To think that working is impossible for another 12 months at least?

[Marmaladedandelions]

I am pregnant and have a 1 year old. I have no husband or support. I won't earn enough to cover childcare costs.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I? This is one of the few times when I really wish I was!

It is really hard because I just stay at home and it's so isolating.

Oh i totally agree! And will add to depression, or at least it did in my experience. In your shoes i would plan to have the next 6 months at home. That gives you time to have the baby, recover, get into a bit of a routine, perhaps divorce would be sorted? Or nearing sorted and give you some time to think about what you want to do. 6 months isnt very long really so it isnt miles away but i certainly wouldnt be looking to find work with a baby just around the corner. In the meantime, get out every day. Go to parent and toddler groups (even offer to help out or set one up if you are feeling you need a purpose) arrange to see friends, visit family, invite family to your for a day, have trips with your children. I would advise having a plan for each day of the week, even if 3 of those days the plan is to do very little and be around the house, that is totally fine but it helps me to have a plan of what im doing each day. It gives me a sense of control and im less likely to feel overwhelmed and panicky.

Yep, if you want to do something to meet people, to take your mind off the crap, then do it for that reason and don't worry about the wages going on childcare, if you don't have to.

Sounds like you can't really work right now though from what you've said about illness etc, but so this next period could be a good time to be exploring your options.

I've always found hospo and retail jobs the best for making friends. If you want to do social work but you've been out of the workforce for a while it might be worthwhile getting something a bit more low key for a bit, ease yourself back in! So maybe keep an eye out in the villages/towns near you, think about which shops and cafs you like, work on that maybe with an eye to getting something 1/2 days a week after the baby's born and a bit bigger. Yes your wages will go on childcare, but if money's not the point that doesn't matter.

Alternatively, what about a course you can do largely from home but with occasional meetings for the social element. Or a club? What are your interests? You can find babysitters locally and if it's only a few hours a fortnight it should be affordable and might help.

Thanks. I think I'm mainly worried about losing money - not so worried about not earning. May look ito voluntary work?

Who will have the children while you volunteer?
Also setting someone up to volunteer can be time consuming (dbs checks, references etc) so won't be something to get on with quickly.
Also, presumeably you will need time out when you have the baby.
Most organisations will be wary of the time and cost implications of recruiting a volunteer who may not be comitted or reliable due to their personal circumstances.

Yeah probably a stupid idea.

Volunteering isn't a stupid idea at all. It's a great idea.

hobnob are you ok?

Does Homestart operate in your area? www.home-start.org.uk/ If so, you may be entitled to some relief to enable you to volunteer.

I could pay for it, it might be a worthwhile investment.

I used to volunteer for Samaritans ages ago?

I think volunteering would be a really positive way for you to boost your confidence, improve your emotional wellbeing and further your career options for later down the line. :)

Thinking of it as an 'investment' seems very wise to me. In your wellbeing, career prospects, life balance...

I'm sure your parents would think it a very good use of your inheritance.

Ha X post

And to make new friends! Think about what areas you'd be interested in, as well - if you're thinking about social work then maybe something in that area. Community gardens and animal shelters usually attract lovely people, if you're that way inclined.

Thank you. I'd like that i think :)

I think you sound down and you've had some harsh comments.

You've got to play the long game here, so think about the next 5 (or even 10) years rather than one. If that means one year of not working but doing some volunteering to keep involved, then do it. If it means studying to retrain after one year, and you can afford it - go for it.

It might not be a bad idea to get some counselling as well, to help you work through the loss of your Dad and brother as well as things in general.

I deserve a bit of harshness; I frequently annoy myself so I'm not surprised when I annoy other people! :)

But yes i think I am probably very depressed.

Absolutely fine.
Just warning of the pitfalls as someone who recruits and manages volunteers on a regular basis.
Volunteering is ace but it aint always a quick thing and it is a commitment.
But hey ho.
No.you go for it op you will be recruited checked and ready to go in a week.and can come and go as you please.
Is that better arsenic.

Well I, for one, have been depressed there so no judgement from me. I think counselling is a good idea - even if you have to get a babysitter for two hours.

Sometimes depression is chemical, sometimes its neuronal thought patterns that have become established and sometimes it is related to circumstances - but whatever the cause, don't beat yourself up over it. But do seek help for it.

I know but i had counselling have no one to have dd - just got to ride this one out I thibj

Cruse Bereavement Care provide both telephone and email support. Would that be an idea?

www.cruse.org.uk/email-support

I also think it's a bit optimistic to think you can just 'ride out' PND if it returns.

You need to look after yourself first so that you can look after the DC. You are SO important, you're the lynchpin.

Maybe have a chat with your GP? See what would be available if the PND returned.

I agree. See your GP about your options. You are really important to your little family.

Don't just ride depression out op.

Thanks. Just not sure what to do really. I can't take ads due to bring pregnant and then i want to breastfeed.

Book an appointment with your gp to discuss options... You may be able to take certain ads.