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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think if you take champagne to a family dinner

179 replies

namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 18:38

It should be opened?

Just that really. Took a bottle of naice champers to family dinner at Dsis house. Umm and ahhed about it as was thinking of saving it for our wedding anniversay.

Champagne was put in fridge and did not re-appear despite suggesting we open it and have a toast.

AIBU to think it should have been opened, especially as it was presented with "I brought some fizz so we could toast Easter together" and there was no grey area around it being a gift?

OP posts:
Dumbledoresgirl · 05/04/2015 19:16

As it was family, and you see them all the time, and it seems a perfectly clear situation whereby the bottle was not a gift but was taken to be drunk in celebration and it was not drunk and it would be appropriate to drink it at your wedding anniversary, I don't see what is stopping you ringing your sister up and saying 'oh that champagne didn't get opened, do you mind if I pop by and pick it up as dh and I would like to drink it for our anniversary.'

Vycount · 05/04/2015 19:17

Funnily enough, I've been told that next time I go picnic with my friend some champers will be provided. Maybe I should try to stash that away in my handbag and avoid us opening it?

reallybadidea · 05/04/2015 19:20

I'd have retrieved it from the fridge and taken it home with me. If you've already left I'd ask for it back.

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:21

Honestly, I see a huge difference between a formal dinner party or meal for someone elses birthday etc and an informal family lunch.

I wouldn't mind the host keeping the bottle in the first situation. I do in the second. They really are different (unless you don't see your family often or have a very formal relationship with them - which doesn't apply with us)

OP posts:
WhenSheWasBadSheWasHorrid · 05/04/2015 19:22

YANBU. Your sister was basically saying 'Seeing you isn't a special enough occasion to warrant opening the champagne YOU brought me, so as it's your gift to me I will save it for an occasion that means more to ME.' Which is fucking rude

Agree with this.

Fine if the champagne had been forgotten about but to have the bringer suggest opening it twice and still hide it away is so rude.

The only reason not to open it would have been if there was already plenty of champagne on offer (of similar quality naturally).

Mistlewoeandwhine · 05/04/2015 19:23

This has happened to me and DH twice quite recently. I brought a lovely bottle of cava to a friend's house and all she served up was God-awful sweet Lambrini stuff. Cava didn't make an appearance. DH took a bottle of champers to a friend's birthday party - it was put away and he was offered nothing to drink at all. In the end he got up and made himself a cup of tea. I think it is really rude of people to do this.

SpringtimeForShatner · 05/04/2015 19:23

I don't suppose your sister would have deliberately tried to hold it back, so she could guzzle it as soon as you were gone. It was probably just an oversight if it wasn't mentioned again. No need to put her on the spot and demand it back, as if you're upset about it. Perhaps just point out it was forgotten about.

MrsDiesel · 05/04/2015 19:24

If I took alcohol to my sisters it would be unlikely to last the night, tho if it did she would offer it back to me to take home.
Who takes dinner gifts to family, it was clearly to be shared.

firesidechat · 05/04/2015 19:25

Another relevant point. How many people would have wanted the champagne? One bottle doesn't go very far.

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:27

I'm not going to demand it back, but I am going to suggest she brings it to the upcoming family meal so we can all enjoy it together as initially intended. I think that's fair. It's a really special, vintage bottle, (I got it as a recognition bonus type thing)

OP posts:
Viviennemary · 05/04/2015 19:27

It was cheeky of them to do this. If you took the bottle for sharing which you did then it should have been shared. Couldn't you have gone into the kitchen and just took it away. I'd have been tempted to do that but probably wouldn't have just moaned about it for the next 20 years.

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:27

6 people. So maybe a glass each. Not loads but enough to share.

OP posts:
WhoKnowsWhereTheChocolateGoes · 05/04/2015 19:31

Maybe they thought it would be better when people aren't driving, a shame for those who couldn't have any today.

CaTsMaMmA · 05/04/2015 19:34

text her quickly, or she'll have it open and be knocking it back...

I think she has behaved terribly and would think badly of her for this.

And quell your generosity next time...and drink it before you go! :o

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:38

I've sent the text.......no reply as yet.

It won't turn into a seam of family resentment for years to come even if she does drink it. I just would have liked a bloody taste and to share it with my family Grin Even if they are dreadful, rude ingrates :)

OP posts:
PearsonSpecter · 05/04/2015 19:47

From Debretts as this made me want to know what the correct etiquette is
'If someone brings a bottle you may like to open it at some point in the evening, but have your own bottle ready and opened, in case your guests don't bring wine. If you do not open your guests' wine on the night, make sure you tell them that their wine is too exceptional for the assembled group and that you're saving it for a special occasion'. - See more at: www.debretts.com/british-etiquette/home-life/entertaining/entertaining-home/hosting-dinner-party#sthash.NvNhAjPp.dpuf

Islanegra · 05/04/2015 19:49

YANBU. My SIL did this with a lovely Lanson and then opened some warm cheap piss. Next time I go, I'm taking warm cheap piss...

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:49

Well, she didn't do that Person Grin

And I do think there is a big difference between a formal dinner and a family one. I really wouldn't have an issue in the the first instance.

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/04/2015 19:54

I'd have opened it and drunk it with you Easter Smile

Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:55

Closer - come to mine next Eater :) You don't even have to bring pudding. You just have to agree that all alcohol avaliable to us will be consumed. Deal?

OP posts:
Original poster
namechangedincase23 · 05/04/2015 19:55

*Easter - not Eater

OP posts:
TendonQueen · 05/04/2015 19:57

Glad you sent the text! It was rude of her to keep the bottle back.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/04/2015 19:57

Pearson - that's interesting: DH and I had a minor disagreement about whether it was rude to take white wine pre-chilled to a dinner. He thought it looked presumptuous ("here is the wine we will drink tonight"), I thought it looked ill prepared and presumptuous ("here is some wine, we can't drink it now so I hope you have something else lined up for us")

We took red GrinWine

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 05/04/2015 19:58

name deal!! (Though I do make good puddings, so not a problem) Grin

FeijoaSundae · 05/04/2015 20:03

YANBU, of course you're not! It wasn't a gift, it was brought to share.

What sort of person takes a bottle of vintage champagne in those circumstances, and squirrels it away, ignoring requests to open it?! Shock Confused

She has got some brass neck. I would definitely have just got the glasses, I think. The seething resentment on my part otherwise, would be too much.Grin