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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you take champagne to a family dinner

179 replies

namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 18:38

It should be opened?

Just that really. Took a bottle of naice champers to family dinner at Dsis house. Umm and ahhed about it as was thinking of saving it for our wedding anniversay.

Champagne was put in fridge and did not re-appear despite suggesting we open it and have a toast.

AIBU to think it should have been opened, especially as it was presented with "I brought some fizz so we could toast Easter together" and there was no grey area around it being a gift?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 06/04/2015 10:01

And there were people driving, but even they could have had a small glass of bubbly, given there was a huge lunch and 4 hours to go before they had to get in the car and drive. (Assuming they opened it when everyone had arrived as I had intended)

OP posts:
Siarie · 06/04/2015 10:02

If the OP took a bottle of champagne worth 100 to a family gathering she's a terrible show off. Hopefully the hosts had better manners and took it to be a gift to drink at another time.

Biscuit, seriously? There's nothing wrong with good quality products and enjoying them with family and friends.

FeijoaSundae · 06/04/2015 10:04

I'd have kept it for another time when everyone could have had a glass not just the person who brought it and the people who didn't have to drive afterwards.

Why wouldn't you give it back, if you weren't going to drink it? This is a bottle of vintage DP, and it was made quite clear it wasn't a gift; it was for sharing!

FeijoaSundae · 06/04/2015 10:09

I'm even more amazed that the sister knew why you were given the bottle, and that she also blatantly knew that it was a special bottle of fizz, and she still kept it back, refusing to open it...!!?? shock]

Who does that?!

Box5883284322679964228 · 06/04/2015 10:14

You should have opened it yourself.

Box5883284322679964228 · 06/04/2015 10:15

Text her and say 'can you keep my special bottle of champagne safe as I'll open it another time'

cantpaythefees · 06/04/2015 10:20

As a general rule anything I bring (unless there has been an agreement beforehand about who brings what) is for the host to decide if they use it or not. If I am hosting I am not really keen on people bringing their own things to share, to me it says that my things are not up to scratch. I know that that is being a bit precious though.

Recently at a get together one member instead of bringing a dish (as was agreed) brought a bag of apples as her contribution, with a "shall I cut them now?" As we hadn't even eaten yet I said no, but then I forgot about them. I hope she doesn't think I was trying to squirrel them away!

Madmum24 · 06/04/2015 10:26

OP is it possible that her partner eyed the bottle and did not want to share it? Different people have different views on this, whether a "bring" belongs to the host or not. In my cultural background anything that is brought unexpectedly is a gift, and it is considered rude to serve it (it implies that you don't have enough goods of your own to serve) although I do appreciate that isn't the case for you OP.

FeijoaSundae · 06/04/2015 10:29

In my cultural background, you bring to share.

Squirreling stuff away (it's mine! All mine!) is weird.

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 06/04/2015 10:31

It is possible it was her DP holding it back. As I say, I don't really know him that well and he might have a different way of looking at things. It's not like DSis really. Well, it is but in her case it will be lack of thought rather than deliberate I think hope

OP posts:
Only1scoop · 06/04/2015 10:35

So is it normal for you to get invited to her Dp's house and 'pay half' towards the lunch?

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 06/04/2015 10:50

It is normal. Though it's not something I do when we are hosting - just doesn't feel right to me to ask for a contribution.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 06/04/2015 10:52

I took fizz (not D.P. but something English and smart) to Easter lunch with family yesterday also pudding.

It wasn't explicitly designated either gift or contribution, but sure enough it was opened and drunk and discussed.

YANBU, OP. Hope she brings it back next time.

Only1scoop · 06/04/2015 10:52

Well Op you'd think taking a pudding and a bottle would be enough but seeing as you actually paid half for the privilege of the invite I would probably feel a little Shock.

Oh well....you know next time.

OVienna · 06/04/2015 11:03

Nytimber was it Hathaway?!

Vycount · 06/04/2015 12:28

I love all this talk of what the "host" might do...
Op paid for half the meal, plus she provided pudding, plus she provided champagne to share. Hosting becomes a bit of a grey area in those circumstances don't we think?

I think you've lost your champers Op, but at least you've made your point.

lemonhope · 06/04/2015 14:36

Sorry I missed that - you PAID for half the meal faints again this is now uncharted territory for me. In that case I would ask for the wine back!!

grumbleina · 06/04/2015 14:56

"If the OP took a bottle of champagne worth 100 to a family gathering she's a terrible show off."

What the fuck is the morally sound thing to do with a £100+ bottle of champagne then?

Not that I'm ever likely to need to know.

CoffeeBeanie · 06/04/2015 15:10

I would have taken it back home with me. I think it was rude of your dsis not to open it for you, even if just 2 people wanted it, it was yours and you asked for some.
And rude of her to not give it back to you when you left.

justonemoretime2p · 06/04/2015 16:03

I would have considered it a gift, if I ever take a bottle I want to be opened I always take another bottle and make it clear THATS a gift for the host.

Financeprincess · 06/04/2015 16:13

She told the host that the champagne was intended to be drunk with lunch. She also asked for it to be opened whilst they were eating. No ambiguity there!

alleypalley · 06/04/2015 16:22

A fucking bottle of vintage Champagne that they didn't open despite a couple of hints, and definitely wasn't a gift!!! I'd have brought it home with me.

(I'll go back and read thread now- but seriously!!).

limitedperiodonly · 06/04/2015 16:23

You sister is a meanie OP.

I have two bottles of vintage DP - a rose 1998 one and a white 2000 one. I think both of them are on the turn.

I'll put them in the fridge. How soon can you get here?

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 06/04/2015 16:26
OP posts:
limitedperiodonly · 06/04/2015 16:47

OP, it's on ice.

The bottles were an easy present from a very rich friend of DH's who is a detestable cunt but who DH likes.

DH is too nice for his own good. I'm working on that.

The friend recently had an exploratory operation for suspected cancer and the tumour was excised but found to be benign.

I said to DH that the NHS was a marvellous institution because it not only found the only thing in him that wasn't malignant, but it cut it out.

That deserves a drink. Some people are awful.

How soon can you get here? Grin

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