To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

[Lilylonglegs]

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

Shaving a 8 month olds head is part of culture? The op hasn't gone somewhere where thats part of the culture she's at her own home. You can't just rock up to someones house and suggest that they shave their babys head. Beyond rude

Wow, tbh I don't think we expected anything more from her.

The boy is still being dragged around and it's not right. OP I think you will have trouble in 4/5 days and again on the 20th.

Ok, OP, you go out and buy a large sliced loaf. And a small bottle of cyanide.

And you let her eat it wherever she likes.

I have been reading all of this - including posting a comment when I thought Houseguest was from Sweden and now I feel that this is a situation of old acquaintances moving apart through life changes and that it has been blown out of proportion by, sorry to say this, the OP.

Your HG was probably hoping to recreate the really good time you both had when you visited her a few years ago - and she was a good enough host back then to even share her bed with you. Unfortunately the warmth of climate and spirit does not transfer so well to our 'grey' shores and OP is a new mother - and it does change us, our responsibilities make us less 'fun', our insular approach to family and children helps us to do this.

OP appeared to feel anxious prior to HGs visit and the 'flexible' dates of arrival flamed this. HG is probably unsure of her own situation (maybe even PG hormonal, usually forgiveable on MN) and was discussing through ideas with what she thought was an 'old friend' but instead OP (old friend) completely freaked out, assuming the worst, came flying onto MN who gave their usual rational responses - SS, police, embassies, etc - driving on OPs anxiety.

My sympathy for OP drained when I imagined the upstairs/downstairs day and that poor 10yr old boy just trying to play with a baby and even that was reacted to badly.

HG has a return ticket, they can't necessarily be changed that easily. Try and make the remaining days of her stay as pleasant as possible for both of you.

Question for you..Do you want her to leave or not...The friendship is over regardless of what happens from here.

You don't need a mediator if you want her out you need to tell her to leave.

that she will go where she is wanted and that she doesn't even want to stay the remaining 4/5 days she is going to try and leave before then

This is your get out clause to kick he rout now....

Why is she still there? Another 4 days, will drag on, then it will be just another 3 days, then another couple. You get the drift.

She's manipulating and using you, she has all the control in this situation- she holds the friendship and the past over your head. Take it back and make her leave now. Real friends don't test each other but then real friends don't take the piss and turn into cock(or in this case fanny!)lodgers.

Float, I disagree. The guest outstayed her welcome by coming early without asking, she ripped on OP for her house/hospitality and moaned about everything. She told lies and then twisted truths to suit herself leaving OP confused and anxious, she tried to guilt the OP into using her things when she has her own. As OP has updated it's got to the point where OP is very anxious and unsure and feels they are a real burden and encroaching, yes it's a shame about the little boy wanting to play with the baby but who says baby wasn't trying to sleep or the boy wasn't being too rough?

OP should have asked her to leave before this, now it's too late- the friendship is gone.

She sounds like an impolite house guest who is using you and letting her son behave badly. It could have been very different

Just to be clear a cock lodger is a man who uses his cock to pay the rent.
In other words he lives with a woman and feels that because he provides her with sex she should in return provide free board and lodging plus domestic services
?
This situation, bad as it is doesn't come into the cocklodge category...does it?

Haha Suzanne do cock lodgers actually exist?? I thought it was just a word for someone taking the piss

Well it IS Missy, but it's taking the piss in a certain specific way :o
I've read about cocklodging scenarios on here, but never actually come across one?

I'm sitting here laughing imagining my oh saying to me "i give you my penis and that's enough"

Indeed, then again some men are deluded enough to believe that there really is a market for men to sell sexual services to women
Then fall victim to the 'male escort agency scam'?

Float are you the guest? You are BU.

The only thing the OP has done wrong is to be too soft, and enabling the HG' s scam.
OP this isn't going to stop after 4 days or a week. She will only leave when you say "Go. Now"
Please do it, for your own sake.

Yes - some people get more anxious than others with changes thrust upon them. However, had HG been visiting me I would definitely have given her my bedroom on arrival and slept on the sofabed myself and been as gracious a host as possible. It isn't inconceivable that language and cultural differences may have led to some of the problems, for example the 'head-shaving'.

She's leaving in 4 days, maybe earlier if she can as OP hasn't actually tried to make her feel as welcome as possible, this situation can be turned around - maybe with as little as a hug, a sorry and shall we start again.

Float, the return ticket is an open date one. Therefore the "guest" could leave tomorrow.

But it isn't a situation that needs to be turned around. The OP owes the house guest nothing.

Ok Icimoi I stand corrected on that one knew I should have taken notes and HG has said she will try and leave earlier. I stand by my comments about blown out of proportion though, yes it's annoying to have someone comment on our home's perceived inadequacies, but these are usually just comments on differences and not to be taken too much to heart.

Actually merry in a way OP does - by her own admission she had a lovely time when she stayed with HG a few years ago

I also suspect the OP was quite welcoming on day 1 and 2.

Apparently she stayed for 4 days and didn't bring children with her. I think they are now quits.

The OP hasn't detailed whether she complained, asked to use expensive electronic equipment, attempted to extend her stay or asked for cash during her visit.

Apparently she was allowed to share a bed, but personally I'd rather sleep on the floor than sleep with an adult with whom I am not romantically involved and wouldn't presume to kick somebody with a young baby out of their bed.

Float if you think the OPs guest was reasonable, that's very worrying about what you'd put up with from your guest. Your ignoring the disrespecting of the OPs house and possessions and all the lies, and the stress the OP has gone through trying to help her visitor only to be told another, different lie.

Personally I think the OPs better off without this user, especially one who manipulates her to stay longer while dissing everything the OP does to help! Did you miss the original OP where she says about the comments on her daughter not walking, the unwanted advice and insisting the OP goes out with her despite an ill baby?

Whoops I thought it was cocklodger because he had a dick, not because he used it for payment Mumsnet needs a gloassary of terms lol.

Just trying to bring another perspective that's all, which I think is valid, and the 'mediating session' didn't throw up anything too horrendous. I've had foreign HGs over the years, and been one, and I can see how the minor might turn major if you get too uptight about things. As a foreign HG I've done a major stomp off myself - easy without a DC in tow. And I have had the HG from hell too (see below) and we all lived, even say hi when we rarely bump into each other. Maybe I'm too worldly-wise.

HG from hell (male, UK national, resident in Spain, mutual friends) stayed with me when DS was about 8mths, after 10 pleasant days they had locked themselves in my lovely bedroom and proceeded to embark on a seriously-alcoholic episode. I was torn between wanting to assist and kicking them out - on advice from Al-Anon I kicked him out - with keys to somewhere else to go. I ended up visiting that place a week later and needed to call an ambulance they were in such a state. The only people I was angry with were mutual friends who hadn't warned me of HGs raging alcoholism. He's off it now, I think.