AIBU to think that if an adult breaks something they replace it?

[worridmum]

Sorry its long one with a tiny bit of a rant

AIBU to think that my "D"sis should replace my DH computer that she broke when warned not to do something. My sister thinks I am and says she will replace with vastly cheaper item that is not a a suitable replacement or we should suck up the £500 excuss on our home insurence and she thinks I am being tight in insisting she replaces like for like. since if we claim it will push our premiums up so in effect paying double for her grave laspe in judgement.

basically the story is we have just finished renivating our new house so decided to host a family get together to celibrate the hard work we had put in and to finally have resolution for a problem from work (in my prevous thread)

And so we hold the get together have some well desvered wine (children at camp et) and basically hold a mini tour of our house with the expection of my DH study as this is his primairly work space so has important documents and his custom built computer (needed partly for his job as a software engineer and partly his hobbies which had cost just under £3000) and everyone was told this room was offlimits. (its up a flight of stairs that leads onto its own floor and so doesnt have a door)

So my sister takes expection to not being shown this room goes up by herself with a large glass of wine about an hour after we had shown everyone around and somehow procceds to fall and not only manages to smash one of the monitors by landing on it she also manages to spill her wine down the back of the mainframe of the computer (which was turned on due to complining some software) which causes the computer to short circuit and basically ruined the entire computer (which was only bought a month ago)

Before I start the ranting section Dsis was completely fine

And so my DH and a couple of other people run upstairs to see what happened where then my sister says shes "darn goofed" and shes had a little accident and tries to down play everything as after we made sure she was fine DH was frantically trying to damage control the sistatuion etc

Which too my Dsis is very very funny and proceeds to laugh and joke about the entrie sistuation which just wond up DH even more and said quite loudly DH should take a chill pill as its only a computer. Which understandable was not taken well by DH whole sadly got really angry and shouted at my sister and ranted about how is it funny that a months long project has possibly gone up in smoke (computer was actully smoking at this point as he could not turn off internal power source in time) and that is has cost us alot of money and read her the riot act and asked her to leave the house.

(I am not excusing my DH but he was not abusive to her per say as in was not swearing / abusing her was just shouting, this is totally out of charater for him hes normally so calm and passive but he most likely shouldnt of reacted like that)

We leave it a couple of days to see just how much was damaged etc (thankfully back ups werent effected so only lost the compling time so project wasnt effect) but the computer, monitor and mainframe were total right offs.

And my sister contacts me to see how everything is and to apoligize to me about what happend and asked is there anything she can do to sort out the mess she made, which i replied she could replace what she damaged and apoligize to my DH. So she said fine I will replace the computer but I will not apoligize to DH as he was totally out of order etc and I comment that she still should apoligize as she was out of order etc and she hangs up.

So my DH sends a invoce for the computer parts (he can get the computer parts direct from manifactur etc so cheapest possible price ) which was £2600 which understandalbe is a quite a large number replys that she will buy a computer from PC world as she has seen one for £300 and that we should be greatful to even get that and I reply thats not a suitable replacement etc

(she has the money to replace it as she is in a well paid job and last week told me /boosted she had saved up £24,000 for her next years around the world holiday).

Sorry its really long but I thought I needed to include everything so not to accidently dripfeed later on

So AIBU for insisting she replaces the item she destoryed or I am being tight in expecting us not to be even further out of pocket for her totally avoidable mistake.

Ps sorry for spelling and grammer posting on a tablet (because the computer is out of action at the moment) without spell checker and I am dyslexic.

[Jackie0]

What on earth are you typing on? Your posts are littered with typos.
Yanbu obviously.

[Bogeyface]

jackie the OP said that she is dyslexic, clearly she can still spell better than you can read.

[clam]

JackieO The OP has already explained that she's on an ipad (and they are prone to over-zealous auto-correcting) and is dyslexic.

[Jackie0]

Apologies, I just skimmed through

[Perfectlypurple]

It was in the op, so not easy to miss.

[Strokethefurrywall]

What a vicious cunt.

Small claims. Forward that to your family and let them make up their minds about her. I know so many people will say, not to reward that behaviour by giving it air, but quite frankly the reason bullies and twats like this rarely get their comeuppance, is because people are too kind to rock the boat. And so they think they've won because they don't get pulled up on their behaviour. If I had done this to my sister, both my parents would be on the phone yelling at me and telling me just how ashamed they are of my behaviour!

Pretty sure if your mum sees this, she'll be cut out of the will though. No less than she deserves. Cow.

But I am sorry for you OP, I would be heartbroken if my sister did this to me and I couldn't imagine having to confront someone I loved over what looks to be a deliberate spiteful attack on your livelihood, all because she didn't get what you have.

[Box5883284322679964228]

I probably would go NC till she pays and apologises about the email

She is using you as a scapegoat. She's deeply unhappy
all the bad things that have happened to her over the years and you are getting the brunt of her pain and upset. She should be happy for you, that you have your own home, good jobs, children, are married happily BUT instead all these things highlight her own personal struggles.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

For an accident I'd say no. Anyone of us can break something by accident can't we,
But in this case it was carless behaviour, so yes I guess she should pay. But I'm guessing she wAs being carless rather than callous.
Not sure really I'm kind of torn. Granted if wasn't doing what she'd. End asked not to it wouldn't have happened but people don't do these things deliberately.
May I ask did she have a drink by it. I did that once and tbd laptop was destroyed.

[pippitysqueakity]

Ah, see she's drunk again OP. Think this might be the problem.
Shed load of money, but you'll maybe get rid of her?
Rotten for you and DH.

[HairyMcMary]

Oh dear.

How very horrible.

She sounds drunk, yes, but also so deep in her bitterness and jealousy that she is deranged.

her outburst is not abut you, OP, it is about her and her desperate unhappiness.

You do have a DH, 4 kids, a new house a new start after your employment troubles - you are the happy one, with no more than a busted computer to cloud your horizon.

I would step right back from this drama and send her a very cool factual e mail saying 'I am sorry you feel like this, and that you are so unhappy. But this is about bad luck you have had in your life, not about me.
For now, we need to stick to the facts. As I said, we do need the computer replaced for DH's work. I'll claim on the insurance and perhaps you can let me know how you want to send me the excess? Thanks, worrid'

[worridmum]

I just dont know what to think I thought I was a good sister I supported her through her feltity treatment and her husband leaving I didnt get married just to spite her as she was not in a releasntionship at the time

But I dont know why she is so jealous of my life (other then not being able to have children with my heart goes out to her) she has a much better job then me a bigger house and she goes on 5 + holidays abroad a year and next year shes going for a 3 month holiday around the world , her house is alot bigger then mine in a much more desrable area (think windsor area)

I am currently unemployed until june (since i had to take prevous one to tribunal)

I just dont know what to think anymore I thought we were really close but I did not have any idea she felt like that about me (I made sure not to ram my pregenrcy/ children in her face )

I am really upset at the minute and I dont think i can inflict this upon our mother so soon after losing father I just dont know what to do anymore.

My DH is beyond furious right now he thinks we should go total none contact and hes saying that she is a two face cow and if she was a man he would be so close to punching her (and he is sooooo not violent and totally out of charater)

I just dont know what to do anymore and I dont know what I did for this to end up this and for her to obviously hating me so much I am glad my children are not here because I cannot stop crying at the moment

[base9]

I would not email her back. Forward that email to everyone who was there. go nc with sister. Accept the money from your DM if you truly cannot afford to claim on insurance. Be aware that your DM may view her payment as a way to smoothe the waters between you and sister, which clearly is not going to happen, so careful about taking her money.

[worridmum]

sorry loads of people wrote when I was typing that I think i am going to leave it a day or so to calm down

[Strokethefurrywall]

I would take a day or so to calm down. And then I would get angry.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Fuck me, WHAT a bitch.

Definitely deliberate act of sabotage then, so fuck her - she's not going to pay up at all, not anything. I'd actually forward her email to your mother and anyone else who was there at the family do - let them see what kind of utter bitch she truly is.

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

Yes, take the time to stop sobbing about it and then realise that she is a prize selfish, manipulative bitch. Honestly she is.

Other people have similar problems in their lives - they don't take it out on their nearest and dearest, they don't manufacture slights and destroy valuable work equipment, they handle it as adults. Your sister might be in a bad place but it's time she grew the fuck up and stopped behaving like a frustrated toddler.

[KatieKaye]

She's a bitch.
You are not going to win with her. Somehow she will twist things around in her mind so that she is the victim. It is hard to hear but you may be better off without her in your life.
Deliberate sabotage is awful, especially when this concerns your DHs career.
I would show the email to your DM and then go NC with your sister. This will probably frustrate her totally as she will be expect some huge drama. Block her emails, block her from your phone so she can't hassle you.

[flyingspaghettimonster]

Do you have receipts etc of what this brand new computer and monitor cost? Because I can't get y head around you trying to screw your sister over for the full amount, if the insurance will cover it for just the excess and a possible hike in premium next year... It sounds more like you knew she had a lot of cash right now and saw an opportunity to profit a bit from her mistake by bumping up the value of the computer she broke. If you have receipts etc just go the insurance route otherwise you look suspicious. She can pay for that.

[SoupDragon]

Have you read what the sister said...?

[KatieKaye]

Wishing MN had a "WTF" emoticon. And that people would RTFT.

[StrangeLookingParasite]

There seem to be quite a few people who don't have any idea of the difference bewteen a normal, domestic machine, and the super high-spec'd machines used for rendering.

Yes, she should pay, yes, she should have the consequences of her actions, and no, she is not trying to 'screw the sister over' FFS. Jeez Louise.

[Box5883284322679964228]

Flying, it's not a normal cheap home computer her DH uses, it's a high performance professional one used for work and will be far more expensive.

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

Op, I'm so sorry this has happened. It sounds like your sister has some issues. I would agree that you should share her email with family and reply in a cool calm way along the lines of I am sorry you feel this way, however, you are an adult and you damaged an expensive piece of work equipment. Whether by accident or malicious intent, you now need to pay x and I not I will have to take you to court.

However, it does sound like you need to claim insurance. BUT check your policy carefully first as everyone is assuming you are covered. Accidental cover is usually optional, and you also have to specifically add high value items and pay extra to cover them. Given your difficulty in getting cover and huge excess to keep the costs down, I would be surprised if you had taken both of these optional covers. Be very careful about telling the insurer without checking they actually cover it!

[bedraggledmumoftwo]

If you find you aren't covered you should take your mum up on the offer out of financial necessity.

[Scrounger]

She may not have damaged it on purpose. I just think that she is pulling out all the stops now to deflect it back on you,you did this, you did that, when it has nothing to do with her actions. She is just flinging all the shit she can to hurt you and avoid what she did. I'm sorry it must be such a shock for her to be saying these things she is probably working herself into a self righteous state and blaming you for everything. "It's not my fault...."

Take your time and don't act hastily. I think unless you pursue it through the courts you won't get any cash. Personally I would do it but claim on insurance (although bedraggled makes a great point so check it out first). I would retreat from this person and have nothing /as little to do with them as possible. She will think that she has won but she hasn't and one day she will wonder where everyone has gone. Your relationship with your sister has changed for ever so you need to tell your mum at some point. Keep the emails, if she does bad mouth you to others show them the emails. I should imagine your family knows what you are both like though and will not believe it.