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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To Kick Her Out Of My House Immediately?

967 replies

Lilylonglegs · 03/04/2015 12:04

I have the Houseguest from hell.

I was told before she arrived that she was coming for 2 weeks spending a week with another friend and a week with me. I have an 8 month old baby and she has a ten year old son and is pregnant with dc number 2. A day after she arrived she called to say that she has to leave her friend's house as her friend is going on holiday the next day. I thought this was odd as how can you come from a different country to visit someone and they tell you after you have got there that they are going away?

Nevertheless I told her that I wouldn't be around at that time as I hadn't expected her until 5 days later. She u ummmd and Ahhhhed saying that a hotel was too expensive and that she might as well go back to Sweden where she lives. I agreed with her although in the end she booked a hotel and ended up coming to mine a day sooner than arranged which I really was not too pleased with but is better than coming the 5 days earlier.

When she arrived my DC was with her grandmother so I took them out to a restaurant and invited another friend. We had a really good time. The trouble started the next day. She complained that my house was too small, my toilet is too small, there is no room in there for her to change comfortably, my sofa bed is too small and uncomfortable. I don't have any food containers, she doesn't like the type of food I have. The shops in my area don't sell the type of food she likes. I should have shave my daughters hair off to make it grow. My daughter would walk if she was surrounded by more children as her child walked at 7 months, why don't I feed my child salty pasta and on and on and on.

My daughter has a mild cold and she wants me traipsing around with them, even though I have told her my child is my priority and not her. I probably would have made more effort before her inconsiderate ungrateful behaviour.

Now where it gets worse is that she is saying that she doesn't want to go back to Sweden but wants to live in UK permanently. She is meant to leave in a week but claims money is coming to her account from the father of her unborn DC the day before she is due to leave, which she will use to source an apartment.

The problem is how will she find and move into a place in a week and who will rent a room to a single pregnant mother and child? She can't afford anything more than a room. My fear is that she is trying not to leave my house. She says her friend who went on holiday will let her stay for a few months until she finds her feet, but that friend is not due back for another 3 weeks. I've asked her repeatedly where she will go until her friend comes back as she is leaving mine in a week and she just keeps saying "it will work out" oh and I forgot she has already asked me to lend her £300 when she knows that I am only on maternity pay.

Would I be Unreasonable to just tell her to leave now as I don't think I can take much more of this!

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2015 19:37

I feel sorry for this kid, Mum drags him anywhere she feels like, dad is dumb enough to let it happen. Now she's got her eyes on a strange bloke in Canada.

One of these days, she is gonna put that boy in bad place.

Topseyt · 04/04/2015 19:41

She seems to make a habit of going to stay with people she hardly knows, in places she hardly knows, getting kicked out by them etc. etc. In addition, she turns out to be pregnant, wants to keep it, wants an abortion and is considering having a relationship with someone in Canada as a panacea to all of her woes. Confused

I have never heard of anything or anyone so totally chaotic and unrealistic. She sounds like a disaster looking for a place to happen. Does she even have a home, anywhere or in any country?

NotYouNaanBread · 04/04/2015 19:43

So she's not staying with you tonight, but with a friend? Did you know there was another friend here on the scene? Can she decamp there?

mrsallergy · 04/04/2015 19:44

Why would an Italian mother be reading stuff on a british parenting website anyway? I'm not sure why you felt the need to change the details.

It is technically abduction under the hague convention if the father has not expressly given his permission for the mother to take the child to the UK, even for a holiday.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 04/04/2015 19:45

What if something happened to her, where would that leave this poor boy? In a country where he knows no one. No one knows how long it would take to track his family down.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 19:45

I'll ask again. What are you going to do op?

Fairy13 · 04/04/2015 19:46

Ok I understand the red herring thing has thrown people but I think people's sceptisism is misplaced.
Friend is clearly full of bullshit and spinning yarns left right and centre.

You have no way of knowing what her intentions are or where you figure in her grand plans.

I understand that you feel bad kicking her out before her agreed limit, and while I would be asking her to leave (she has enough money for hotels, she will not be on the street) I do understand why you wouldn't want to and don't think your plan is that unrealistic.

I also understand why you feel that calling the embassy/SS is overkill - the child might not be living a particularly stable exsitence right now but he hasn't missed school yet, realistically he is not being abused or neglected to an extent that would meet any threshold for intervention from SS right now.

I would, however be calling dad to make sure he is aware of the situation.

KatieKaye · 04/04/2015 19:46

She didn't know she was pregnant before she left a few days ago, but yesterday (or the day before) she showed you a rounded belly an you estimated she was 4 months pregnant? You even speculated about twins

how very strange to go from not knowing you are pregnant to looking 4 months gone in just a few days. especially as she's had a child before. Not impossible, of course and rather in line with all of the other strange things on this thread.

funnyface31 · 04/04/2015 19:50

I thought the unborn babies dad (the Bf) was married and that was why your friend left.
You just said woman, golly confused now!

Starlightbright1 · 04/04/2015 19:55

I think she would just go. She managed to find somewhere to stay last night so she can fend elsewhere to go.

GettingEggyWithIt · 04/04/2015 20:03

Very late to thread which is jackanory junior ( no, am not having a go at OP rather her friend who has spun a line or two although masking details is also clearly a bit mad OP)... anyway to confirm that you do indeed need to be resident in Germany for 8 years before you can claim citizenship, have two kids born here without citizenship. Residency means registering and after 3 months on a tourist visa you have to pay for health insurance and it will be backdated if you avoid it. Despite EC/Schengen rules tis bureaucracy unlimited here. As you were.

Fairy13 · 04/04/2015 20:06

eggy nobody has been in Germany.

HFH (houseguest from hell) started in Italy, moved to Switzerland, now in UK.

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2015 20:16

Confusion Central. And a huge amount of drip feeding Hmm. Does your friend speak English, op, or are you translating her tale (badly) from Swedish Italian?
A large portion of it seems to have gotten lost in translation, or your friend is on strong medication, legal or otherwise, which is causing her to hallucinate.

ManicPixieDream · 04/04/2015 20:20

Are you both still out? Is she staying trying her luck elsewhere tonight?

merrymouse · 04/04/2015 20:24

Meanwhile there is a vulnerable ten year old boy sleeping in the homes of strangers, without personal belongings, with no contact with other children, not in school, in a foreign country where he doesn't know anyone except his unstable mother.

Absolutely.

This is not about abduction, it is about a child being at risk. Why wouldn't you be contacting your very good friend's brother and attempting to get some kind of contact details for the other adult who is responsible for this child?

SuggestmeaUsername · 04/04/2015 20:30

Kick her out. She is using you to get to stay in this country. Tell her she needs to leave in 5 days so she needs to sort out her return ticket to Sweden by then. You have enough to deal with without her issues. I would also not let her be alone in your house if you have to go out somewhere. sorry, call me suspicious!

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 04/04/2015 20:44

This Sweden/Germany thing is turning out to be a handy tool to work out who hasn't RTFT. Grin

giraffesCantBunnyHop · 04/04/2015 20:49

I am confused. WHat day is she meant to leave?

LammilyDoll · 04/04/2015 21:08

We're all confused Confused

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 21:17

Because the op ignores any post suggesting she contacts the child's father/uncle/family/school etc. The op refuses to acknowledge posts asking what she's planning on doing. She wanted advice an friend out asap but ignores it and drip feeds random changes. Confused Hmm

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 21:17

That was in reply to merry

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 21:20

I think she is meant to leave at the end of next week....but she arrived earlier than expected at the Op's. Except she is not leaving the Uk. She's going to use the money a man is sending her (don't ask me which fecking one though, the father of the boy, the father of the baby or the online Canadian) to rent a housr and have a termination.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 04/04/2015 21:22

Oh my life, is there an Uncle I need to factor in as well?

Op - are you at home now? Is she?

expatinscotland · 04/04/2015 21:23

This thread is batshit.

msgrinch · 04/04/2015 21:26

"good friends" brother. so I'm thinking uncle or something. God knows. Does anyone know. Grin