To think that working is impossible for another 12 months at least?

[Marmaladedandelions]

I am pregnant and have a 1 year old. I have no husband or support. I won't earn enough to cover childcare costs.

I'm not being unreasonable, am I? This is one of the few times when I really wish I was!

Its very early days in terms of your split from h. You have 2 children, one who is a baby and pregnant/ill.
Once baby is born and you feel up to it, perhaps start going to baby/toddler groups? A few friends, even aquaintences may help you feel better?

Honestly, from what you have said, getting through the day for the next 12 months is probably the most you can hope for.

At some point in the future, a house move might be a good idea? Somewere not quite so remote? A fresh start....

Hello.

I married a knob too. I'm a lone parent with two children and I work full time. I won't pretend it's easy, but I can tell you that you have to start from the position that you can do it.

When I take a new job I tell my employers what I can and can't do work wise. I cannot be late picking up the kids UNLESS I have adequate notice and can make arrangements. I'm flexible and often work from home to make up for it.

I have to work for my sanity. I don't earn much extra from working once childcare etc is factored in but it's worth it for lots of reasons.

Lots of people tell me that they don't know how I do it but once you get into the routine it's easy. You are lucky that you have the means to earn a good salary from teaching and I think when your baby is old enough you should give it a whirl.

It's all about the positive mental attitude and you do sound very negative. But there are lots of us who make it work.

It's funny where I live cause it's only 10 mins from a biggish town. I grew up here as well. But I do love it. Just a bit cliquey I think.

Do you have friends in town?

Thanks temporary. I want to do something but it is hard.

No, not really :(

Ok, well it might be an idea to try and reconnect/make new friends to combat the lonleyness?

Yeah definitely! It's just hard cause I never see anyone.

Have you managed to sort any care for the birth/ postnatal period?
Not sure how feasible getting a job is in your current position given how little support you have.

Up to you..as long as I'm not subsidising your choices, it's entirely your business.

Yes, managed to sort that out so that's one weight off my mind at least :) Thank you.

I also thought you were moving and home schooling your son with no support and have refused any unsupervised access to your dh.
Seems a lot on your plate to then pluck social work out of the air as a potential career.

I don't agree Primadonnagirl. I think that the benefit system is there to help someone like the OP get back on her feet if she qualifies and she needs it.

Hobnobs DS feels able to give school another try. I obviously want him to be happy, that's all. He was just overwhelmed by everything.

Moving is still a possibility but in any case we'd be moving from one house I own to another house I own. It wouldn't be a big massive upheaval. Same county, no solicitors or estate agents or anything. Anyway - not decided on that yet.

I don't know if it's entirely accurate to say I've 'plucked social work out of the air'; I've been interested for ages but the other poster was probably right and I wouldn't cope :)

OP - correct us if I am wrong. dont you have a number of houses you own and a morgage free house, an ex partner that will support you. Savings...

Why on earth would you want the state to? If you dont want to work - then dont and cash in your savings until you are ready to.

No the benefit system is there to support people who need it not choose it ( not saying the OP is btw)

YABU to think it is impossible. Many people do it (i did) however yanbu to think it isnt preferable and would be easier/better/financially sensible not to. But it is certainly not impossible.

This isn't about the benefit system, Hillingdon.

I have two properties that I own as well as a mortgage free house yes. I don't have savings as such, the savings are the properties.

I want to work, I am extremely worried about the future, as well as really wanting to for my own sake. But every time I think I've hit on a possibility I have to take a step back.

I didn't even know about the property my parents owned. My dad was a headteacher and he bought a flat when he got his pension lump sum as an investment. My mum just never sold her parents' house (she was an only child.) The house I live in now was the house I lived in as a child, it's obviously increased in value over the years. I doubt any of this would have happened but my brother died very unexpectedly (well so did my dad but he was 66, my brother was only 33) so it went to me. I'm grateful for it but at the same time it represents huge, massive loss. Plus I have a horrible uneasy feeling i contributed to my dads heart attack, and I think my brother would still be here if my dad wasn't so I've got two deaths on my conscience :( I would give it all back to see them both again and apologise.

Didn't you have this exact thread (at least once) under a previous name a couple of weeks ago?

Which one were you thinking of janine? I have posted a fair bit lately and I apologise if I've been repeating myself. I did get pulled up for omitting information as well, though, so obviously I regret it if the thread has irritated or irked you in some way but I can't please everybody.

OP you could sell one of the properties to allow you to stay home for a few years and retrain/update your skills.

I could when the divorce is through, that is a possibility. Financially I can stay at home, it's more about long term, about myself.

It is really hard because I just stay at home and it's so isolating. I know it's my own fault but still.

I've (sort of) been where you are. You're clearly not happy (money doesn't make you happy!). But I think that you think that working will make you happy, as it's such a big change. Logically though, working will create a lot more stress right now.

I just feel stagnant. I stopped feeling stuff when I was married. Now I feel it all and hate it but think about it constantly as I've no distraction.

Money doesn't make you happy.

If money is not an issue, then it wouldn't really matter if you don't earn enough from a job to cover childcare costs. Obviously, I don't know anything about your financial situation but if there is enough income from the properties to support your family comfortably now, wouldn't there be enough money for childcare and other expenses if you were to go back to work (with the addition of your salary)?

I agree with others that moving might be a good option, if you are feeling isolated in your current location.