to expect understanding and consideration for my sn boy?

[emkana]

He has physical disabilities (mobility, vision, poor health) as well as autistic traits. He is bloody hard work but also adorable. How much consideration can I expect from a) other adults b) children?

Example: he struggles with taking turns. His older sistersunderstand and accommodate him. How much should I try and get other children to understand/expect their parents to explain to them?

That is fair enough. However the entire population can't have severe social anxiety.

The man who moaned to Receptionist in front of me as Dd had been allowed in certainly had no social anxiety.

I mean, people are free agents, but it's actually noteworthy and I am thanking someone because they said hi back to a 9 year old wee girl with LDs. That makes me sad

My Dd gets all excited when children appear in vicinity and waves and says hello. They always just stare, laugh at her, or ignore her completely. A mum reached out as she walked past with her Dd last week and physically turned her daughters head away from Dd. Presumably so she didn't stare at her, but there is another reaction available.

Please teach your kids that people with SN are children just like them who want to have friends and aren't scary or different.

If one person smiles at Dd in response to that it will be worth it.

We have a relative who's son has asd. We are related through DSIL so don't see them often. But my eldest dc is fully aware of the situation and of course we accommodate him. My youngest dc finds it harder, but he is only four and we sometimes need to remind him. The Childs mum also understands that my son doesn't fully get it yet and needs reminding. As (distant) family we all accommodate each other, we are family.

In public I have to say I don't get involved. Purely because I don't know what that parent would want me to do. I owned a restaurant. One night a boy insisted on having a ribeye steak. When it came the boy didn't like the steak as it had some fat on it (as rib eye would) and an argument started between the parents. The father said it was tough and he needed to eat it or go without, the mum was disagreed. I caught the mums eye and quietly offered to get him something else free of charge. She ended up giving me a mouthful about how he had additional needs and she would sort him out and that I wasn't helping. I was actually only doing what i would for any child that wasn't happy. Since then its mad me a bit anxious about trying to help. This turned into the parents having a full on argument and storming out of the restaurant. Each child and each parent do things differently and I can admit that experience has made me think twice about whether I am actually helping, when I try to help.

But I would say 'Hi' to any child that said 'hi' to us. Regardless. I can't believe so many people don't.

Nobody does. Really. Maybe 2 people ever

FatFrom that makes me sad. I love when kids are saying Hi to people. I like making kids smile, would never occur me to ignore them. I wish people were nicer. I have been in London this week and saw a woman moan because of 'all the kids' in the lift. There were 2 kids. Who didn't say a word or move in the 10 seconds we were all in the lift. The mother looked mortified and the dad reminded her that children are people too, who have the right to get in lifts too.

I don't get people sometimes.

wow, this thread has made me sad. Really, people ignore a child saying Hi and waving? Every time? I wouldn't dream of it, even in a rush you've still got time to smile.

Took 3yo DD swimming last week, she had a new pair of goggles and as we walked in I started to take the wrapping off. A teenage boy with obvious LDs came and took them off me, wanting to take the wrapping off for us. We stood patiently and let him, when DD asked why he had them I told her he was just helping us, and she gave him a big high five as a thank you. It is part of my job as her parent to teach DD to be inclusive.

to children we're close with I would encourage DD to try and understand that not everyone knows how to take turns, but in public/queues etc I'd be unsure. As PPs have said it's hardtop judge when a parent welcomes an offer of help. If a parent asked to go first it wouldn't be a problem.

After reading through this thread, I will certainly try to be more aware. I suppose I am one of those people who ignore this kind of thing but in a well meaning way in that I don't want to highlight the SN or make it worse. Apologies, I just haven't had any real experience of SN. I would always want to help a fellow parent having a tough time and it seems strange that I would not have thought that parents with these type of experiences may need more help! I will certainly think more about how I could assist in future. Sorry for all your bad experiences

Our nephew (now an adult) has autism. We've had our "moments" with him over the years but maybe we've been lucky because we've found in general that people are sympathetic. It's always been fairly obvious that D has SNs, he has learning difficulties as well.

His parents felt it was important, as he grew, that he learned that he had to take his turn and would have (politely) turned away an offer to let him go first. He was given the choice of not making a fuss and waiting or leaving, and he usually chose to not make a fuss by the age of 12 or so. Every child with autism is different as are their parents. D's parents wanted him to learn how to fit in to the world because the world was not going to change to accommodate him. This was their approach to most things and that was their choice.

He is now in his 30s and understands about waiting his turn and gets quite vocal if he thinks people are pushing in.

As an aside I'd like to say to parents who worry about the future for children like D that he is a happy adult. He lives independently in sheltered accommodation and has a part time job in a supermarket. As he grew we all worried so much for his future but with the help of social workers and a charity he is fine. He still has his moments but strives to stop himself when he knows he's being what he calls "daft". He removes himself from the situation and sits down quietly, counting, until he feels calm again.

He had a very early diagnosis of autism, and was always in what were then called special schools, including as a weekly boarder for a year. I cannot praise enough all those involved with his care and education, including his parents and brother. Our DCs are younger than he and grew up knowing they had to be kind but that it was also OK to not always do what he wanted. That worked for us.

That's great for D. Truly.

However he is more able then my DD who won't learn to wait, or be able to regulate herself.

I see from this thread though that we will obviously just have to learn to suck it up and endure the waiting.

Also the train of thought that 'the world won't change to accommodate him' is totally understandable, but makes me a bit sad.

The world should change a bit to accommodate those with additional needs. Why should the child suffer for years because it takes them longer to be able to queue or regulate themselves, If indeed they can. Doesn't seem very equal opportunity to me. Loads of adjustments are made for wheelchairs..which is rightof course..no one says people in wheelchairs will have to walk as the world won't accommodate them. IMO it should be similar for emotional needs too. Not all children can regulate themselves, like not all can walk or talk.

Fast passes are a good idea.

Of course you should expect understanding and consideration and you should be given it.

If anything I have found that children are a lot better at being understanding and giving consideration to other children that me be struggling than adults are in general.

We have 5DC,2 of our children are disabled,our 13 year old son is autistic and has dyspraxia our 7 year old daughter is also autistic but her autism is on the more extreme end of the spectrum compared to her brothers,she also has physical disability's sadly,she has problems with her ligaments and joints,problems with her eyes and problems with her bowels bless her.

My son didn't have a great experience at school before secondary school sadly but now he is invited to party's and sleepovers and asked to go out to town,our for lunch to go to the cinema with his friends and all of his friends parents adore him.He's also very popular with the girls now as well

Luckily our Daughter has had a completely different experience with Nursery and Primary school(the Head teacher changed and that made all the difference)she's always been invited to party's and play dates,the cinema ect.She is a favorite of all the staff and the receptionists have a big soft spot for her.All the parents know she is disabled and they're all really supportive of her and all very loving towards her.The School sports day all the children,staff and parents cheer her on,they know what an achievement it is for her to be able to join in,she couldn't walk till she was nearly 3 years old.

I am shocked that people don't say hello to a child. People always wave back and say hello to my three-year old, but I guess he is still at the cute age.

It honestly wouldn't have occurred to me to offer a child having a meltdown to jump the queue, though I always smile sympathetically at parents. My DS has had many a public meltdown and I have always just assumed that all other parents will be doing the same as us and trying to teach patience. Very short sighted of me not to realise that for some kids it's not possible to learn. I will try offering in the future.

I mean D managed to queue happily at 12.

12 years of being unhappy in queues is a shame. Although I see why his parents did it. I believe kids can learn to queue only when ready. Its not that he needed to Learn for 12 years, he just became able to then. Like my AdD just toilet trained at 8. People take longer to do some things, some can't do them ever, and should be accommodated in meantime.

If D had been accommodated he would never have learned to wait. He wasn't unhappy for 12 years. Just for a short time in a queue.

He was always given the choice of leaving or waiting. Sometimes he chose to leave. The other parent would stay with the sibling so that the sibling didn't miss out, which they thought was important.

I believe he would have learned if taught when he was ready. I do sympathise with his parents.not criticising them. But society accommodating children with disabilities should extend to their social and emotional needs not just mobility ones. iMHO. A lot if anxiety could be avoided if kids don't just "have to fit in" if they are not ready.

Invisible aspects of a disability are still disabling.

My child can't walk,,give them a wheelchair, hoist (well some people of trouble getting these, which is wrong), lift.

My child can't queue due to their understanding...tough, they have to learn as society won't accommodate them. Seems wrong.

Queuing is a big thing. You have to queue to be able to access popular activities along with the rest of society.