To think that many train users are completely oblivious or maybe they just hate kids

[Breadwidow]

I live in central london with 2 DCs (3 & 7 months). We don't have a car so use public transport a lot. It's hard work with 2 obviously but increasingly I've found that there's an additional aspect that makes train journeys out of london even harder than they might be already: the behaviour of other passengers. This rarely happens on London transport but on trains I now often find that people are totally caught up in their own world that they do things which really hinders our journey with two kids - in fact sometes it's as if they hate the kids. Examples of such behaviour are:
Running to board trains / lifts cutting ahead of me / OH with the buggy and def not offering to help - especially bad in terms of lifts where the adults cutting ahead are usually carrying a small bag and could take the stairs!
Running along platform, nudging buggy out of the way, towards train tracks
Being pissed off (sometimes very vocal with it) when we ask people to move suitcases / bags to allow room for buggy or to allow DS to sit down (on a recent journey DH slightly moved a suitcase to allow room for buggy containing sleeping DS only to have the suitcase pushed back with force against the buggy - he pointed out to the passenger who pushed the case that they should be careful as DS was asleep in buggy and was told to 'not make a scene' by the middle aged woman who had pushed the suitcase into the buggy - hilariously it turns out she wasn't the owner of the suitcase!)
Making a lot of glances / tuts at DS (3) who is generally pretty well behaved on the train but is quite chatty
Maybe I'm just a bit paranoid but now every train journey seems to have 2+ examples of unhelpful or sometimes rude behaviour. The main perpetrators are middle aged women who you'd have thought would have once had small children themselves and maybe be more sympathetic!

YABU. I live in London, have children, and am a middle-aged woman - this thread has got me quite confused

I actually find it fine travelling on trains with kids - in London and out of London. Most people are busy doing their own thing, some are friendly, some might be not very nice people but they could be anywhere.

I have never been tutted at. And I never tut at other people's kids despite being middle-aged.

Guess maybe I'm unreasonable!

Anyway, again wanted to clarify london is not the problem!! It's busy and people are in their own zone in the fast paced city but despite that the biggest issues I've had on public transport have all been on trains heading out of london, usually some distance from the city.

I should add some people are fab. On return journey home from suitcasegate journey was incredibly crowded and both kids started kicking off. I felt awful for the people we were sat by and apologised and they were so nice and also helped keep DS amused a lot of the way.

I'd much prefer to have someone with a buggy who was aware of their surroundings and knew where they were going in front of me than the average dawdling tourist who without fail stops abruptly at the top of the escalator to work out where they need to go next...

I'm quite happy to help with a pushchair/wheelchair unless it will make me miss my train, but if i've booked a seat I wouldn't give it up, I work on my feet doing a lot of heavy lifting, a seat on the train is a godsend, so if i'm working in London, I book one. I suppose if you met me at the gate/stairs and needed help you'd think I was helpful, but if the only seat left was next to me and i wanted to stay where i had booked, you'd think I was unhelpful.

Also, there are a lot of people out there who do dawdle with buggy's, turn them round without looking first and smack you in the shins, have children who scream and shout at the end of the day when you just want a bit of peace, kick the back of chairs etc, that their view of you was probably already skewed to the negative so no matter how helpful/thoughtful you were, their judgement was already clouded. Doesn't make it right, but is what it is.

Put your baby in a sling, saves almost all the problems you've mentioned. So much easier than faffing with a buggy.

Would love to pink but I have 2 small ones - so bub in sling and a buggy for older one. We sonetmes go without buggy for DS but only if not much walking involved

Hmmm yep slinging them both is a bit extreme!

i catch trains in the midlands and i find it a nightmare too my one son is two and in a buggy my other is 6 now i can get the 2 year old on the train then i have to go back and get the six year old on the train as he is too small! i worry they will shut the doors before he has time to get on

for the poster who said you need to not take the pushchair at all seriously you dont want me to do that my two year old is a bit like a small highly powered out of control nuclear weapon which can explode at any time

i hang out in the doorway

YABU - it's not for you to judge if people are able to take the stairs. Maybe they've had a long day and can't be bothered, maybe they have a disability or maybe they're just plain lazy but they've got as much right as anyone else to take the lift.

YABU catch a taxi or buy a car...

Whilst you have my sympathy, the number of times I have been hit on the ankles or barged by buggies that are essentially being used as weapons to create space does stretch my tolerance somewhat. As with some pps above, having a buggy and young children does not give you priority over anyone else.

Having said that I think you would find most people, myself included, happy to help with stairs etc however certain times of day are best avoided!

Sexy - that's what I feel the people who tut at my kids think and it's frankly a ridiculous remark. I live in a car free development and also chose not to drive as its bad for the environment and impractical in London. Taxis are expensive and I am not rich. I know travelling by public transport is challenging and involves jostling with people in a hurry - I could just do without the barging and rudeness.

YABU. You're not special because you've got children. Maybe the Londoners want to get home to see theirs?

Buggies on the tube I detest leaving a trail of half eaten biscuits. You can walk to most places and buses don't have steps. Especially if you're not needing to get from one meeting to the next on a timeline.

Having children (contrary to popular belief) isn't like some sort of Golden ticket.

Badly punctuated sorry. Buggies, nightmare. Fold the fucking things down and don't leave food and crumbs everywhere. It's disgusting and takes up far too much space, particularly when the child is usually standing on a seat gobbing off.

And why, why go to victoria with a buggy ever during rush hour?

Oh dear this has started a nice diatribe against kids hasn't it?

I don't take the buggy on the tube and have no trouble with buses. The issue is NOT LONDON but TRAIN JOURNEYS outside of the capital.

Anyway, I don't see the kids as a golden ticket for people being nice to me, I'd just like people to not be quite so rude.

I think YABU!

I've travelled on trains with DC but am always careful not to get in people's way, slow them down, or expect people to move seats or luggage to make way for us. I use a fold-up buggy not a big pushchair that's hard to manoeuvre. I also try not to let DC pester people, kick seats or be noisy. Kids on trains can be a nightmare for other passengers and you're right many people are not tolerant at all. I feel really sorry for people when my kids get loud and fractious!

The behaviours you list are not U: 'Running to board trains / lifts cutting ahead of me / OH with the buggy and def not offering to help'

People are in a hurry, have trains to catch, meetings to get to etc. they don't want to be hindered by people pushing buggies and blocking entrances to lifts, so they cut in and go round you. Most don't have time to offer help.

If you moved my suitcase to make room for your buggy, I would not be impressed. If your 3-year-old kept talking to me when I was trying to work or relax, I would be polite but feel very irritated. If you asked me to stand so your child could sit down, I would say no! Your DC do not come before other passengers. I would always help someone get buggy on/off but I might feel frustrated if you block the aisle or exit with it or delay everyone boarding.

I suggest you travel at quieter times of day and book seats in advance so you know you can fit buggy in.

This thread is now more annoying than the travelling - stupid me for starting it

Moving a suitcase that was in the area for wheel chairs / buggies by one inch not ok? Come on!

My DS doesn't chat to other passangers usually, mainly to me and his dad.

I make every effort possible not to get in the way, move the buggy out if the way, not slow people down etc. what's annoying us that I'm usually slowed down by the barging and rudeness!

A different point of view if I may. My Saturday's are very precious to me and I do like to go to Westfields and take the paper and have a light lunch and a glass of wine.

Time and time again My lunch has been ruined by children being allowed to run around restaurants and generally make a nuisance for others. A few weeks ago a couple sat down next to me and realised that I had a empty seat opposite me. The chap tried to move the chair and put his scummy buggy covered in dried food opposite me and said 'you don't mind do you'?

Well actually I do mind. I said I was waiting for someone. The little girl clearly wanted to have a good old talk with me asking what
I ws eating and why I was on my own!

The parents just looked on indulgently.

I don't. I commute and ds is frequently on trains. I've never experienced anything other than over helpful fellow paasengers. I'm sure they hate me with my loud parenting though.

Oh dear this has started a nice diatribe against kids hasn't it?

It's not the children, as long as they are well behaved, it;s the blooming buggies and the entitled parents.

It takes up space. There is not space on your usual rush hour service.

And what's with the expectation to be offered help with it? I usually don't have time, so I never offer, but I see people do and often.

Stop moaning. It's not my fault you have children and need to use public transport.

Do you use a family & friends railcard OP? Reserve seats for all 4 of you where possible makes things easier.

I walk with crutches. I've lost count of the times I've almost been knocked over by a buggy as a parent will rush past to get to the lift or disabled toilet first, then give me a nice smug smile as the door shuts just as I get there!

Tbf I HATE people helping with the buggy. Where possible I have the sling but if not I can manage buggy easier on my own and when people help I'm too polite to refuse but actually it's easier and quicker if I just do it on my own!

And yes having a disabled father I try to avoid the disabled area as it's not necessary with a pram

We went to London when DD was 4.5. We'd been out of London to an attraction and our train was massively delayed from an incident so we ended up on rush hour. It was appalling.

People barged onto the train, completely separating me from DD. She was crying - as you would because she was frightened - and nobody would move to allow me to retrieve her. Miserable fuckers.

In the end two lovely young Spanish chaps shouted to me and asked "would I allow them to pick her up" - I agreed and they sat DD on their knees and entertained her and looked after her for the entire journey. I will always be grateful.

YANBU but a lot of people are very self obsessed.

Hillingdon, why does your special little treat for yourself trump a parent's need to relax or even a child's need to exist in this world and be respected as a fellow human being. It's a rehetorical question- it doesn't!

I used to commute to Victoria every. Day and can't remember ever feeling I was a particularly important person for doing so!