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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
suzannecallmestan · 06/04/2015 11:00

Language is in a constant state of flux, very possible the meaning of cocklodger is shifting to mean just a man who takes the piss.
However the original meaning is as I described ?Wink

maliaki · 06/04/2015 11:06

Another perspective is always good, but not when you gloss over a lot of the crap the guest has done to defend it. And this guest has taken the piss.

Your friend needed help, I don't think it's worldly-wise to say hi or to ignore it depends on how your friendship is with him and how much he annoyed you during the time. You could have completely distanced yourself from him and the friends who didn't warn you (though tbf from another side they may not have known that you weren't away of his tendencies) so that he couldn't treat you that way again. Or you could just distance yourself and be civil as you have. Both ways can be the best way, depending on situation and your friend. In one case, still being civil and friendly could led to them attempting and even maybe being able to manipulate you into a doormat, in another it can draw a line under things. Sometimes being firm and throwing out can ruin a friendship, in others the friendship is long gone and no longer wanted.

maliaki · 06/04/2015 11:07

suzannecallmestan Grin

Koalafications · 06/04/2015 11:08

This is such a bizarre thread.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 06/04/2015 11:15

Sorry, didn't want to hijack with another story, it was just an add on but just to let you know it was my past HGs alcoholism that made him try and manipulate me, mutual friends did know but thought HG was ok and I am still very good friends with all the mutuals and if I see HG it's hi how are you, you're looking well (meaning looks like you've managed to stay off the booze).

I think that what OP has been describing to us may very well be her perception of HGs actions, that she's seeing something worse than is there due to her anxiety about the whole thing - anxiety increased by new motherhood, the changes in dates, her HGs confusing current life situation and, of course, MN.

If I don't answer, not being rude, just trying to take advantage of the lovely day.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 06/04/2015 11:18

We seem to have entered some weird cyclical soap, that's for sure....Radio silence all day whilst everyone, children, babies and mediators are 'not at home', followed by a very eloquent row to say we are (presumably ) speaking 2 languages and one of the players is 10....followed by another almost 24 hrs of radio silence.
A cynic might say the thread was being strategically bumped, but not me, I'm having far too much fun.
But as I said earlier, if they are returning to Italy, they need to hurry, as the schools go back on Wednesday.

maliaki · 06/04/2015 11:21

To be fair FloatIsRechargedNow, your story is much easier to follow Grin.

Koalafications · 06/04/2015 12:49

Yes, DrankSangria Wink I think you may be right

Bettercallsaul1 · 06/04/2015 13:33

A riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma.

Yellowbird54321 · 06/04/2015 13:35

Erm - all that mediation and pub lunch drama and nothing has changed? I've searched the smiley list for a 'feeling vaguely let down and disappointed' type expression but to no avail.

Sallyingforth · 06/04/2015 13:45

OP I know we have been chasing you to update, but let me save you any more trouble by telling you how it will play out in future...

"I'll leave in four days"

"Good news! - I have some money coming through in a couple of days, so I can rent a room then"

"I couldn't rent for just a month, but it's only a week now until my other victim friend gets back. I've been here a month now, another week won't matter"

"Oh dear, my friend has missed her flight but she'll be back very soon"

"I'm so sad, my friend is ill and can't travel at the moment"

"You want to go on holiday OP? No problem, I can house sit for you"

"My baby is due very soon, I can't move now"

"I've got my son into the local school for the new term, it would be terrible to move him just as he's settling in"

"We are so looking forward to Christmas. I'll help you decorate my your bedroom"

Chippednailvarnish · 06/04/2015 13:46

Is it too early to hit the beer?

YouTheCat · 06/04/2015 13:55

HG clearly had no intention of moving on after the remaining 4 days were up (as verified by the mediating friend). I don't care where you're from, you don't just impose yourself, expecting money.

I don't believe for a second that the first friend she stayed with has gone on holiday. I reckon she got thrown out or had not arranged to stay there in the first place and so was hedging her bets on there being a bed available.

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 13:57

The boy dropped the baby the day before yesterday, which is why I don't want him holding her. It wasn't intentional or from a great height but still enough to make her scream and me freak out. Plus I just think it's rude for a child to walk into an adults bedroom and start picking up everything. I go upstairs to put her for naps because he always wants to play with her, as innocent as it is she still needs to sleep.

I have resigned myself to the fact that she will be here 4 more days. I made it very very clear that anything over that is an absolute no no matter what. We do have mutual friends in common which is why I don't want it to get messy. Our mind sets are far too different for us to be friends. I know that now. I try not to judge but certain choices are mind boggling for me. She is really talking about moving to Canada now and dumping the boy with his father or friend somewhere.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2015 14:00

She'd have a challenge of getting into Canada, they don't let any old fucker in.

What she gonna do, put the boy on a plane to some random country and see how he gets on?

YouTheCat · 06/04/2015 14:02

I don't think I could stand to have someone with that attitude to their own child in my home.

The lad sounds like he would be much better off with his father though or grandparents.

Bettercallsaul1 · 06/04/2015 14:04

Anyone drinking Canadian Club?

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 14:06

This Canada guy she has been talking to on Skype for 5 years and they have only met once at a pool party in ghana (I know I know another country, but that is where she lived before Italy) she is saying he wants to marry her as he has always wanted to marry a Ghanaian girl and he doesn't meet many in Canada. I think she is going to be in for a rude awakening because I was there when they were talking and he told her he is dating someone and it's getting serious.

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2015 14:08

If she starts talking about moving to Australia, Then we know she's delusional.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2015 14:10

Fuck me, Ghana!!!!! Who is she, fucking Phileas Fogg?

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 14:11

Oh and I do agree with float that some things are cultural. She is originally from ghana and said she never imagined I could take those comments offensively, so I have to take it that she didn't mean to cause offence however I still don't want to have to deal with her "bluntness" I bought up her trying to come 5 days earlier and she claimed it wasn't her fault, at the same time I think that she is so used to being a user that she finds this behaviour normal and I don't. She told me how her friend came from ghana to visit her in Italy for 6 weeks and she had no problem with it. The difference is she was given a choice. I don't want anyone staying with me that long!

OP posts:
LadySybilLikesSloeGin · 06/04/2015 14:15

So she's from Ghana, she's lived in Germany, Italy, Sweden and now wants to live in the UK? Have I missed any countries out? Confused

I'm lost.

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 14:16

She's lived Italy and Switzerland for 3 months. Now wants to come to the UK.

OP posts:
LammilyDoll · 06/04/2015 14:16

Errrm . . . you do have a choice, Lily

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 14:18

I mean if someone tells you they are coming for 6 weeks and you choose to agree. It's different from someone telling you that they are coming for a week and then just overstaying.

OP posts: