Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want her playing with my soft toys?

185 replies

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 17:32

Even though dsd has a room full of soft toys and teddies, she seems to always want to play with mine.

I have a few soft toys that I have a strong sentimental attatchment to. Various gifts from dp, and I really like having the comfort of them.

I really don't like dsd playing with them, and want to tell her to go and get her own and leave mine alone, but it feels really petty, so it always ends up with her playing with them, and me on edge while she has them. I don't even know what I'm expecting to go wrong, but I get really uncomfortable if they ar e being played with.

Am I a horrible horrible person? Dp doesn't see the big deal, and I think he would be annoyed if I actually told her no if she asked to play with them.

OP posts:
ashtrayheart · 04/04/2015 17:47

Like I say to my dd who can be funny about people playing with her favourite soft toys, put them out of the way before people come to play Wink

Sunseed · 04/04/2015 17:47

I understand your discomfort and being on edge. I have three or four things that I am perhaps irrationally possessive about and it has now been clearly established that while Mummy shares everything else, these specific things are mine and I will be very, very upset and sad if they get spoilt. Having said that, I had to learn to be slightly more chilled about them after two got broken in quick succession - fortunately they were replaceable but the message has been understood loud and clear now and they are treated with respect/left alone.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 04/04/2015 17:47

I don't think you're a tosser, but you should know the rule with kids by now. You don't want her to touch them, put them away somewhere. My partner and I have soft toys, most of which I'd be happy to pass on. However, I have one teddy that will not be for playing (drooling on). I know that means he'll have to go live on some top shelf one day. I feel sad saying that as well, like my sentimentality means more than a toy being played with. I'm used to my soft toys being nicked though. My dog loves to cuddle with them.

DrEllieSattler · 04/04/2015 17:47

BWAH HA HA HA HA... Sling ball with bra... Wipes eyes...

OMG. Precious teddy catapult with OP's bra! Grin

crazykat · 04/04/2015 17:51

There's nothing wrong with an adult having an attachment to soft toys, each to their own. Just because some don't like them it doesn't mean the op is wrong or childish to have soft toys.

Neither should you have to lock them away, I would put them on a high shelf and if your dsd asks for them say no they're special and you don't want them to get ruined.

I'd be willing to bet my last £ that if you'd posted that you don't want your dd playing with them that you'd have had different answers from some posters.

Vycount · 04/04/2015 17:52

I think 7 year old is quite old enough to understand that her step mum has a few toys with sentimental value that aren't for playing with. I have a little teddy bear sat by my desk that has great sentimental association. I wouldn't want him played with and think that's quite reasonable.
You shut toys away from a 3 year old child, not a 7 year old.

BitchPeas · 04/04/2015 17:56

Adults with cuddly toys make me cringe, especially being so precious about them.

Hide them if you don't want her to play with them but be aware yabvvvvvvvvvu and mean and petty.

Molichite · 04/04/2015 17:57

if she were just a visitor I'd say put them out of the way, but as she is your SD this is presumably her home too.

I think it is fair enough to say your bedroom is out of bounds for DSD unless you are there, so keep them in your room and they are not hers to touch, like your make up, knicker drawer etc. Have a rule and stick with it, then the boundary will be clear and she will give up trying.

However, consider what is the worst she could do to them, really. Has she damaged many soft toys past all redemption since, say, her 6th birthday?

Original poster
MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 17:58

Thank you for both the harsh words and the understanding comments, I think I need both of them.

I know it's irrational to be so uncomfortable with her having them, but ones been ruined already by her sneaking it into bed with her at night and having an accident and teddy getting covered in urine.

This worry is now irrational because she's dry at night, but I suppose I want them to be 'mine'

as to the comments about adults having soft toys, I genuinely don't give a shit about opinions on that, I'm ok with it and that's what matters.

OP posts:
antumbra · 04/04/2015 18:04

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Vivacia · 04/04/2015 18:05

WTAF?

KurriKurri · 04/04/2015 18:06

If you don;t want her to play with them but also don;t want to keep hiding them, could you get some sort of lockable display cabinet for them? (don;t know how many or what size you are talking obviously)

I think you should ignore anyone who criticises the fact taht you have them - I'm gla dyou are happy with yourself - no one should be telling you how to feel about things or what is important for you. I have a dolls house, my ExH ridiculed me and was very nasty about it - but like you I didn;t give a shit. It was something I wanted which meant a lot to me for lots of personal reasons, and I don't care what anyone thinks its none of their business. I do put it out of the way when kids come round though as it has lots of breakable bits Smile

KurriKurri · 04/04/2015 18:06

Her weight - what on earth has that got to do with anything????

MangoJuggler · 04/04/2015 18:07

Wait, what? What is weight to do with anything?

Lilicat1013 · 04/04/2015 18:08

I don't think it is weird wanting to keep things out of her reach, my mum had a cuddly toy and doll from her childhood we weren't allowed to touch as children. They were put on her chest of drawers and we knew not to touch them.

I have things I wouldn't allow my own children to play with, certain things with sentimental value. I don't think it is unfair to tell her some things are to play with and share and other things are precious to one person so they aren't shared.

wizzler · 04/04/2015 18:08

Antumbra... What ?

pinkyredrose · 04/04/2015 18:09

This thread is weird!

EquinoxEclipse · 04/04/2015 18:10

Now this should be interesting....

DragonWithAGirlTattoo · 04/04/2015 18:13

Nice reply op,

She's old enough to know that she shouldn't be playing with them cos they're yours.
MAybe you could buy her one that's just from you

Madamecastafiore · 04/04/2015 18:13

I'm picturing a really naff tatty teddy holding a satin heart embroidered with some romantic guff though.

Minisoksmakehardwork · 04/04/2015 18:13

I am perhaps going to go against the majority view so far. I don't think in the whole that yabu. As a child my mum had several stuffed toys displayed on her dressing table. They were her childhood toys, some handmade by her mum. they meant a lot to her and they were irreplaceable. We were not allowed to play with them. On occasion, if we were upset at night, we were allowed to choose from 2-3 which had less sentimental value to take to bed but they had to go back first thing in he morning.

For us it was simply about respecting that not everything was ours to be played with. Even if to a small child's eyes it was a toy. I have a couple of toys I have kept from my childhood. The dc are allowed to play with them but not be rough. They know they are mine and mean a lot to me. The same as their favourite toy/comforter does to them.

Maybe it's just that my parents room was more out of bounds as a child than ours or any of my friends with children I know. But is that something you could consider, so that things you don't want to get accidentally damaged can be put away safely. You have peace of mind and your dsd starts to learn than not everything is hers. It's not unreasonable to expect a 7yo to understand possessions.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 04/04/2015 18:13

Erm, say what?

Alisvolatpropiis · 04/04/2015 18:16

Can't remember what I was going to say, thoroughly distracted by antumbra's comment.

Spotifymuse · 04/04/2015 18:17

'Steps slowly away from the weird weight commenting thread......'

FaFoutis · 04/04/2015 18:18

What is your theory antumbra?

Swipe left for the next trending thread