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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not want her playing with my soft toys?

185 replies

MsMarvel · 04/04/2015 17:32

Even though dsd has a room full of soft toys and teddies, she seems to always want to play with mine.

I have a few soft toys that I have a strong sentimental attatchment to. Various gifts from dp, and I really like having the comfort of them.

I really don't like dsd playing with them, and want to tell her to go and get her own and leave mine alone, but it feels really petty, so it always ends up with her playing with them, and me on edge while she has them. I don't even know what I'm expecting to go wrong, but I get really uncomfortable if they ar e being played with.

Am I a horrible horrible person? Dp doesn't see the big deal, and I think he would be annoyed if I actually told her no if she asked to play with them.

OP posts:

Booboostoo · 04/04/2015 19:53

It's perfectly reasonable for you to have things you do not want your DSD to play with and, in this respect, whether they are teddies or a collection of knives is irrelevant.

However the fact that they are teddies does make them more appealing to her, and there may be more to the request than the toys themselves. Could you try a compromise? She only plays with them when you are together and then they go back to their place. She may enjoy your special time and you may feel less stressed about it all.

BellasOrgasmicWalkingFoot · 04/04/2015 19:54

Size 10 (just!), size 4 feet and 5 foot 4 here....and I may have a couple of old soft toys in the loft...

KurriKurri · 04/04/2015 19:56

You are all getting it wrong - it is not size it is weight, Not weight in relation to height, or weight in relation to age, but WEIGHT pure and simple, there must be a cut off weight at which you either tip over or under into soft toy ownership.

I often give soft toys as presents, now I am worried about how that relates to my weight or others weights - am I some sort of enabler?

TheMummalo · 04/04/2015 19:58

I feel your pain.

BellasOrgasmicWalkingFoot · 04/04/2015 19:59

Yes you are kurri. Can't you think of how offence you're being?!

BellasOrgasmicWalkingFoot · 04/04/2015 19:59

Offensive. Bloody arsing autocorrect

Sallystyle · 04/04/2015 20:00

She isn't going to come back now and answer why she asked the op's weight.

girliefriend · 04/04/2015 20:01

Have just been talking to my dd about this and we think that it is fair enough to have a few teddies that are not for playing with. I have one bear from my childhood that I have a strong sentimental attachment to, dd has never been allowed to play with him. She has about a gazillion of her own so I don't see it as an issue.

I am a size 12 if that has any relevance

makeminea6x · 04/04/2015 20:03

In the interests of science: 14-16, size 7 feet, not that interested in soft toys but have 1 from childhood.

tilliebob · 04/04/2015 20:04

I'm a 12-14 and DH hasn't bought me a manky dust catching soft toy since we were in our teens (mid 40's now). Yabu not to share with dsd, she's probably been taught to share her toys.

And yes, this is a weird thread in lots of ways

Cheby · 04/04/2015 20:13

Is the poster who asked about weight going to come back? I'm not sure I'm going to sleep tonight if I don't find out what the theory is.

WhirlpoolGalaxyM51 · 04/04/2015 20:17

Well I can only assume that, having asked and had so much generous feedback, they are currently adding it all to a spreadsheet with a view to performing preliminary analysis, and will be reporting back with the initial findings shortly.

SilverDragonfly1 · 04/04/2015 20:17

I'm a size 12 on a good day and have two teddies I sleep with! I also collect vintage dolls houses.

OP I can understand, I wouldn't want someone fiddling around with my teddies and potentially making them grubby. I think it's ridiculous to suggest you're being unfair by not wanting to share your possessions with a 7 year old. Presumably if you had jewellery or (robust) ornaments with sentimental value no one would be suggesting she should be allowed free rein.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 04/04/2015 20:19

Weight? I'm about 10 stone (6 months pregnant) and have a jellycat rabbit! DD has claimed it for herself though .

TwattingNora · 04/04/2015 20:19

Surprised at the number of posters who are anti-soft toys for adults. I remember a thread a few months ago, where the OP's DC came home with a teddy and got really attached to it, had it for months.Then one day out of the blue OP's ex took the teddy back off the DC, as apparently the preschooler DC had 'stolen' it from him, and it was of great sentimental value! Most posters said that the OP was BU to be upset, because it was clearly a special teddy!

DarkHeart · 04/04/2015 20:20

I am a size 10(slimmed down from a size 14)and no teddies here

thenightsky · 04/04/2015 20:21

why are people stating their dress size? Thingy upthread asked for weight not size

I am assuming this is nothing at all to do with soft toys, but she is doing some sort of survey of weightiness of mumsnetters.

treaclesoda · 04/04/2015 20:22

Oh, I've read through dozens of posts hoping to be enlightened on the weight thing but...nothing.

I'm now thinking that the weight poster is toying with us. I'll be keeping an eye out on other threads for random questions such as 'OP, can I ask what colour your eyes are?' or 'OP, do you make sure that your knickers match your bra?'

thenightsky · 04/04/2015 20:24

I'm tempted to just post randomly all over mumsnet... 'OP, can I ask your weight?'

See what chaos and rage it causes

ThatIsNachoCheese · 04/04/2015 20:29

I am totally marking my place to see what the fuck weight has got to do with it.
I think YABU unreasonable op as they are children's toys so if they are out for her to see then she is going to want to play with them.

I think you'll have to put them away.

Yoruba · 04/04/2015 20:31

Think you are getting a hard time op because of the soft toy thing, its often a bit scorned for adults to have teddies.

I would say to DSD that they are yours and special and maybe spend a bit of time chatting to her about who gave them and when etc if she seems interested. I know my dd loves to hear stories of when I got sentimental items.
I probably would let her play with them though, it seems a bit silly not to as nothing will actually happen to them. I would make sure I said she had to be careful and look after them as they are yours, in the same way I would tell her to look after anyone elses posessions. I know my dd would be careful if that was the only way she was allowed to play with them!
I do understand the wanting to protect your sentimental items but it is possible to work through that with yourself, especially as they arent breakable or anything.

MurkyMinotaur · 04/04/2015 20:33

It's reasonable to have some possessions that are precious to you and it's reasonable to expect DC to respect that.

There seems to be an underlying assumption that toys always belong to children but no one, child or adult, has the right to assume ownership of your belongings. Children haven't got an automatic right to anything classed as a 'toy'! It still belongs to someone and children 'get' that. It's not unkind, it's realistic and can co-exist with sharing. Some things you share openly, some things need special permission, trust and care. That goes for all and any possessions, whether that's your iphone, your knitting, your clothes or your toys.

LaBelleDameSansPatience · 04/04/2015 20:40

I don't think that you are BU ... when DD was little, nothing that was mine was off limits, according to DH. She broke necklaces and bracelets, tore books; obviously she knew no better.
Somehow, DH's power tools/things in the garage were too dangerous for her to touch, yet anything of mine that might be dangerous (eg scalpels for artwork, was binned, and I was not allowed to own it) ... I felt as if I was being pushed out of my own life .. very upsetting.
Now DD is old enough to understand and we can talk about it. She is 8. I think your 7-year-old DSD should be able to understand.

Lifesalemon · 04/04/2015 20:41

YANBU i have three quite expensive limited edition bears and no one gets to touch them.
I also make OOAK thread bears and I'm sometimes even petty enough to refuse to make one for someone if I know its going to be a present for a small child. I can't stand the thought of all my hard work getting trashed.
I guess that makes me really weird
I'm overweight too by the way with size seven feet

SuperFlyHigh · 04/04/2015 20:41

Size 12 and I bought my old cat a Rattus white stuffed rat from ikea which she ignored.... So I have it....

I also asked for a stuffed Tiger from Tiger Who Came to Tea on my bedroom shelf and a souvenir studded tiger I bought when 21 from Philadelphia zoo as a souvenir.

If a partner got me a stuffed toy I'd be a bit though.

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