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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 00:38

I'm BACK!!!

Ok first thing is first. They are still in my house.

Now let me break it down as concisely as possible.

There was horrible tension today. I stayed upstairs with baby and they stayed downstairs, then in the afternoon my mediator came. We all went to town and all the shops were shut so we were going for a pub lunch but she wore unsuitable shoes so couldn't walk far. By the time we got to the pub she sent her son in to ask for the keys, that she wanted to go home as the walk was too far.

I refused and in the end she came in pissed off saying that she was feeling faint blah blah blah. In the end friend/mediator gave her her flat shoes to wear. Then she was saying that she isn't eating as she doesn't have money to spend. In the end a tenner came out and food and drink was bought (cheap pub)

Now during the meal was when EVERYTHING CAME OUT. It started with the mediator asking where she was going when she was leaving mine. She said that her friend who went on holiday is coming back on the 20th. Then mediator ask yes but there is still over a week inbetween, so where will you go? she points at me. I say no way that isn't going to happen. I want my house back. she says, did I steal your house?

Then she says I'm basically mean and a rude host and I bring up all the things she has done that have been offensive and she sys that I hold grudges and she didn't know that friends can't joke with each other. I said that one comment might be considered a joke but continuous complaining about somewhere someone has been kind enough to let you stay is NOT a joke.

She then brings up the fact that she thought I was very rude and mean to her son earlier because he came in my bedroom and kept leaning over me in the bed to play with the baby and I told him to go downstairs. He didn't and then started walking around the room picking up things. I simply asked him to put my things down and go downstairs. she said that my tone was very rude. I said that if her son doesn't listen then I have to correct him. I can't just let him do whatever he wants.

She then said when I came to Italy she was so hospitable that she let me share her bed, she could have dumped me on the sofa but didnt. I take that to mean that she was shocked that they would be sleeping on the sofabed even though I had told her that before she even left Italy. My baby comes in the bed when she wakes up in the night, so how on earth she thought all four of us would share my bed is beyond me.

She claimed that all the insulting comments were a joke and the advice about shaving my daughters head was her being a good friend looking out for me.

She said I have made her feel so uncomfortable. I told her she has made me feel so uncomfortable. She said that when I told her she was a burden she felt like crying.

It ended with her saying if I didn't want her to come I should have just told her. I said that I did want her to come just that when she got here I didn't like her behaviour. she said the last 2 days I have been badgering her about where she is going to go and she only said she was going to stay longer to test me and see what I was going to stay, that she will go where she is wanted and that she doesn't even want to stay the remaining 4/5 days she is going to try and leave before then

There is so much more but that is basically most of it.

We then came back home and she tried to latch onto the mediator and ask if she could go out with her that night, which she declined. There were more things thrown out about "Its good to have good friends" and people kicking you when you are down. You get the drift.

So that is it in a larger than life nutshell.

OP posts:
Andrewofgg · 06/04/2015 00:42

So when does she bloody go?

It's a fortnight, not a week, to 20 April. You have got to say GO NOW and mean it.

Lilylonglegs · 06/04/2015 00:44

She is supposed to leave in 4 days.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 06/04/2015 00:45

I thought she came from Sweden, is it Italy?

Anyway, I think she is going to hang on like a leech unless you actually push her out.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 06/04/2015 00:52

Anyone wanna give the odds on there being a sequel to this thread in about a month's time and shes still there.

Topseyt · 06/04/2015 01:52

OK, four days and then you should help her bag up her stuff and actively show her the door.

Tbh, I don't think I could even stick it for that long. You must have the patience of a saint.

TouchOfNatural · 06/04/2015 02:13

The gall of some guests. I think you've been incredibly patient.

giraffesCantBunnyHop · 06/04/2015 02:55

Bloody hell

Patapouf · 06/04/2015 03:06

Ahh tell her to do one. She's cheeky and rude and she's going to massively take the piss.

KatieKaye · 06/04/2015 06:35

I'm betting she will suddenly have money again today.

evergoingincircles · 06/04/2015 06:41

Thought she came from Sweden, but now its Italy? Hmm

HellKitty · 06/04/2015 06:46

Want to see which way this goes.

FishWithABicycle · 06/04/2015 06:47

Rtft evergoing - op originally gave false countries in order to hide recognisable details and keep this more anonymous. Came clean about actual countries because the actual legal situation in the specific countries became relevant.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 06/04/2015 07:57

Blimeyheck.

So do you think she will definitely go? I am sure she isn't telling the truth about the money....

Do you all communicate in English?

suzannecallmestan · 06/04/2015 08:31

?You are indulging her by listening to all her excuses and negotiations ?

DameEdnasBridesmaid · 06/04/2015 08:45

The mediator just happened to have a pair of flat shoes with her that fit her?

As she doesn't feel comfortable now and wants to leave before the 4/5 days - I would ensure she doesn't forget that comment.

bumbleymummy · 06/04/2015 08:53

I think the mediator gave her her own shoes - not an extra pair.

BabyGanoush · 06/04/2015 08:57

She is playing you.

Wtf is the "testing you" about?!

Friends don't "test" eachother.

Also, she is rude and ungrateful and a bad guest.

You will feel soooooo relieved when she is gone!

Missymum6 · 06/04/2015 08:58

I would of thrown her out after the head shaving comment tbh

suzannecallmestan · 06/04/2015 09:01

She's a whiny nutter

BabyGanoush · 06/04/2015 09:01

The headshaving comment is innocent, they do that in other (latino) cultures.

Everyone told me to do this in Lat Am where my babies were born. Same as earrings on baby girls at birth.

Cultural differences is not the same as rudeness.

Icimoi · 06/04/2015 09:03

The great thing is that it really doesn't matter if she claims you are mean, rude, horrible to her child, a bad host etc: you can say fine, you won't want to stay here any more, Bye.

msgrinch · 06/04/2015 09:06

and after all that she's still on your house. Righto. That's completely not believable.

coconutpie · 06/04/2015 09:13

Ummm ... after all that and she is STILL zithers for another 4-5 days???! After that last conversation, I would be telling her to leave TODAY. It's taking the piss that she now expects your continued hospitality after her latest accusations.

merrymouse · 06/04/2015 09:14

All this talk of mediators and testing implies that you have some kind of long term commitment towards each other - you don't.

Agree with icimoi.