To Have Walked Out

[queeneileen]

My mum is truly doing my head in. She's managing to drum up arguments left, right, and centre with both me and my DS(13) I've got to the point where I'm limiting the time DS and DM spend together to less than 30mins at a time - they're as stroppy as each other and wind each other up - but I still go round every night after work for a brew. She's 67, disabled (can still get out and goes out every Saturday night to the local for company), but doesn't really do much socialising during the day.

Aaaaaanyways, she's just becoming more and more argumentative. Yesterday we rowed about politics, royal mail, the SNP, Scotland, her tv guide.
Today it was about employment law and the fact she thinks it's a shame employers can't hire who they want but instead have laws they have to cow-tow to. This was all sparked from her asking if Asians owned my opticians as the place was "flooded" with them. I work for an employment law company and started telling her about (quite sodding obvious) laws in place to stop discrimination happening. Queue massive row where I don't allow her to have her own opinion and it culminated in her accusing me of calling her a racist pig, and me telling her she IS racist. She is - not 15mins before she told me she was nearly sick when the Asian optician was checking her eyes as he was in her face. (note: I'm sorry. It's what she said)

She decided then she was offended that I think she's racist, and offended that I could say that to her in the manner I did. And I just said I was leaving and walked out.

I can't hack listening to her. I can't hack the rows. I can't hack the expectation of me sitting there listening to her spout bullshit because it's her opinion, even if I find it offensive. I end up openly questioning what she's saying and - I'll be honest - telling her she's talking crap.

I'm hugely sad I've walked out but AIBU to have done so?

There is a problem at the moment with mass immigration. No, it hasn't been addressed. People have been told to shut up and get on with it. People have been practically forced to go with a party due to others not listening, that is a fact now. Its obvious and staring everyone in their face. Becoming aggressive and shouting racist, moron or any other personal attack does not help. Im asking for a bit of understanding and I get bile. Calm down.

Im pretty astounded by your anger to be honest here chipping all you can do is call me names. I have not called you anything, only acted on your nasty words.

OP, I am glad you and your mum have found a way through your differences.

Daff.... I began to pick apart your posts, as they are so flimsy, so lacking intelligent... And then I thought, why? Why am I bothering? Your reference to France truly reveals how, well, ignorant you are.

I hope i never have that much time on my hands to actually "pick" someones posts apart Another personal attack one feels. Does it matter about intellect? Im a feeling person myself.

Daffs, small minded, ignorant, racist comments, such as those made by yourself in this thread, do tend to rile people.

I'm not calling you names. As I said before the truth hurts.

Daffs, this isn't a thread about best way to remove carpet stains.

We are discussing something very important. And you represent the underbelly of the issue.

You are a "feeling" person? I am genuinely about that.

"Does it matter about intellect"

Did you mean to write that?

I have never once called anyone a name. You are rude beyond belief. Listen to yourselves. Maybe the acorn doesnt fall far from the tree? Yea who protests too much and all that

Here we go I am neither stupid nor ignorant. I know this due to never ever calling another person a name. I try to understand rather than belittle.

Yes Daffs, you are quite inspirational.

We are all enjoying your breathtakingly accurate command of the facts, daffs.

1. you are incorrect to conflate racism with old age. It is an offensive form of age discrimination to suggest that old people are racist, or are more inclined to be racist, and, moreover is FACTUALLY WRONG.

2. In any event, you are WRONG to suggest that there was any culturally normative racism in the 60s. Your grasp of cultural norms is simply incorrect. Racism is not 'old values', it is simply nasty, spiteful and stupid behaviour. You are simply wrong on a factual basis to suggest that it is anything else.

3. Your suggestion that 30 years is not a long time is WRONG. It is actually a very long time indeed and certainly at least 29 years and 364 days longer than is needed to recognise the FACT that racism on any level, for any reason, is disgusting.

4. France IS a multicultural country. This is a FACT. So you are WRONG to suggest it has not already become one.

5. You are WRONG to assume that this country has 'repressed the English person in their own country for far too long' because in FACT this has never ever happened. At any point. Ever. (As an aside, I wonder with concern about your evidently non-existent grasp of the most basic historical facts about this country).

6. You write that 'I have not seen Asian/black/Islamic cultures to afford women equality'. This is WRONG first because it is a sentence which makes no sense whatsoever syntactically. But, secondly, Britain is and always has been a very sexist country, long before any forriners got here. You are simply WRONG to suggest on any level that we are not a sexist culture.

7)the OP's post is about her mother picking fights with her and upsetting her deliberately and in a way which is designed to be offensive and hurt her feelings. You are FACTUALLY WRONG to misunderstand the nature of the OP and pretend, as you do, that this is all about the intolerance of the young for the old.

8. you are WRONG to spell 'en masse' as 'on mass'. Hilariously, you have attempted to use a French expression. If you are so very concerned about 'the English', you might want to consider learning how to speak/write the language correctly as a first step.

yet again, why? I don't see the point in being passive aggressive either Enjoy.

I think you're handling the situation well. Things got very bad between my FIL and I, I was so sick of his spouting Daily Mail hatred but I also accepted is a lonely, elderly man. DH intervened and it was agreed that certain topics would be off limit when he came to stay and it has worked well so far. Fingers crossed it works for you too.

daffs, if we shouldn't call racist behaviour racist, what do you propose we should do about it? What should we say about it?

"Yet again, why?"

Because this is an important issue and you are spouting crap.

So posters are trying to put you straight. That's why.

Daffs - I did not mean to be personally rude and so, if I was, I apologise, but I do feel strongly.
In particular, your 'past generation' excuses concern me. They just don't fit the facts. Racial prejudice has been seen to be wrong for hundreds of years, and has been illegal in the UK since the 1960s. The OP's mother was born c 1948. The Race Relations Act was passed in 1965, when she was a teenager. She must have been aware of it; it was accompanied by a vast amount of publicity. It was amended and strenthened, with even greater publicity, in 1968 -the year of Enoch Powell's infamous 'rivers of blood speech' (he was 56 at the time, and very much an oldie). Then, she would have been 20 at the most. Since that time, issues of equality and discrimination have rarely been out of the news... Of course, some people continued to hold racist views after the 1960s but they were not legally acceptable, and the OP's mother must have known that. And public opinion has changed a very great deal in the 50 years since 1965; she must know that, also. What might have been socially acceptable (if prejudiced and unpleasant) ideas among her grandparents' generation circa 1900 were no longer so even in her youth, and are certainly not today.

I am very sorry to hear from OP's post that her mother has been unwell. I hope that she will soon be better. But I have friends of the same age as the mother, and older. They were of the generation that campaigned for equality. It's historically inaccurate to say that the mother is simply harking back to her youth. As I said before, for many - perhaps even most - young people alive at that time, the 60s was the age of love'n'sex'rock and roll - and demands for freedom and equality.

Sadly, there have been racist incidents since the 1960s - the Stephen Lawrence murder was in the early 1990s, for example - but they were seen as outrages by the majority of public opinion, even at the time.

For a detatched, impartial, factual, academic account of immigration since the early 1990s, see here; www.migrationobservatory.ox.ac.uk/briefings/long-term-international-migration-flows-and-uk
Yes, there has been an increase in net immigration since the 1990s, but almost half (45%) of all immigrants to the UK are temporary - they stay (mostly as students) only for 1 or 2 years. (And they bring a lot of money with them.) And almost half the immigrants, around 48%, come either from Europe or are British citizens from overseas.

Daffs I suggest you look at this: www.theguardian.com/news/datablog/2014/oct/29/todays-key-fact-you-are-probably-wrong-about-almost-everything

I am a bit sick and tired tbh of this whole argument being trotted out about how old people can't help it/we should be understanding etc etc. My Granddad is 74 and sometimes comes out with the most vile racist comments. I always call him out on them, generally just because he's really shockingly ill-informed most of the time.

When people bleat on about 'immigration' they're not looking at the actual reasons why people come to this country. These are the much more important issues than the Daily Mail's imaginary hoard of so-called asylum seekers. And for some reason people who have no idea how to think logically just repeat things they've read in the Daily Mail (or similar) without any idea that none of it is based in fact.

Sample: some idiot on my facebook re-posted one of those moronic Britain First posts saying 'SHARE IF YOU THINK ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS GETTING BENEFITS IS A DISGRACE WHILE OUR OLD PEOPLE GO HUNGRY!'

Errrrm what? ILLEGAL immigrants don't get benefits love. The clue is in the world 'illegal'.

OP, YANBU, I would have done the same. It's a very difficult thing to deal with when it's family.

I dont need to be "put straight". Massive influx of different denominations takes time. That to me is very reasonable.

It doesn't take time because all you have to do is mind your own business. That takes literally no time at all.

Oh pinning, I used to know someone who was also always going on about "illegal immigrants" and how they have it so good here.
It's the same kind of stupidity I see evidenced here, fgs, an illegal immigrant gets squat all from this country!

Denominations?

what are you like.

Denominations refers to Christian religious groups.