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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you take champagne to a family dinner

179 replies

namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 18:38

It should be opened?

Just that really. Took a bottle of naice champers to family dinner at Dsis house. Umm and ahhed about it as was thinking of saving it for our wedding anniversay.

Champagne was put in fridge and did not re-appear despite suggesting we open it and have a toast.

AIBU to think it should have been opened, especially as it was presented with "I brought some fizz so we could toast Easter together" and there was no grey area around it being a gift?

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 05/04/2015 21:37

On reflection OP I think your error was taking a bottle that clearly meant quite a lot to you (if it was given you as a bonus for some kind of work achievement) to a relatively informal family gathering.

We have a stash of good vintage fizz and another of so-so 'party' fizz in the cellar. We'll take the latter to family dinners and save the former for 'big' birthdays and taking to friends' special events eg someone's surprise 50th birthday. She might just not have realised quite how good it was. We have numerous bottles of blah bubbles stored that people have brought on this or that occasion but would generally only make a fuss if it's the good stuff. If she can't tell the difference she might not know to do so.

Of course if you know she can tell the difference she was just being a rude champagne-hogger and needs a gentle slap Grin

Coconutty · 05/04/2015 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OVienna · 05/04/2015 21:55

Another fizz lover waiting with baited. (Wants to know what kind it was!)

WorraLiberty · 05/04/2015 21:58

Sorry if you've already answered this OP and I missed it but...

You say you're a really close family. So didn't you just get up, go to the fridge, get the champagne and open it? Confused

Metalguru · 05/04/2015 22:15

Yanbu, they were really rude.

RedSoloCup · 05/04/2015 22:18

OP this would annoy me too but nothing you can do tbh, keep the nice champers at home next time and take wine / prosecco !

UAprilFool · 05/04/2015 22:27

Y were NBU and Y were NBU to have sent the text.

Y were BU not to have just opened the bottle yourself Grin

NormHonal · 05/04/2015 22:37

YAsoooooNBU.

DH and I did this about six times [bitter and twisted emoticon] before we gave up with might have been DH's family members who invited us often for big family occasion meals.

So we took good champagne. Good stuff. Not showing off, just what we would like to drink on a special occasion (DH got it through work), family celebration, making a contribution, etc.

Every. Single. Fucking. Time. The good stuff got stashed away in the fridge and the cheap-n-cheerful fizz got brought out.

Never to be seen again. And when we reciprocated by hosting a meal, a cheap bottle of red was handed over. And we popped open multiple bottles of the good champagne, which got lapped up.

Never again. Yes, I realise it sounds snobby but we tried everything to get our bottles opened and enjoyed in the spirit we intended.

We had friends over a couple of weeks ago who handed over nice wine, so we put aside the wine we planned and tried the bottle they brought, it's what you do.

BadLad · 05/04/2015 23:00

I agree that not opening was rude, but I see that someone posted it that, in their opinion, opening it would have been rude. Of course, your not bringing a bottle would have been rude, so that's all the options covered

AliceLidlsWhiteChocolateRabbit · 05/04/2015 23:00

They had that bottle open before the door was closed behind you. It's not going to make it to the next reunion dinner.

Would it cheer you up if I told you that PILs once cut DS's birthday cake and ate it before we lit the candle or sang happy birthday to him? And that acted all surprised that we weren't exactly overjoyed about it. "Oh, was that his birthday cake? We didn't realise."

Right, so the massive candle in the shape of a big number, the six other smaller candles spelling out his name and the bloody great ribbon with "happy birthday" printed all along it didn't give you a clue? Or the fact that it had Happy Birthday iced onto it and multicoloured fondant icing balloons all over it, also with a big number iced on them?

It's kind of the opposite of what happened to you today, but at least it's another story to add to the "at least other people have crap relatives too" list.

Vycount · 05/04/2015 23:20

She hasn't replied has she Op? See, I told you they'd be half way down it as we typed... Grin

WonderingWillow · 05/04/2015 23:22

YANBU I would have opened it asap if I was the hostess. Rude and grabby behaviour!

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 23:29

Twas a DP 2004 for those who were interested :( I worked bloody hard for it (not that I knew it at the time but it was a nice accolade for somevery hard work)

Not heard back, but that's not unusual for DSis.

Hopefully it will reappear at the next family dinner. If not, I hope the enjoyed it

The Birthday cake anecdote is awful :( Your poor DH!

OP posts:
WonderingWillow · 05/04/2015 23:30

Ooohh er OP, no reply yet? Sad

The thing I hate with these situations (and people KNOW they are doing it), is that you feel it's difficult to say anything in case you're labelled as being crazy or mean spirited. You can fully expect her to put her bestest sad face on and drip to everyone 'but it was a gift and now the big meanie wants to take it back!' Bah.

I feel really bad for you OP.

MsJudgementalPants · 05/04/2015 23:36

A DP 2004? Oh god I am feeling traumatised on your behalf. Next time pop into Lidl or Aldi for a bottle of prosecco. I'm with the others, I reckon they clocked the label and hid that bottle ready for opening the second the door clicked shut behind you.

ihatelego · 05/04/2015 23:39

wow this would really piss me off!! wouldn't surprise me though with some of my family!

IsItMeOr · 06/04/2015 00:00

YANBU OP.

I am still bemused about the bottle of pink champagne I took to my DParent's house when visiting with (now) DH and his mum the first time we saw them after we got engaged.

I thought it was pretty obvious that it was intended for us all to share a celebratory toast together. I still have no idea what happened to it.

iwasyoungonce · 06/04/2015 00:14

Same thing happened to me once. Went out with friends, we all met at one of our friend's flat beforehand for drinks. We all brought our own booze. I took a bottle of Champagne for me me me to drink. As my friend opened the door, he said "Hi! Wow, THANK you!" and as I was thinking "eh?" he took the bottle out of my hand and ran off to put it in his fridge, never to be seen again.

I was gutted, and have never quite forgiven him.

AggressiveBunting · 06/04/2015 00:26

Etiquette dictates that if someone brings wine to a dinner you are hosting that is better than what you plan to serve, you should serve theirs. Otherwise thank them for theirs ( treat it as a gift) and serve yours.

Given that the OP's sister didn't provide champagne and the OP clearly wanted some, the polite thing as host would be to either open it there or insist she take it home.

You can say what you like about etiquette but it generally avoids situations like this.

FeijoaSundae · 06/04/2015 03:14

The gift thing just doesn't wash with me. If someone brings a bottle to my house, I don't think, 'that's all mine, mine, mine, and I'm not sharing'.

I open it, and share it with the people who were kind enough to bring it.

Anything else is just odd.

Manatee - she was being a champagne-hogger, regardless! The OP said it was to open and drink.

FeijoaSundae · 06/04/2015 03:19

Etiquette only works when everyone knows the rules, and they just don't. Or they interpret them differently. Or there are cultural differences. Or slightly different etiquette rules apply to slightly different situations, depending on whether it's friends, family, acquaintances, colleagues, etc, etc...

nooka · 06/04/2015 03:41

Sounds to me more that no one else was much in the mood for drinking champagne, and that there just wasn't a time where enough people wanted to do a toast. If it wasn't a gift then I would have taken it home with me and had it on another occasion.

To me champagne is a bit of a social drink, you only open it when there are enough people to drink it there and then because even with a stopper it doesn't last.

BringMeTea · 06/04/2015 06:46

YADNBU OP. This is not a gift for host situation. This is calculated selfishness. Hopefully your text will have the desired result.

SummerHouse · 06/04/2015 07:00

Gripped [emoticon on edge of seat]

YANBU

SummerHouse · 06/04/2015 07:04

.....is she keeping all her reply texts to herself now too?....

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