To ban DD from speaking to "racist child" who uses the N word.

[MaryNotPoppins]

DD (6) came home a few months back saying another child in the class keeps on getting into trouble (thank god) because they keep on saying the N word. They also say The P word for Asians (forgive me for abbreviating them but they make me sick to even type).

I thought perhaps it was a one off after she first made me aware but other moms have also shared stories lately of how horrified they have been after having this child over for playdates regarding their racist language. There wont be any ethnic children present for example and this child will still say "you are an N word" if they are playing if she doesn't get what she want's etc.

I have considered that perhaps it's just ignorance since she has called other white children this name however it has been widely confirmed by teachers and parents (not in a petty hearsay way) that 99% of the time this language is directed towards the ethnic children.

I try to judge for myself but I've never had her over and have never ever seen her parents, she gets dropped off by a child minder who drops off about 7 kids in her class as they all live locally.

Now -

The parents of these poor children at the end of racist abuse have told me some of the things this child has said and it's horrid. Disgusting. She tells black kids to swim back to Africa and eat only bananas for lunch and wont stop telling this poor Indian girl she stinks.

The fact that it's been going on for so long after multiple warnings from the school means it's obviously something embedded in this child from home.

I hate the notion of judging kids absolutely hate it....but this one sounds like a bad egg! I know no child is born racist or perhaps genuinely racist and that it comes from home but where so we draw the line?

My DD speaks to everyone and even if someone has previously been in trouble always gives everyone a chance....but I wan't her to keep her distance from this kid. Its a class of 20 and everyone is friends there arent friendship groups....I don't want her around this vile language or behavior.

I'm not an unrealistic smothering mother I know they have to grow up but 6 is too young to be listening to this rubbish. I hate the cringey idea of telling my DD to stay away from another persons DC it seems so high handed but I don't want her around it. I've told her to always stand up for someone who is being picked on (they are 6 so obviously "That's not nice" will suffice ) and always to tell the teacher....

AIBU to say stay away from this kid but if they ever want to be nice again then fair enough? I don't like the idea of this type of conversation with DD it's very heavy but what else can i do?

Well you'll find children with all sorts of disruptive behaviour in every class,you can't boot them allowed out.

All

Sparkly do you accept that your solutions- exclusion or one to one are not doable?

Interesting post river.
I believe that the child in this case will eventually be excluded

Unpalatable as it may seem, racism isn't a special case that requires immediate removal of a child from school (at 6, at least). It is treated the same as any other disruptive or hurtful behaviour. That's not to downgrade the effect it has on any other children, but it has to be tackled in the same way, according to LEA and school policy and the perpetrator has to be given the same support as any other child displaying a range of unwanted behaviour.

The only way it differs is that it's reportable and recordable to the LEA.

So much energy still applied to a thread where the op pissed off after her epic name fail change and her dubious excuse. It's now whittled down to the same few posters arm wrestling over an imaginary six year old.

Joyfull

I'm just waiting for the rest of the household to get out the bloody shower so I can get on with my day.

Plus, I won't be chased off a thread by people calling me a racist

Ok. It's clear I'm only an ignorant parent that wants to put my child first.
I'd ask my dd if she can manage to shut this crap out. I'd keep talking to her. I'd tell her that the child is spouting horrible stuff because she isnâ??t getting the support she needs. I'd explain that us moving schools is an option. And I'd be THAT parent with the school if my child's education was suffering .

That would be the right approach, sparky.

Thanks for all your support guidance and help. It's been such a learning experience and I am now a better parent.

You're more than welcome.

God, this thread has pissed me off.

Icimoi that is not Well annoyed's problem to solve. It is for the school and education authorities. What is absolutely clear is that the other kids cannot be expected to put up with this abuse any longer.

Duplodon, is punishment always violent?

Itsallkickingoff, no one is chasing you away and why does a discussion on racism cause so much discomfort?

did we ever find out why a 6 yr old was tudying level 6 SATS?

Yes op said there is an older brother.

"why does a discussion on racism cause so much discomfort?"

A discussion doesn't. Random accusations do.

Laughingcow- misunderstanding- there is also an older child.

Hakluyt, I don't really see why one to one is out of the question. Yes, I know funding would be a struggle, but that isn't a reason in itself to put it out of all consideration.

Icimoi- there just isn't the budget for it. It couldn't happen. The school system is awash with children who would benefit hugely from a full time one to one.

I think Sparky's suggestion of one to one TA support is the most sensible solution and of courses it's doable. As the child is not responding to requests/ interventions/ punishments etc they would probably be diagnosed as having either Emotional Behavioural Difficulty or learning difficulty, and funding for support provided. They get support to address this behaviour and the other children in the class don't have to be subjected to racist taunts as child is taken out if the room every time it happens. Support worker should be present at play times too.
I don't think the school is dealing with it effectively at all. The other children should have a whole school year if being called racist names.

charley- funding for a full time one to one? Would that be available in your LEA? It most certainly wouldn't be in mine.

They could divert TA time to supporting this child, but they've probably already done that. 1:1 isn't about sitting on a child and loudly going "La!La!La!" every time they come out with swearing etc so the others don't have to hear it.
Extra support will be one of the things the SLT have looked at or tried, way before the steps towards exclusion were taken.

I agree it would be wonderful if children with challenging behaviour could be given their own 1:1. A properly trained member of staff who could lead them through the day to day stuff and link in with multi agency support.
Instead of asking Why is That Child still in the school? it would be more useful to ask Why is inclusion still done so badly and is criminally underfunded in many schools?.

Hakluyt, yes there are some children who get 1:1 support. A close friend of mines daughter got it from year 1 as she wasn't compliant. E.g. Wouldn't sit on carpet at carpet time, wouldn't do as she was told, low level disruption. The parents and school pushed for an assessment. She got a (quite vague) diagnosis of EBD, a Statement of S. Ed needs and almost full time in-class support.

I know it's unusual to get this much support these days but as this child's behaviour is severely impacting on other children's well being as well as her own, if I was the school I would push for that. As others have said, she will only end up excluded and costing the state more money over the years so better to intervene immediately.

And by support I do mean an adult who will challenge her language and behaviour and address the issues, not just remove her without addressing them