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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
SouthWestmom · 04/04/2015 17:29

If I'm honest in not sure I would be calling embassies and social services if one of my Spanish friends turned up, took the piss with my hospitality and decided she might stay here. I really don't think the op needs to take on problems that probably don't exist.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 17:35

I've just reread and am now even more confused.....how was someone, presumably Swedish, able to apply for German c/ship having just moved there?

Where is the return ticket to? Germany, or Sweden?

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 17:35

I would if they were dragging a child round (away from his father) whilst sofa surfing.

Topseyt · 04/04/2015 17:38

Reverse would possibly explain why the OP seems reluctant to act on some of the main questions and concerns this throws up.

It's all very odd indeed.

BitchPeas · 04/04/2015 17:46

I would not call SS over this either. The child is 10, he can speak to his father whenever he wants according to the OP, it's been such a short space of time that they have been away I don't see what SS would do?

If it had been months I would or thought abuse was happening but having a flakey lying wreck for a mother who's bought you on holiday and enjoys sofa surfing is not really SSs problem??

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 17:49

A quick google (though hopefully any MNers in Germany can help?) a residence requirement of 8 yrs ca for German naturalisation.

mathanxiety · 04/04/2015 18:14

If she canceled her citizenship application in Germany (if there ever was one) then it can't be construed that she is on holiday here or just here to have an abortion. Plus she has stated her intention of getting a job in the UK. Meanwhile she is trying her luck with someone she possibly barely knows in Canada..

If you wait until they are all out of your house and gone before calling the embassy, 101, etc then you won't know where they are, will you?
So that would be a useless waste of everyone's time.

Meanwhile there is a vulnerable ten year old boy sleeping in the homes of strangers, without personal belongings, with no contact with other children, not in school, in a foreign country where he doesn't know anyone except his unstable mother.

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 18:23

Because I know it is not abduction is why I have no concern with regards to that. I don't know how the thread even turned into abduction I have absolutely zero concern with regards to that.

OP posts:
Eggynuff · 04/04/2015 18:25

K

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 18:25

This abortion idea has just come up. Up until the day before yesterday she was keeping it.

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 18:27

Noeuf you understand exactly where I'm coming from.

OP posts:
Skiptonlass · 04/04/2015 18:33

Here in sweden you can get an abortion for any reason at all until 18 weeks. From then up to 22 weeks you need a medical review and permission, and after that I'm not exactly sure - I wonder if she's in the UK because of the 24 week limit?

Have you spoken to the boy? Would he be ok with you talking to his dad? He us the real victim in all this, poor kid :(

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 18:33

I think we possibly do OP.

How was she applying for German citizenship? Which country is expecting the child back in school? Because if it's Sweden, another google tells me he probably needs to be there by Tuesday.

If she overstays in the UK as she intends to, having told her child's father (who seems to have issued her with the standard consent letter to come to the UK for a holiday, as well as permission to live in Germany etc etc) she is going back, then, if he contacts the authorities it is abduction.

If you aren't the houseguest, why have you suddenly gone from wanting her out, to, when everyone, almost unanimously, has agreed with you, to saying nah, she can stay, no problemo.

It either was a problem. Or it wasn't. Or she's you.

CHST · 04/04/2015 18:34

When I was living in Germany, which was 2003-2008, the rules were you could apply for citizenship after living there for five years. If I had wanted to get a German Passport, I would have had to give up my British Passport.
Germany is pretty strict about Immigration. You have to register every time you move, supply lots of details about work and if you aren't working, have to prove you will be supported financially. I was a without a job for a while when I first moved cities in Germany and my husband, then boyfriend, had to sign a declaration that he would financially support me. Things might have changed since I move back to the UK but they are much stricter and are much more rigid with protocol.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 18:34

What drank said.

Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 18:43

I haven't all of a sudden changed my mind, just that she has been gone since we had the argument and still hasn't come back. I would feel bad kicking them out having agreed to a week, but at the same time there is no way she can stay even a day longer.

The boy does need to go to school I agree and I don't know where he will be going back to school. She talks of staying here but practically it really isn't possible. I believe she is trying her luck with me.

She has been here 2 days and I haven't told my good friend yet. He doesn't live here, we all met on holiday in another country.

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 04/04/2015 18:48

I was trying to mask some details in case she read it! But it doesn't look like it's working and she would probably realise anyway. The original country is Italy and the second country is Switzerland. She applied for citizenship as soon as she got there I believe and enrolled the boy in school. She didn't want to stay there because of the language barrier and the boy feeling isolated not being able to mix at school. They went back to Italy where the boyfriend is before coming here on "holiday"

OP posts:
mathanxiety · 04/04/2015 18:52

Lily, do you not see how the boy is in a vulnerable situation here?

You say he can phone his dad any time, but seriously, what do you expect a ten year old child to understand of his circumstances or be able to convey to him of the reality of the situation -- that he lives with strangers who are barely known to his mother?

He may have been told they are all old friends of long standing, or cousins, or people who run B&Bs, etc. He may have been told they are on holiday and that he will be returning to school in Germany, and his father might not be any the wiser until he has missed many weeks or even months of education.

He most certainly would have no sense of being among strangers who might or might not have his interests at heart (a fact that is amply illustrated by your lack of concern for him, may I add).

mathanxiety · 04/04/2015 18:56

So now they are Italian and they have been in Switzerland, where Italian is spoken...

You can only apply for citizenship after living in Switzerland for ten years.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 18:58

This makes no sense at all now.

QuietChocolateEggHuntingPerson · 04/04/2015 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Patapouf · 04/04/2015 19:06

Hahaha yeah, because you can just waltz into switzerland and claim citizenship! Should have have been lucky to apply for a B permit considering she has no work there.

Tell her she can't stay more than a week, beyond that she isn't your concern.

Patapouf · 04/04/2015 19:07

And citizenship in switzerland is ££££££££££ not something you'd cancel on a whim!

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 19:10

Oh, t'is a veritable Eurovision.....

Topseyt · 04/04/2015 19:11

I am now totally confused after your last post.

So they are now from Italy, not Sweden? She considered taking up residence in Switzerland (not Germany) but couldn't get to grips with the language barrier so returned to Italy, before setting off "on holiday" for the UK. Confused

Weird sort of holiday where you go with no accommodation booked, to sofa-surf with random people you hardly know and then to have an abortion. Not one I would choose.

If this is for real, please report to SS or the police because of question marks over the safety of the boy.

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