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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want her playing with my soft toys?

185 replies

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 17:32

Even though dsd has a room full of soft toys and teddies, she seems to always want to play with mine.

I have a few soft toys that I have a strong sentimental attatchment to. Various gifts from dp, and I really like having the comfort of them.

I really don't like dsd playing with them, and want to tell her to go and get her own and leave mine alone, but it feels really petty, so it always ends up with her playing with them, and me on edge while she has them. I don't even know what I'm expecting to go wrong, but I get really uncomfortable if they ar e being played with.

Am I a horrible horrible person? Dp doesn't see the big deal, and I think he would be annoyed if I actually told her no if she asked to play with them.

OP posts:

DixieNormas · 04/04/2015 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OTheHugeManatee · 04/04/2015 20:46

OTOH on reflection your DSD is out of order touching your things if they are out of the way and you've told her not to.

No matter how weird I think you are for having soft toys as an adult.

TerryTheGreenHorse · 04/04/2015 21:01

Look can people stop going on diets here? It fucks with the theory.

If you lose two dress sizes you have to do a ritual burning of your soft toys in the garden.

Eat chips or Paddington will DIE.

Original poster

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 21:06

That's the thing though, I've never told her she can't have them, Because my gut instinct is that it would be out of order to not let her.

I think I need to keep them out of reach, and it then allows there to be a limit on access to them, but if she ever specifically asks for them then I can get one for her, which allows me to have a bit more control.

And btw, not sure of my weight, but dress size 14!

OP posts:

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 04/04/2015 21:23

OP thanks for the exciting reveal!

I expect we will be getting the theory through shortly now that your dress size is out there. Your shoe size and height may be needed at a later point.

Lovecat · 04/04/2015 21:23

Wow, I'm really taken aback at how judgy the comments on here are.

My mum has a few soft toys on her bed. DD is not allowed to play with them, although she likes to go in and say hello to them. Those toys either belonged to or were given to her by my brother, who was murdered in his teens.

I'd hate to think of her or someone in a similar position coming across this thread and reading that she's a 'tosser', 'weird' or 'precious' or 'petty' by people who don't know the full story :( .

Lifesalemon · 04/04/2015 21:32

lovecat

lomega · 04/04/2015 21:34

YABU and a bit mean - sorry! I too am one of those who likes soft toys and have a fair few sentimental ones. But I don't care if my DS gets hold of them and plays with them, they are toys after all and can be put in the wash on a gentle spin cycle if he barfs or drools on them too much. Unless your soft toys are rare expensive steiff bears or the like (in which case pack them away when she visits) you are being a little bit precious. What do you think she is going to do to them?

I can see it from your point of view if she was helping herself to your toys and not asking, treating them with no respect, or deliberately rummaging in your possessions, but I don't get that impression from your OP.

BeyondRepair · 04/04/2015 21:34

size 14 and also not keen on soft toys or dolls.

BeyondRepair · 04/04/2015 21:36

Op not read thread, but take control of situation.

Say to her, you can play with this one, choose least sentimental or even go and buy one, from charity shop for 20p and say she can play with it but not others and put them away.

OR slowly replace the all with 20p charity shop and pretend they are yours ....and let her play and have.

expatinscotland · 04/04/2015 21:42

YABVU

wizzler · 04/04/2015 21:42

Thenightsky

Am 5ft 4, Size 12 - 14.. and no soft toys unless they are left in my bed by DD!

thenightsky · 04/04/2015 22:05

I am 10 stone 10lb on a good day. Not stating dress size as that is NOT what was asked for

I own an enormous white polar bear dressed in a christmas style bobble hat that I won in a Morrisons supermarket raffle.

Just saying.

Stealthsquiggle · 04/04/2015 22:10

Haven't read the whole thread, but my (kind of average weight) DH unceremoniously confiscated his bear from 3yo DGoddaughter (who was taking bear for a ride round the kitchen in a buggy, not tearing him limb from limb or anything) so I think on the whole OP is NBU.

tilliebob · 04/04/2015 22:15

I couldn't state my weight as no one knows it - including me!

GrumpyKitty · 04/04/2015 22:36

Wow, there's a lot of venom on this thread!
Personally, I don't think it's "precious" (I hate that use of the word anyway) to not want to share something that's important to you, no matter what the item is, and I don't think adults who have soft toys are weird.
I agree with the person who said there seems to be an assumption that all toys must be for children, but that no-one should be allowed to claim ownership over your things.
OP, you say you think it would be "out of order" to not let your DSD play with your soft toys, out of interest, why do you think that?

cleanmyhouse · 04/04/2015 22:44

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I love my teddy.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 04/04/2015 22:47

My mum has a few teddies - she get a bit miffed when my ds batter them cruelly

Thought mn was a 'live and let live' place

Clearly not !

PurpleDaisies · 04/04/2015 22:47

YANBU op. If you'd written this thread about "personal sentimental items with memories attached" that your sd wanted to play without specifying they were soft toys you'd have probably got more friendly responses. As another keeper of childhood toys it isn't about the toy itself it's all the memories tied up with it and I'd be gutted if it got damaged.

Agree with others who've suggested putting them away from your step daughter so she isn't tempted. But if you don't want to, don't. Children don't have an intrinsic right to play with whatever they want to and pleasantly saying no and explaining why is totally fine.

It might be nice to take your sd out to buy a teddy that you can play with together when she comes to visit.

I'm 60kg. Interested to see how that has affected my opinion on soft toys.

pinkdelight · 04/04/2015 22:53

Loving the strange turn this thread has taken. But just want to highlight in an earlier post, OP referred to the soft toy as 'teddy' - not 'a teddy' or 'the teddy' but like a Playschool presenter: 'teddy wouldn't like that' for example. I think grown ups having soft toys is fine but talking like that about them as if it's normal... well, it's not normal. Reminds me of a friend's eccentric aunt who bought her teddy bear an expensive wristwatch. Borderline bonkers.

Hubblez · 04/04/2015 23:11

I don't see why people are being so mean about adults having soft toys! I have a soft toy sheep that my great grandma knitted for me when I was a baby and finished it just before she died, I wouldn't want a child playing with that and risk damaging it, as it is precious to me. I expect some other toys have similar stories for people, I also still have the blankets from when I was a baby and some of my favourite toys from when I was a child that I kept

TheBooMonster · 04/04/2015 23:31

I'd put them out of reach, potentially out of sight if you don't want them played with. I have 1 teddy which I've had since I was 11, and I never learnt to sleep without it. MiL thinks it's ridiculous that I have a teddy at my age and whenever she comes over and she and DD go upstairs DD ends up with it in her arms even when it's in my bloody bed I've given up trying to stop DD taking it, so I've accepted that I have to go into her room on a pretty much daily basis after she's gone to bed to steal my own teddy back.

Noshowofmojo · 04/04/2015 23:35

My Mum is 80 and has some stuffed toys as she likes to cuddle something at night when she is lonely. Each to their own.

Egog · 04/04/2015 23:45

I don't think you're being unreasonable.

Buy her a 'special' toy that's just hers, and explain that as that's just for her, yours are just for you.

From now on, I think I'm going to ask a random, irrelevant question on every thread I comment on.

"AIBU to hate my MIL?"
Well, that depends. Are you vegetarian?

Original poster

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 23:54

Pinkdelight, I'm sorry if it's ruined any theories, but that was just a typo of missing out a 'the'.

Was very confused when I read your post so went back and checked mine. Just a typo, no assigning person status to them.

OP posts:

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