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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
gamerchick · 03/04/2015 20:58

Even though you think SS won't do anything there is nothing wrong in ringing and asking for advice is there?

Roomba · 03/04/2015 21:00

If Social Services can get involved with the Italian lady who was court ordered to have a c-section and her baby adopted here (who was only here briefly on a course), then they can surely be involved here if necessary.

She is absolutely taking the piss out of you. I feel very sorry for her son, but at the end of the day, your family is your priority, not hers. If she is unable to care for and house her son, there are organisations who are much more experienced and better suited to helping her than you are.

Do not let her emotionally blackmail you!

KatieKaye · 03/04/2015 21:08

It sounds more and more like abduction.
the boy could be at risk and there could be a major alert out in Sweden or Germany. Please get in touch with the Swedish embassy or call 101.

the mother may be ill or she may be a con artist. But the boy could be at risk and his father could be beside himself with worry.

as math said, there is a child protection issue

From - no, there are different results. Not letting someone into your house means they do not have access to your house. Throwing them out means physically ejecting them. And if the woman is considering an abortion then she is hardly likely to be heavily pregnant. And even if she were, it is still no reason for OP to allow herself to be walked all over by this highly untrustworthy person

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/04/2015 21:08

That's true, it doesn't sound like she has actually done anything wrong yet. Just a lot of bad intentions.

Skiptonlass · 03/04/2015 21:09

They will be able to trace dad, the child etc. Everyone in sweden has a personal number and it's linked to your home, even if you move abroad they keep you in the system and they know where you live. When I first moved here I found it odd but now I think it's an amazing system!

Personally, op, I'd let them stay a couple more days - mum sounds like a pain (hide your valuables!!) but the boy is another matter. Talk to him. Get his personnummer, ask if there are grandparents/ does he want to call his dad/ name of school etc. Then call the embassy and get them to pass you onto child services. There's something not right here. What an awful situation for you. :(

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 03/04/2015 21:10

How far along is the pregnancy?

Skiptonlass · 03/04/2015 21:17

Interpol has a missing person website

www.interpol.int/notice/search/missing

And there is also a europe wide amber alert website

www.amberalert.eu

Topseyt · 03/04/2015 21:19

For some reason, I would hardly be surprised to learn that the pregnancy was not real.

I could be wrong of course, it's just that it all seems so weird.

eddielizzard · 03/04/2015 21:32

i feel so sorry for that poor boy of hers.

you let her problems become yours though. give her the days you said, but then she must leave. i think she'll come to the conclusion to go back to sweden.

BMW6 · 03/04/2015 21:59

The boy's father is in Sweden. He gave permission for them to be in Germany

So did the boys father give his permission for his son to be taken to the UK? Or does he think that they are still in Germany? Does he know that she intends to stay here with his son?

Surely Swedish authorities should be alerted if she is carting his son around Europe and relocating permanantly here without his permission?

Srendipity30 · 03/04/2015 22:06

Yes you can call social services, talking as someone who knows this field well. They would intervene no matter where the child is from or how long the child is in the country for. Where are you getting that incorrect information from?

Srendipity30 · 03/04/2015 22:08

Social services do not stop working because its Easter holiday. If the the childs needs are not being met, which it sounds like in this situation they would get involved and contact next of kin AKA his father or other family member who can look after him. She is dragging this poor child from country to country thats not good.

Fromparistoberlin73 · 03/04/2015 22:18

What skipton said

Use the next few days to talk to the son . Where are his grandparents, father , aunts etc . What nationality is he ?

You owe her nothing - but maybe before he leaves you can make some steps to secure his future - I know it's harrowing but in the long run would he be better of elsewhere ? Tough one . I think if you do something to help him you can boot her out with a clean conscience

TenerifeSea · 03/04/2015 22:26

Horrible situation for that poor boy. I'm sorry you've been dragged into this too. I agree with the suggestion to call children's services for advice.

Starlightbright1 · 03/04/2015 22:33

I also feel for the boy. I would not let her stay in your house though. I wouldn't kick her out tonight but tomorrow yes.

You are supposed to be doing this as a favour are you getting anything out of this at all other than stress and anxiety.

lougle · 03/04/2015 22:37

It does sound all so messy. It can't be a relaxing way to live.

SouthWestmom · 03/04/2015 22:47

Sorry but you say she is running away from Sweden because the boyfriends wife turned up, and that she then lived in Germany with a woman for several months? Then came to England two weeks ago? So how pregnant is she?

cestlavielife · 03/04/2015 22:53

What is her country of origin ? Is she swedish an eu citizen or just swedish resident ? Right to reside in Sweden might not translate to right to reside in UK.

She sounds unstable.
there is a child protection issue .

coconutty · 03/04/2015 22:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ratfinkandbobo · 03/04/2015 22:56

As can facilitate the boy being repatriated to Sweden? I hope so, this is very much a child protection issue. She is obviously very chaotic and neglecting his needs, poor kidEaster Sad

Ratfinkandbobo · 03/04/2015 22:58

Sorry autocorrect! Ss not as! They can contact the Swedish equivalent through Swedish embassy.

Lucy61 · 03/04/2015 22:58

Help the boy. If his dad was paying her rent in Sweden and having the son in the holidays then he sounds like a decent guy and might be able to help his son. He needs to beade aware of the situation.

Lucy61 · 03/04/2015 22:59
  • be made
ZeddyByeBye · 03/04/2015 23:20

Not sure if this has been said (I'm still reading), but you might want to look in to the laws pretty quickly. It could be that she'll be classed as a lodger and you won't be able to kick her out without a court order.

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 23:27

The dad wrote a letter to say they could go to Germany it really isn't abduction. The boy speaks to his dad whenever he wants to. Remember he was married to her so knows full well what she is like.

Update: she called to say she was on her way back then text two hours later to say she is tired and will be staying the night at her friends place, so I'm thinking she has got the message partially at least.

OP posts: