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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To Have Walked Out

400 replies

queeneileen · 08/04/2015 20:23

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

OP posts:
florascotia · 09/04/2015 19:23

Daff Your chronology is all wrong (and your apologies for racism are offensive). When the OP's mother was young, the Beatles were at the peak of their fame; love and freedom and all kinds of new ideas were in the air. Many young people really did believe in the 'brotherhood of man' - that included people of all colours, of course. And women...

There have been Black and Asian people living in Britain since the 16th cent, especially in port cities such as Bristol and London. In Scottish cities, such as Dundee, Black people famously campaigned against slavery in the 19th century. After WWII, the British government positively encouraged people from the Caribbean and the Indian Subcontinent to come to Britain to fill gaps in the labour market.That was 70 years ago, not 30 ....

There is only one race; the human race. And, while there may be cultural differences between different sub-groups of peoples - between English and Scots, for example - physical appearance and non-British heritage really are no excuse whatsoever for discrimination.

TinLizzie · 09/04/2015 23:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 19:28

Im glad you have seen past this issue OP and are looking after her. I do however feel I need to answer flora. Stop with the offensive, people have different views due to where, when and how they grew up and a bit of understanding doesnt go a miss.

Flowers
Kampeki · 11/04/2015 19:35

daffs, it's a bit rich to tell others to "stop with the offensive" due to the very offensive nature of some of your own posts.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:04

My posts were not offensive at all. I was saying that it takes time to get used to things. England has been rather bombarded over the last couple of decades. This is a fact.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:06

If you told France for instance that they were going to become "multicultural" within 10 years Im sure they would be a bit upset. You name any other country and Im sure that would be the case too. So I really don't get why you're offended.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 20:18

France is already very multicultural. Confused

And your posts were incredibly offensive in my view, as you appeared to be suggesting that it was normal for older people to be racist and homophobic.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:20

Its normal for people to buck against change. Thats all I was saying and giving another point of view. All this how very dare you, walk out, disown an older person for it is very ridiculous. I suggest calm and understand works better.

vivideye · 11/04/2015 20:25

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daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:26

Thats a personal attack vivi so I'd be careful there.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 20:27

I'm not suggesting that anyone disowns anyone, but multiculturalism in the UK is not new, and age is no excuse for bigotry.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:31

Its come about in the last 20 years or so. I understand having to get used to things. Personal attacks on people and calling them morons, idiots, biggots etc. is not the way to go. It incites.

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 20:39

Its come about in the last 20 years or so

Well that made me laugh. Clearly there were no immigrants before 1995, none whatsoever Hmm

Ringsming · 11/04/2015 20:41

Daffsandtulips really the last 20 years????? It's been going on ever since prehistoric tribes started moving across!!

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:43

Now, we all know that's not what Im saying so I dont understand why you have to say this Chipped. Im talking about a mass influx of course. Things in small quantites are doable to most. Im talking about human nature and drastic change, which is hard.

paxtecum · 11/04/2015 20:43

Age has nothing to do with it.
My grandparents were born in 1896, they weren't racists, nor were my parents, nor are my siblings, they are age 65-70.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:45

Why on earth are you jumping on things like this? Its been going on since whenever. We are talking about on mass now.

Kampeki · 11/04/2015 20:47

What nonsense that it has come about in the last 20 years! If that's the case, why do you think Enoch Powell got so upset about immigration in the 1960s? There have always been racists in this country, and there are still many around today.

Calling a bigot a bigot is merely telling it as it is. Making excuses for bigotry, on the other hand....

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:47

Has it effected them though Pax? thats the question. Mass immigration has effected certain people in certain places. No one has listened to that, its now come about that there is a party, rightly or wrongly that is going with that. Hence they have gained a lot of power recently. If there wasn't an issue this would never have come about.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:50

Here we go, Im not making excuses, there is always will be people with extreme views. But screaming racist is wrong too. Don't you understand that?

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 20:50

Now, we all know that's not what Im saying so I dont understand why you have to say this Chipped

Because like pretty much everything else you have said on this thread, you are talking absolute rubbish.

Next you'll be moaning you can't get a council house 'cause of all the forriners.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:50

will always be

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:51

Why are you being so horrid Chipped? you sound very angry.

daffsandtulips · 11/04/2015 20:54

Im not angry, Im asking for understanding. I really can't understand why people have to personally attack nor be rather horrible in their assumptions.

Chippednailvarnish · 11/04/2015 20:55

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