AIBU to think that if an adult breaks something they replace it?

[worridmum]

Sorry its long one with a tiny bit of a rant

AIBU to think that my "D"sis should replace my DH computer that she broke when warned not to do something. My sister thinks I am and says she will replace with vastly cheaper item that is not a a suitable replacement or we should suck up the £500 excuss on our home insurence and she thinks I am being tight in insisting she replaces like for like. since if we claim it will push our premiums up so in effect paying double for her grave laspe in judgement.

basically the story is we have just finished renivating our new house so decided to host a family get together to celibrate the hard work we had put in and to finally have resolution for a problem from work (in my prevous thread)

And so we hold the get together have some well desvered wine (children at camp et) and basically hold a mini tour of our house with the expection of my DH study as this is his primairly work space so has important documents and his custom built computer (needed partly for his job as a software engineer and partly his hobbies which had cost just under £3000) and everyone was told this room was offlimits. (its up a flight of stairs that leads onto its own floor and so doesnt have a door)

So my sister takes expection to not being shown this room goes up by herself with a large glass of wine about an hour after we had shown everyone around and somehow procceds to fall and not only manages to smash one of the monitors by landing on it she also manages to spill her wine down the back of the mainframe of the computer (which was turned on due to complining some software) which causes the computer to short circuit and basically ruined the entire computer (which was only bought a month ago)

Before I start the ranting section Dsis was completely fine

And so my DH and a couple of other people run upstairs to see what happened where then my sister says shes "darn goofed" and shes had a little accident and tries to down play everything as after we made sure she was fine DH was frantically trying to damage control the sistatuion etc

Which too my Dsis is very very funny and proceeds to laugh and joke about the entrie sistuation which just wond up DH even more and said quite loudly DH should take a chill pill as its only a computer. Which understandable was not taken well by DH whole sadly got really angry and shouted at my sister and ranted about how is it funny that a months long project has possibly gone up in smoke (computer was actully smoking at this point as he could not turn off internal power source in time) and that is has cost us alot of money and read her the riot act and asked her to leave the house.

(I am not excusing my DH but he was not abusive to her per say as in was not swearing / abusing her was just shouting, this is totally out of charater for him hes normally so calm and passive but he most likely shouldnt of reacted like that)

We leave it a couple of days to see just how much was damaged etc (thankfully back ups werent effected so only lost the compling time so project wasnt effect) but the computer, monitor and mainframe were total right offs.

And my sister contacts me to see how everything is and to apoligize to me about what happend and asked is there anything she can do to sort out the mess she made, which i replied she could replace what she damaged and apoligize to my DH. So she said fine I will replace the computer but I will not apoligize to DH as he was totally out of order etc and I comment that she still should apoligize as she was out of order etc and she hangs up.

So my DH sends a invoce for the computer parts (he can get the computer parts direct from manifactur etc so cheapest possible price ) which was £2600 which understandalbe is a quite a large number replys that she will buy a computer from PC world as she has seen one for £300 and that we should be greatful to even get that and I reply thats not a suitable replacement etc

(she has the money to replace it as she is in a well paid job and last week told me /boosted she had saved up £24,000 for her next years around the world holiday).

Sorry its really long but I thought I needed to include everything so not to accidently dripfeed later on

So AIBU for insisting she replaces the item she destoryed or I am being tight in expecting us not to be even further out of pocket for her totally avoidable mistake.

Ps sorry for spelling and grammer posting on a tablet (because the computer is out of action at the moment) without spell checker and I am dyslexic.

Having read the thread, Worrid, you do not sound cold hearted at all.
Your sister has to be made to face the consequences of her actions. She is an adult.
She could have seriously injured your husband. Definitely support him in pressing charges.

I hope your Mum can soon see that your sister has gone far too far this time. This is not something you can just forgive and make-up from.

I hope you will be ok.

Carry on supporting your dh!

When a sibling becomes actively dangerous it can be really tough, your first duty is to your nuclear family though...what if she goes for one of your children next?

I agree with Bitter.

Your sister has had every opportunity to sort the issues out - however at every opportunity, rather than make amends, she has upped the anti and escalated the situation further.

She is projecting all her problems into your DH and yourself and continues to do so - even when other family members stand by you both.

So yes - be wary.

worrid - have PM'd you x

That's an update and a half

I hope you and your dh are ok worrid, what a horrible thing to happen. Your sister sound as though she is having a breakdown and I hope she manages to get help.

I don't think I would press charges myself. But I realise I didn't see the violence happen or the injuries caused.

Your dh is well within his rights to resort to the law, and as everyone has been pointing out people who don't face the consequences of their actions can end up very damaged.

You should point out to your mother that she IS 'taking sides' by asking you and DH to drop charges. If she truly wants to be 'neutral' she shouldn't say anything nor should she offer 'advice' to either 'side'.

Of course your sister should face the consequences of her actions! And I'm glad the rest of the family is rescinding invitations! Too often people 'validate' their own actions by pointing out inaction by others as acceptance of their behaviour.

Wow, I cannot believe your update. OP, you DH absolutely must press charges AND you need to get a barring order against her. There is no comeback from throwing a glass bottle in his face - that is the nail in the coffin, no second chances. She could have made your DH lose an eye, your DH would've been permanently disabled for the rest of his life. Your sister should also be not allowed ANYWHERE near children - she deserves to lose her job, she's a bloody psycho.

Please press charges. If this was a stranger who attacked your DH, you wouldn't think twice about pressing charges. Just because she's your sister, doesn't mean she has the entitlement to go around trying to permanently blind him by throwing a glass bottle in his face.

Your sister sounds unhinged. And your poor DB and his new wife. What on earth have they said? And her family? I don't think I could forgive her for ruining my wedding.

This isn't america, the CPS decide to prosecute here, not the victim. Tell your mother that.

Sorry for how this is unfolding, OP. Shocking.

Wibblypig as you can imagine my Sil is devestated at the turn of events but thankfully her and her family do not blame me and my DH for her as they witnessed the whole event sadly.

Thankfully my DH did not react / swear back etc so the only person to look unhindged / bad was my sister.

And sadly thinking things through I think she possibly wanted my husband to argue back with her to make us also look bad in front of everyone but possible when that didnt work resorted to violence

If that is the case what ever happened to my older sister that i used to look up when growing up to possibly be so cold and caculating as possibly to attempt that sort of thing

Frankly your sister sounds like the worst kind of abusive maniac, has committed crimes against your husband's property and person and I think you should treat her to the same response it would elicit from you if your husband had been the one who left her thousands of pounds out of pocket and had glassed her in the face.

He is absolutely within his rights, possibly duty-bound to press charges - it is time she faced the consequences of her despicable contempt for the person and property of another human being, and I think you should back DH to the hilt.

She will probably just get a slap on the wrist, but a criminal record would be a start. People who behave like this and get away with it into adulthood, get a nasty shock when they take it outside the family that covers for them - that's the way of the world. Other people don't have to stand for their shit.

Who knows, it may be enough to shock her into behaving decently in future.

All of it does sounds like from some soap. This woman clearly has some issues and I think you're lucky you got rid of her. Definitely press charges.

I can't sleep and have just read the entire thread at one sitting. It sounds to me as if sister has some kind of mental health problem and is in need of professional intervention. It may well be that by pressing charges your dh is doing her a favour because those issues maybe assessed as part of the legal proceedings and she may be ordered to access support as a condition of her sentence.

What a horrible situation for you I hope it improves

This is what insurance is for - she was stupid and needs to make sure you aren't out of pocket as a result but she can do that by paying the excess

What an update OP. Horrendous. Do stick to your guns and support DH pressing charges. Your sister is self-centred and mean and now has turned violent. She probably needs help and through a conviction might get that help. She has brought all this on herself, do not feel responsible in any way.

Have you looked into her claiming on her own insurance?

OMG I have just read this whole thread, you MUST absolutely press charges, she is dangerous!
I would also be taking out a legal order against her, preventing her coming anywhere near any of your family.

Your mother is in serious denial if she thinks you have anything to apologise for!!

Genuinely, at what point does a mother realise that she can't just keep blindly condoning behaviour like this and not tell the sis to pack this shit in and respect her family, behave, apologise and move on?

I don't get this blind support of such hideous behaviour.

Go all the way with this op, and remind your mother she has more than one child.

I wish there was some way to stop people posting without proving they'd read the whole thread.... however....

OP, your DH has behaved SPOT ON throughout this incident. He was not out of order in his reaction to the initial incident, he was quite right to send the email round the family so they could see the truth when your Sis tried to drive the wedge in and he is quite right now to press charges.

Sadly, I don't think the same can be said of your mum. While it must be upsetting for her, she should be all too aware that her 'peacemaking' attitude has probably enabled your Sis to behave like this in the past and not face consequences of her actions. She is now seeking to minimise the violence as if it is perfectly OK. Sorry, but it is now time for your Sis to wake up and smell the coffee and a shock of potential arrest and criminal record may be the first step. I can understand your mum not wanting to take sides and remain neutral but your Sis behaviour has more than crossed a line. Your mum should be doing all she can to help your Sis get help but other than that, should be supporting you. Your siblings and in-laws sound bloody good people.

As do you.

Oh, dear. That's not a good update. I don't think there is much you can do to repair things with your sister. It's a shame but it's not your fault so please don't feel bad about it.

Well done on your DH pressing charges.

I cannot believe that your mother is still defending your sister and is trying to get your DH to drop the charges.

You are both doing the right thing, sadly your mum isn't and she needs to wake up and smell the coffee. What have your other siblings said to your mum?

Oh dear. Although claiming not to want to take sides, it looks as though your mother has.

So if your sister had been "bottled" by a family member, I assume that your mum wouldn't want that reporting either??