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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 10:03

I have gone out and so not in. Have not heard from them today yet.

OP posts:
Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 10:21

The reason why posters are concerned about the boy OP is because all your information is coming from what she is telling you. So it could all be lies. Or some of it could be. Please just check with the embassy then you can rest easy that you did what you could to help the boy.

Lucy61 · 04/04/2015 11:10

Op, you keep saying that they're technically on holiday, but they're not judging by everything you said. They're homeless. She's unstable. He needs help.

Icimoi · 04/04/2015 11:19

Do you actually know she has a return ticket? Have you seen it? And I don't understand why you think the father giving permission to take the child to Germany amounts to permission to take him to the UK.

StillLostAtTheStation · 04/04/2015 11:34

Just to say please ignore the stuff about her being a lodger. She isn't and even if she were a lodger has no security of tenure.

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 11:36

She has a return ticket she sent me the screenshot when she booked. She has been taking the boy all over for a while and all with the dads permission, granted Some of what she is telling me could be lies. Wouldn't want to start calling anywhere until they are out of my house.

OP posts:
maliaki · 04/04/2015 11:36

Does she have a key to your house OP? I really wouldn't be happy with that given how much she's lied, manipulated and used you.

You need to get some advice on this. I'd wonder if perhaps the first friend quickly cottoned on to her using or was pissed off by her behaviour and told her to leave rather then went on holiday.

KatieKaye · 04/04/2015 11:48

that screen shot is no guarantee she has a return ticket. It could have been faked.

And doesn't the fact she took a screen shot in the first place to send to you make you think that there is something very strange going on? If I was visiting a friend abroad I'd never send them a screenshot "proving" I'd booked a return ticket unless there were some deeper issues.

IF you care about the boy's welfare, then you need to do something sooner rather than later. She is not in your house atm, so it's not like she's going to overhear you. And realistically, it isn't as if your friendship is ever going to be the same after the way she has behaved.

And if the father is really fine with his son being removed from school and traipsed across Europe, then he sounds as peculiar as this woman. But you only have her word to go on and I think you know that she cannot be trusted.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 11:58

I agree with KatieKaye.

Why on earth would anyone send a screenshot of a return ticket unless they thought they might not be believed.

This woman's story all has a prawns sewn into the curtain lining whiff about it.

Could you ask the original friend what she thinks? Where is this woman and the kid today? Schools in many Euro countries go back on Wednesday, if not Tuesday, when is she saying her kid goes back so she'll leave?

LammilyDoll · 04/04/2015 12:00

"She was my very good friends brothers girlfriend"
And what does your very good friend have to say about the situation?
Are you still in touch with the brother?

WyldChyld · 04/04/2015 12:03

Christ, OP, good luck with this. I agree with telling her "this isn't working. You need to go home"

Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 12:24

She has been taking the boy all over for a while and all with the dads permission

How do you know he has given her permission OP? Even if she had a letter from him it still doesn't prove he wrote it. She could have got anyone to write it.

Why are you reluctant to check with authorities that the boy isn't missing from his home country, that his father or other family members aren't going mad with worry wondering where he is. It's a phone call that's all. Just ring the police and ask them to check it out for you.

Wouldn't want to start calling anywhere until they are out of my house.

But then you wouldn't know where the boy was and if he had been abducted it would be harder to find him. You don't even need to do it from the house, just pop into your nearest police station. I can't think of one reason why you wouldn't just do that.

Topseyt · 04/04/2015 12:50

Screenshots of just about anything at all can be downloaded from the internet and can look totally genuine.

You need to see the Real McCoy.

Please call 101 for advice, at the very least. If she still hasn't even come back then how will she ever know.

Also, permission to go to Germany from the dad (assuming it is genuine and not faked) does not equate to permission to traipse like nomads all around Europe with a vulnerable 10 year old boy.

Smell the coffee here. It is all just too weird for comfort. You don't want to hear in the future that something happened to the child without having tried all you could to prevent it.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 04/04/2015 13:01

I'm with the PP who lives in Sweden - a country with one of the most highly developed (and expensive) welfare systems in the world and she needs to be encouraged to return there, for her sake, her child's sake and her unborn child's sake as she's probably to far along for a termination, unless there are very strong medical grounds.

SouthWestmom · 04/04/2015 13:32

Trouble is though, people start posting all kinds of crap cod legal advice which devalues any sensible advice.
Really op's duty is to herself and her children. Why not talk to the friend first rather than make secret phone calls to embassies? Spell out the concerns.

ragged · 04/04/2015 15:41

Am I the only one wondering if she's really out & about with permission of the boy's father, or whether she's fleeing SS in some country, even.

Not your problem, but I'd try to get a message to the boy's dad about boy's whereabouts.

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 15:48

She sent me the screenshot of the booking so that I could know her dates. I definitely don't think she is lying about that as it's not like she paid for it anyway! We still aren't back home yet but she will be back in the evening.

OP posts:
biggles50 · 04/04/2015 15:57

This is horrendous for you, she's taking advantage but I completely understand how you feel bad about her child and unborn baby. Honesty is the best policy be firm but give her options. Is there a housing department you could ring and explain what is going on? Your health visitor? I'd have to be honest with her so there's no wriggle room. "So it's been ok for a while but you'll have to stand on your own two feet now I'm not planning on sharing my house, here's what you do". I've not lived inthe UK for a few years but way back when the health visitor was the font of all knowledge.

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 16:49

She really just needs to get back on the plane when she is supposed to which I think she will be forced into doing if there are no mugs ie me aiding and abetting her. All the stuff about abduction I'm really not concerned about at all to be honest

OP posts:
Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 16:54

I'm disappointed OP. All it would take is a quick phone call and it might make all the difference to that boy. Still, if you won't, you won't Sad

Icimoi · 04/04/2015 16:58

Why does she have to pay for a termination? Isn't she entitled to one on the NHS as an EU citizen?

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 17:01

ss would take interest if you bothered to pick up the phone today. I would, for the poor child's sake. I can't see why you wouldn't.

expatinscotland · 04/04/2015 17:04

There's one born every minute . . .

KatieKaye · 04/04/2015 17:15

I'm kind of stunned that as a parent who hasn't mentioned a DP living in the same home that yhe possibility of abduction does not make your blood run cold.
Who sends a screen shot of a flight booking rather than simply saying "I arrive on X and leave on W?"

I'm now wondering if this is a reverse, testing out the waters. You post asking if YABU to kick her out and turn things around when everyone says YES and say you don't want to. You believe the most cock and bull stories and have no concerns for the welfare of a child. It's confusing

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2015 17:20

All the stuff about abduction I'm really not concerned about at all
I think you're onto something, Katie... Op, you're not posting from Sweden, are you??? Shock