to expect understanding and consideration for my sn boy?

[emkana]

He has physical disabilities (mobility, vision, poor health) as well as autistic traits. He is bloody hard work but also adorable. How much consideration can I expect from a) other adults b) children?

Example: he struggles with taking turns. His older sistersunderstand and accommodate him. How much should I try and get other children to understand/expect their parents to explain to them?

Sorry this thread didn't turn into an encouraging and supportive one OP. Not surprised though. Take care. Always here if you want to talk.

I think most people on the thread are understanding.

To a degree. Those who aren't really aren't though. Depressing.

Always ends the same. I get upset by people saying my child is acting entitled or that they will appear like an spoilt brat, then I get criticised for being upset. Lovely. Fun times.

It wasn't a criticism, it was meant to be reassurance.

Off out with dD. Better explain to people about her SN everywhere we go today I guess. In case her non verbal noises and flapping don't do it.

Seriously hope all the nice people have a lovely day thanks for trying to understand.

Thanks mythical.

Sorry..am a bIt sensitive after some bad experiences on here. And in RL. Have a lovely Easter.

Wow this is thread is really sad but also very enlightening.
How sad that people don't respond to a child waving and saying hi, it would take, what five seconds of your day to reply and most probably make their day
Personally id rather a parent came and up and Said to me that their child had sn and if they could go ahead in a queue, would definitely not be a problem in my book. There needs to be more awareness of sn, and I think parents could help with that. I'd really like to be more informed on the subject, and help in any way I could.

Yes It's sad. The only people with sN who seem to be truly accepted are those who can learn to act like they don't have SN.

Thanks for trying to be understanding and learn glitter :)

Hope your having a lovely holiday and easter MassiveEggs.
Parents and children who deal with SN are heros! I don't think I could cope with what you face, id have lost the plot by now. Wishing you all best wishes and ignore the ignorant fuckers.

We are thanks glitter. Well it's a challenge and not restful but dD is having loads of fun.

That's ok, FatFromAllTheMassiveEggs, enjoy your day.

I work with kids with ASC and we do a lot of work around turn taking and associated behaviours. Strangers offering to let kids with SEN skip the queue could actually be quite unhelpful for parents in a lot of situations.
I would never offer to let someone go ahead of me because I would expect the parent to ask if their child cannot wait.
That doesn't mean I'm not understanding or am judging child's behaviour and/or parenting.

Spud...that isn't how it works. Meltdowns aren't tantrums.

The Internet has a wealth of information should you ever be inclined to educate yourself a bit.

I get it.

People think that "equal" treatment is fair. But the point is, sometimes to be fair, it shouldn't be equal. People with SN sometimes NEED unequal treatment to make situations fair/easy/accessible, whatever word you want to use.

If people can't, or more likely won't, understand that, it makes life harder than it has to be.

Some arseholes on this thread demonstrate this nicely.

Whisk So because I don't agree with you, you think it's acceptable to call me names? Shows your lack of understanding, doesn't it?

Just because someone has a different opinion I don't think it's write to label what they have written as 'bollocks' or label them as an 'arsehole' who needs to be educated. I don't believe that equal treatment results in fair treatment and understand that different people have different difficulties and needs however sometimes on these threads there seems to be an oversimplified view that everyone with SN has no control over their behaviour. SN and learning disabilities all fall within a spectrum and I don't think it's ignorant for someone to suggest that rewarding undesirable behaviour is not the best way forwards. Lots of behaviour modification programmes work on this principle. The degree to which people can tolerate for example waiting in a queue will vary greatly between individuals for all sorts of reasons.

'Strangers offering to let kids with SEN skip the queue could actually be quite unhelpful for parents in a lot of situations. '

That's your perception based on your own understanding of ASC, however each situation is different and so the parents are based placed to decide.
So ask them.

'I would never offer to let someone go ahead of me because I would expect the parent to ask if their child cannot wait.'

Gosh. Do you not understand how difficult this is for parents?

For some autistic people, queueing isn't just something they don't like, but something very stressful and in some cases distressing. Making them queue isn't treating them equally because they suffer more by doing so. Of course we all want our children to develop and tolerate more but this needs to be done incarefully controlled situations.

I think people take the concept of "treating equally" far too literally. The whole point is to help those who need to be on the same level playing field as those who don't.

Not literally only do for someone with say, autism, what you would do for someone without. Because the end result is not equal?

It's like when people make "hilarious" jokes about blue badge spaces "if they want to be treated equally they can walk across the carpark like everybody else". No.

I have come to the conclusion that my son will never be 100%accepted into society.
Unfortunately no matter how much you educate people there will be those who have obviously studied in children's behaviour and all children are just plain naughty and it's the parents who are to blame.
And I do agree that sometimes is hard to judge if a parent needs help with there child regarding queuin, or anything else.
We find it hard to take my autistic child anywhere, the noise of people is overbearing, the lights feel like daggers, he feels things 100% more then most.
And then we have people being hurtful about him under there breath (yes we can hear,and yes my son does repeat the words mentally deranged, even if he does not know the meaning)

I don't expect no one to think my son is entitled because of his disability,
Just a little bit of compassion and understanding for all now and again.

Well apparently my db is fond of spouting off about my spoilt brat of a son and how he just needs a firm hand

The question he doesn'taddress is why my dd's are model children if I'm such a loser as a mother... Just luck I guess

" 'I would never offer to let someone go ahead of me because I would expect the parent to ask if their child cannot wait.'

Gosh. Do you not understand how difficult this is for parents?"

Its no more or less difficult for the parents than it is for members of the public. Some members of the public are muppets who react badly if you ask them for a favour. Some parents of SN children are muppets who react badly if you offer help.

Generally speaking, if you want a stranger to do you a favour- and asking to go ahead in front of another paying customer is a favour- then i think the onus is on you to ask rather than on them to offer.

We are not psychic. We don't know what you want us to do in regards to your DC, and quite frankly we are often too busy with our own DC to be stood there trying to figure it out.

Just ask. Most people respond reasonably when approached in a reasonable manner.