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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want her playing with my soft toys?

185 replies

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 17:32

Even though dsd has a room full of soft toys and teddies, she seems to always want to play with mine.

I have a few soft toys that I have a strong sentimental attatchment to. Various gifts from dp, and I really like having the comfort of them.

I really don't like dsd playing with them, and want to tell her to go and get her own and leave mine alone, but it feels really petty, so it always ends up with her playing with them, and me on edge while she has them. I don't even know what I'm expecting to go wrong, but I get really uncomfortable if they ar e being played with.

Am I a horrible horrible person? Dp doesn't see the big deal, and I think he would be annoyed if I actually told her no if she asked to play with them.

OP posts:
Patonthehead · 05/04/2015 00:04

Won't somebody think of the teddies? Confused

Teddies that are much loved are the ones that get hugged, muddied and snotted on.

They're not made of Waterford glass; they're cuddly because they're made to be cuddled. And IMO, a seven year old girl gives excellent though often mucus-yteddy cuddles.

Share the love. Share the teddies. Flowers

cedricsneer · 05/04/2015 00:15

I think childhood toys with sentimental value attached are totally normal. Ones bought by an adult for an adult not so much Confused.

prawnballs · 05/04/2015 00:21

Think of the joy she'd have cuddling them - no harm done!

HopOnTheMonnerBus · 05/04/2015 00:31

My favourite cuddly toy Moo with ds2's little monkey Fudge.

I'm 35 and size 14. I'm a cuddlytoyaholic.

AIBU to not want her playing with my soft toys?
nooyearnooname · 05/04/2015 00:37

I'm a size 12, I sleep with a small soft toy, and I hide it away when my SS comes over as I don't like him touching it (got hold of it once and wouldn't let it go). I have plenty of other old toys that I'm happy to share with him but not that one! YANBU in my view.

Icimoi · 05/04/2015 07:46

So why can't you just hide them away, OP? If diss asks about them, just say you haven't got them any more.

ChilliMum · 05/04/2015 07:53

Haven't you seen toy story? Toys are meant to be played with - you should watch ts2 - you are depriving your toys of their toy destiny. My dc would say YABVU!

TerryTheGreenHorse · 05/04/2015 08:30

Have we established a weight/teddy ratio yet?

Sugarfreeriot · 05/04/2015 08:54

Just put them out of sight. Hmm
Maybe buy her a special teddy from you? Put a couple of teddys you don't mind her playing with in your room so you can share your toys with her still.

pinkdelight · 05/04/2015 09:27

Phew! That's okay then, yanbu :)

Slowtrain2dawn · 05/04/2015 10:33

Size 12. One teddy from childhood that sits forlornly on a chest of drawers in corner of bed room. Tbh he probably wants to be played with and sneaks off in middle of night to play with the other toys.

Penguinotterfoxbadger · 05/04/2015 10:55

10st 4lb, no teddies (unless you count a lion shaped hot water bottle named Nigel).

Where has Anatumbra gone? I need to understand this theory!

derxa · 05/04/2015 11:08

Poor little girl

bananayellow · 05/04/2015 11:12

I am sentimental about some of my old teddies. I get where the op is coming from.

Fullpleatherjacket · 05/04/2015 11:30

Oh, I'm glad I opened this. It's like The Twilight Zone Grin

Antumbra! Come back!

fourteen · 05/04/2015 11:38

I have sometimes thought that it would be nice to have a cuddly teddy at night Smile. I don't have one though.

This comes from watching DD with hers - she loves it so much and gets such a lot of comfort from it.

Antumbra, I'm 11 stone, DD is just over 2 stone.

OP, if you don't want to play with your things that's fine, just put them away as others have said. I do think it's slightly unwelcoming though, if they're not old or expensive. I wonder if it's indicative of your attitude to your DSD in general?

redskirt · 05/04/2015 11:50

Goodness gracious, I'm living in a parallel universe to most of you on this thread.

Of COURSE it's OK to have certain things you don't want DSD to touch. Even teddies. And NO you shouldn't have to keep them up high or out of sight.

I have a child of similar age who is perfectly capable of understanding that I have some possessions that I don't want her to play with. And has been capable of understanding this for years.

It's a basic lesson in boundaries and respect that children need to learn in order to be nice adults! !

AuntieDee · 05/04/2015 12:53

My ex gave all my soft toys to the dogs to play with trash :(

Sallystyle · 05/04/2015 13:57

Ant is too busy showing her suppository in another thread to come back to this one.

Sallystyle · 05/04/2015 13:58

FFS Superiority.

NerrSnerr · 05/04/2015 14:04

I was just going to advance search to see the suppository!

Beth2511 · 05/04/2015 14:37

To be fair to OP I have a teddy my great grandma knitted for me for when I was born, I wouldn't like DSD playing with it but neither will be DD be allowed to as it is the only thing I have left that my G.Grandma ever gave me. However, DSD has a good 30 teddies and I keep it out of her way and just say it's special like how her bunny (the one she cant sleep without) is to her. Shes fine with it but its just one teddy.

Think you should loosen up a bit or just hide them!

chickenfuckingpox · 05/04/2015 16:36

im 40 and ive just bought myself a build a bear well technically my son has for mothers day its rainbow coloured has a frozen song in its paw and a heartbeat i allow him to play with it if he wishes

my nan was in her eighties and she is buried with a teddy she loved them the story goes as a child she had some bears came home from school one day and her mom threw them out saying she was too old for them so in later life her home was full of them she refused to take toys from her children and insisted we were treated the same way bears are harmless

AmyElliotDunne · 05/04/2015 16:59

Sorry I ahvent rtft yet but wanted to agree with HostOfDaffodils...

*I think it's all a bit symbolic. You want to keep (some of) your relationship with your partner separate from your stepdaughter.

Meanwhile your 7 year old stepdaughter wants to feel that she's able to share everything. In particular she doesn't want to feel that there's another 'special girl' who is given toys by her Dad, which she isn't allowed to touch.

If your partner had given you priceless crystal ornaments, then you could reasonably put them on a high shelf.

Perhaps you just need to focus on deciding which are the appropriate bits of your relationship with your partner to keep 'private' - and which parts of your life together she gets to share.*

I know exactly how you feel. I have a couple of jumpers that DP left here in the early days and I would wear them as they reminded me of him. In the end they sort of became mine, but when his dd is here he has offered for her to wear them when she's cold and it really gets my back up.

Yes, it's just a jumper, yes it was originally his and therefore he can offer it to whomever he chooses. However, to me it feels like that is something which is between us and that his dd and I are interchangeable sometimes in his affections. As a 'step parent' it can sometimes feel like you have to share everything about your DP with someone else who will always come first. Trying to cling onto some little symbol of the two of you as a couple isn't so hard to understand when you've experienced that feeling.

StrawberryTot · 05/04/2015 17:23

I would say yes YABU but my judgment is completely biased as I think adults who have or collect teddies/ soft toys are plain odd. However I would take no notice of my opinion as I collect Lego Star Wars, so who the fuck am I to say whether or not you are BU Grin

My advice for the future, move them out of sight, they are yours. If you don't want anyone playing with them you don't have to let them.