Houseguest From Hell: The Outcome

[Lilylonglegs]

This is for all those who were following the original thread, asking whether I would be unreasonable to kick out my friend who was visiting for a week after her scathing comments and seeming reluctance to leave at the appointed date.

For all those who thought the story was not true, oh how I wish it wasn't, and for all those who advised me to drop the bag at the hospital. YOU WERE RIGHT.

I was feeling guilt at not sticking to the original dates and wanted to at least let her stay the next few days as agreed, however things came to light that let me know FOR SURE that she had no intention of leaving despite the mediation session and being blatantly told that she was not welcome.

Let me rewind back to yesterday. I called her at 5.30pm and she asked me to come back and get the boy. I said that I was not nearby (I hate the way how I was driven into basically becoming a liar like her) and she said that the other friend who lives nearby (who according to her begged her to stay in her house) who she met in France (let me call her French Friend) can come and take him. I said that was best as I didn't know what time I was coming back. She said that she would call her and make the arrangements.

I then called her at 9.30pm and told her that I still was not home, that I would stay the night at my mums house and go back in the morning as I had misplaced my key (another lie from me) She then made a joke that it was a good job they were keeping her in as if she had been out we would have both been "sleeping outside" I did wonder why she wouldn't go to FF if the son was there but I didn't mention it.

I asked what the doctors were saying and she said they took blood and she has to wait 48 hours for the results. I asked what the likely outcome was if there was a clot. She said that she would be put on treatment. I then asked where the son was and she told me that FF came and spent the day with her and was at the hospital between 1 and 5, and then took him home with her at 5. (Remember I spoke to her at 5.30pm and she was going to call FF to come and get the son.)

After sitting and thinking about it and coming to the conclusion that there was no way this was not just a bunch of BS (I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and think that just MAYBE she had good intentions but has a different was of going about things than me) I texted her at 10.30pm "Please send me FF address so I can drop the case off there."

There was no reply and I went to bed. In the morning I saw texts she had sent from 12.30am later that night. Saying, "You need to let me come out of the hospital. I cant stay as FF's house as she is under the government (she means council housing) and she called me a few minutes ago that her daughter has been rushed to the hospital so she will need to return DS to the hospital tomorrow morning so you need to have patience as this is a very difficult time for me. I should be out of here tomorrow because the results are out and everything is fine."

These were the texts that made me realise that she is really just a liar and a user. Plus I was with my mum when the texts came through and she went ballistic saying that I should not let her back in the house at all as she is spinning story after story. It is funny how everyone who desperately wants to house her goes on holiday or has some other emergency. It was also funny how at 9.30pm there was all this talk about results in 48 hours and needing treatment but then just 3 hours later, she is completely fine and leaving in the morning.

So I went home packed up all her stuff. All the bags of food shopping she had done (enough to last a few weeks not a few days) and the suitcase. I went to the hospital and dropped it on the reception at the ward. I do think this was somewhat cowardly on my part but I really didn't want to face her non stop sob stories etc. By the time I had got back to the car she was already texting me saying that I need to call her and we need to talk. I said "I had my own emergency. My mum has dropped your bags." She still kept sending texts saying that I should call her and that we really need to talk. No doubt she was still hoping on persuading me to stay. I then went a step further and told her "I'm already on the way to the airport. You already told me you had made other plans."

After this I guess she knew there was no coming back and then came the texts about me being heartless and wicked culminating and a rant about she knows I came to the hospital because the staff told her that it was me and my mum, how I ran away and didn't even attempt to see her on her sick bed. How she is seriously shocked by my behaviour, and she can't believe her life has come to this, how can she know such a wicked person.

I just said "I was not there. I don't know who ran."

That was the last contact I had with her. I am spending the day at my mums and although I feel guilty and not holding up to my end of the agreement by letting her stay until the time agreed I feel relieved to have my house back, as I don't think she would have left, and even now I am worried about her turning up, and even worse staying in the area somehow.

Normal parents would be concerned about things like school term dates, Forago. However, this boy's parents seem about as "not normal" as any if us rational parents could possibly imagine.

She gives him an English program online to improve his English. I think it's a bad move to go from place to place where Italian is not the first language without any idea of where you actually want to stay as he will only get put in a class with other esol speakers and not learning much. Of course being young he will become fluent quickly, but too much of this disruption and he will fall behind.

Lol at people who still think hg is from Sweden

I can't believe you wouldn't phone the hospital social worker office or call local SS.

I just cannot believe it.

Mathanxiety, and tell them what!? It's OPs word against the mother. The mother is not a UK citizen. You can't seriously think that the UK government can just take a child of a visiting foreigner from his mother against her will -- based on hearsay!?

You can't seriously think that the UK government can just take a child of a visiting foreigner from his mother against her will

HeyDugee although you are of course right about the hearsay, as a foster carer I actually have two children with me at the moment for whom the above scenario applies. I have also had other children in the past too. So yes it can and does happen.

spiney

Hi sorry to be a pain. Is her identity definitely hers. The 10 is a red alert. I personally lock away all my documents but would urge you to make sure you have all yours. Stolen identity is not fun. Just in case. Do you know her parents and are you sure she is who she says she is.

Mathanxiety, and tell them what!?

"Hello. I'm not sure if you can help me but I have some concerns about a child. His mother was visiting the uk when she became ill and is now in hospital. I don't know if his father knows that he is here and the mother has indicated that she intends to stay in the uk. The boy is currently homeless and not in education. Is there someone that could make the necessary checks on his welfare. Thank you."

It really is not that hard.

fairenuff is right. I think the threshold is reached. What would I do. Fell no guilt. This has allowed her to prey on your hospitality. Get an authoritative relative to answer her next text informing her that if she does not stop the police will be contacted. Harsh. Hell yes but actually she has dragged her pregnant self here and part of the next step should not be taking you and your daughter down with her. She needs help but professional help. That boy is not on holiday, is missing education and is now technically under the radar. In child protection terms that is enough. If there is no problem there will be no action but he will be on the system. Then social workers can look at her needs. Sorry Lilylonglegs I suspect she is here to stay if she can and you need peace of mind.

There does not need to be a "crime" to call social services and you do not need to have any proof. All you need to do is tell them your concerns and they will take it from there. If the child is safe they will leave him be.

I totally think you did the right thing with regards to getting rid of the house guest. She (and her son) are not your problem and you have your own family to consider. BUT that 10 year old boy could be sleeping on the streets tonight. It is not your responsibility to solve this problem but I would suggest that it is your moral duty to at least make the people who do have that responsibility (ie SS) aware.

Btw although I am not a social worker I have had extensive safeguarding training. The mantra if in doubt about identified risks refer. He is at risk and there are few strengths here as he has no access to a supportive network outside his mother and her friends. This tale has escalated quickly hence my initial disbelief. It has escalated far enough.

May I ask a question please OP? I'm a PP who suggested hugging the HG I must be Cameron on the previous thread. Ok - I may have been wrong with that suggestion - I can accept that.

Anyway, for clarity, could you offer some descriptive on what you, mediator and HG were doing in Ghana please? The only thing I really understood was that HG tried to pull one over on you with the damage to HG's? Aunt's car. Did HG have her son then? Or was she with father of son? Was she visiting from Italy then or were there some more countries involved between Ghana and Italy. I think the possibility is high don't you OP? Please do tell.

Both mother and child are with FF. He is not sleeping on any street. She would book a hotel if they had nowhere to stay like she did the 4 days before they came to me. She just does not want to spend her own money, that is the problem. After calling FF I won't be calling anyone else.

HG was born and raised in Ghana, but had already moved to Italy and was visiting for a long period. Mediator has Ghanaian parentage but had never been so was visiting for the first time. I was meeting mediator, but got a different earlier flight so was staying at HG boyfriends family house waiting for mediator. The car belonged to HG boyfriend ( who is my close male friends brother) I don't remember seeing the son that trip although he could have been there. She was with her boyfriend. Not sure what the situation was with the husband at that point.

I thought I followed all of this but when op said she met hg in Ghana im now confused, didn't she say way back before easter hg shared her bed with op in Sweden (ok I accept that now means it was Switzerland....or Italy? ) maybe I haven't followed it. never mind, I wasn't agreeing with the ss referral hysteria but actually pp may have a fair point, nobody at home (wherever that is) is expecting the boy back so he could easily drop off everyone's radar and disappear , if op has indicated her intentions are to leave him in a boarding school in Ghana when he is entitled to education in Germany. .. or Switzerland. ..or Italy.. she obviously doesn't care too much about him. I hope the hospital will have referred him, they certainly should have, but if she's fed them a load of bs then what's the harm in making the call yourself op? she won't know its you, she thinks you don't give a toss about her. she'll think its the hospital.

Including a few nights in a hotel, how many addresses has the child lived in over the course of the last two weeks, remind me? Who are those people? Who are their partners and family members who might have access to the child?

To those who scorn the idea that SS should be called, if this child was a relative of yours, would you be concerned?

Social services are able and qualified to evaluate the mother (who has apparently no fixed abode) and her capacity to care adequately for the child, who is apparently not in school and living out of a suitcase, who has in the last few weeks alone found himself thrown on the mercy of the NHS and various passing acquaintances of the mother.

It is simply not that hard to put what you know of the situation in the hands of SS (i.e. that he is not on holiday and that his next destination may well be Canada, where he will be an illegal alien living with God knows who and under what conditions, that he hasn't been in school since he allegedly left Switzerland a few weeks ago, and that he is effectively homeless and forced to live with people who are strangers to him in the UK) and let them do their thing and look into it.

I think the concern about her real identity is well founded. She would be loathe to report any harm to her child if she has dodgy papers.

It is not the call of bystanders to decide whether the mother is unfit or neglectful, but it most definitely is in the remit of adults who have willy nilly become involved in this family's life to appreciate the hazards of bringing a child into situations where he might be vulnerable, and it behoves Lilylonglegs to make that call.

All this badgering to call social services. You all have the same details I do so YOU call and see what they say.

I don't know her mother. I don't think they are close because I never heard her call once and she comes from a polygamous family, and such families are often fractured and disharmonious. I know she must have had a rough time growing up hence why she is always in survival mode.

It may seem like she is all bad but she does have her good side. She always goes to orphanages when she visits ghana and buys a lot of food/clothes for the kids and spends the day with them. I know because she took me on one of her visits. She seems very passionate about kids until she makes some stupid suggestion about dumping her son, but then even then she sees this as a loving act and a sacrifice to earn money to give him a better life. It's hard for me to understand because I haven't lived her life, but that is how she explains it. She did also say leaving your child in the care of friends and family even for years is very common.

It is exactly because we all have the same details that you have that makes your refusal to call SS so completely inexplicable.

lol @ orphanages...

She has no intention taking the boy to Canada. Her skype boyfriend lives with his mum! She would put him in boarding school in Ghana. You see it as her not caring, she sees it as good education, good discipline.

You only have her word for it that the child would be sent to a 'boarding school' in Ghana.

He has a father in Italy.

What say does he get in where his son is dumped?

Math anxiety. I won't call because I think she and her friend FF are complete nutters and I don't want to start drama with them because some people on mumsnet are trying to push me into it. My baby girl takes priority and I won't do anything that will have nutters banging down my door and harassing me. If that makes me cruel, then so be it. The boy has been living this life way before he spent 5 nights with me.

All this badgering to call social services. You all have the same details I do so YOU call and see what they say.

You mean EXCEPT her NAME, current location, and ALL identifying details?
Come the fuck off it.

If I knew her details I would call. You do. Oh he social services there's a post on mumsnet NO.

Oh hi social services here are the first hand details. Different matter altogether. Don't call. It's not on my conscience.