am working during that time. My MIL never, but she lives the otherside of Scotland.

So, I thought I would update. I think my upset ablut my parents not doing much with DS is that I live 4 hours away from them, and I visit at least 4 or five times a year. This attheir behest, and they often tell me how much they miss DS, asking if i can come and see them. They visit me once a year, for one night, the last time was because it was convenient for them as it is on the way to their cruise! They have a lot of disposable income, no health problems and can both drive.
I spoke to my mum a week ago and said I felt that I am being ounished for moving away, that they don't make an effort to see DS but complain they don't see him enough. My mum somehow managed to make it sound asthough I didn't want to visit for her birthday, so she would cancel everything! I tried to explain again and again that I love her, I am looking forward to her birthday and I want to see her, BUT if they could meet me even a teeny bit of the way it would be good. To visit once a year is fine, but why not for 3 days? She said I was being silly and asked me if work was ok, was me and DH ok, suggesting that it must be something else that is upsetting me.
I spoke to her today, and she said she was talking my DSis children swimming this afternoon, is looking after them while my Dsis works on wed, thrus, fri, and is taking them out again on Saturday so my Dsis can book her holiday 'in peace'.
I asked when they are planning to next visit, that we would love to see them. She said that my dad is busy, she has Dsis kids, and she is seeing me in june and aug anywah, (I am driving up there to see them on their birthday weekends), so there really isn't much point in coming to see us.
tell me aibu, tell me I am a selfish bitch. Tell me anything. I need to understand how I can try so hard and get it so wrong. I love my mum so much, I text her every day, call her 3 or 4 times a week. I send her pictures of DS, I visit as much as I can. She always wants me to stay for a while, so I spend most of my holiday days visitng them. I am nothing short of lost.

Rarely.

Mainly because both sets of grandparents live too far away. My mum is not (and never has been in my lifetime) in good health and dad's now busy looking after her, having recently retired. They have occasionally invited DD up for a week during holidays but never DS who is on the spectrum with a PDD-NOS diagnosis. It saddens me that they are a bit wary of him.

MiL has provided years of continuous childcare to BiL and SiL's 3 children since the eldest was born nine years ago (basically moving in with them for years at a stretch, taking a couple of months off, then going back to it) . The youngest is now five and both mil/fil have followed SiL around on her diplomatic postings. Like a PP said, I feel awful saying it, but I fully expect BiL/SiL or their family to be doing the bulk of the elderly care when the time for it comes even though DH is the eldest son (elderly care is traditionally done by family in their culture). i don't mind if DH does it but whatever arrangement is come to, I won't be doing it although I get this sinking feeling that once they are not up to providing childcare, we are going to be asked to take them in.

As often as I ask.

Never, too far away.

My mum looks after my DS once a week - but this is for work purposes, not for the purposes of going out/having a break etc. She has offered, we've maybe taken her up on it a handful of times? He is, however, the first and only grandchild so I guess that makes a difference.

MIL often looks after some of her grandchildren, but she has refused to look after my SIL's children as she has four of them, all young, and it can be too much for her.

Never.

Never! When I was pregnant Dad and step mom said they'd done their time looking after kids and not to expect any babysitting.
However they look after her granddaughter (same age as my child) at least once a week, including sleepovers

Mil has never had ,:-( though has sil daughter ALL time ,in fact its practically like its her child -not that im bitter lol-
Dm will/would have anytime but don't ask as ill health

My mum looked after dd twice as a baby. She's had them a few times since they went to school.

My in laws had the kids once a week until I went back to work. They now go once a month in term time for the afternoon and tea and once a week in holidays. Occasionally they stay over.

My DM has my eldest DD once a week overnight and they look after her one morning a week as I work. Sometimes it's twice overnight as they love having her! Youngest DD is only a few weeks old and breastfed so can't leave her yet. I'm counting down the days until I can so I can have a stretch of uninterrupted sleep!!