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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask why did you have children?

143 replies

Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:29

I have been pondering this for a while. Sorry if this post seems a bit garbled

Sleepless nights at the start followed by the usual stress of having toddlers etc. Massive life changes. Utter exhaustion. Strain on relationships.
One of my children had a life threatening illness for a while and nearly didn't make it. I was living a hellish nightmare with no waking up.
I worry about them most days I guess.
I worry about them going away and being out in the world.
Have had countless days of tantrums, teen dramas, stressful confrontations
Constant battles to get them to help in the house and clean up after themselves.

I love them so much it hurts and I suppose this is why I ask the question.
I didn't plan to have them.... they were the result of poor maths calculations on my part. Was on my own with them for quite a long time.

What actually motivates us to put ourselves through all of it.
I would love to hear other's thoughts
This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
Softcookie · 02/04/2015 19:32

Because not to have them would have been unthinkable.

ItsAllKickingOffPru · 02/04/2015 19:33

Because I wanted to know what it was like. All the reading about it, all the listening to others' experiences couldn't compare to actually doing it.
Wondering what a little bit of me and a little bit of DH would look like. Smile

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 02/04/2015 19:35

Because I like children

Because DH and I wanted to

Because the good stuff outweighs the bad overall

Because we need people to look after us in our dotage Wink

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 02/04/2015 19:37

To be fair, the "I like children" thing has passed a bit now. I like my own children, others not so much [bugrin]

SqueezyCheeseWeasel · 02/04/2015 19:37

Fuckit

Easter Grin
manicinsomniac · 02/04/2015 19:38

By accident/unfortunate incident. All 3 times!

Genuinely never crossed my mind that I'd want children. I thought they'd just change the life I wanted to live and thought I was far too selfish for kids. I also have mental health problems and thought it would be irresponsible to bring up children.

But, seeing as they're here, I love it! Love all three of them to pieces and wouldn't be without them. To be honest I think I'm very very lucky in that I have 3 girls who share my hobbies and interests (or 2 of them do and I'll make the third one when she's old enough!). To a certain extent I suppose I live through them a bit.

StationeryOrdering · 02/04/2015 19:39

Because I didn't want to miss out and was bored of my life

Pilgrimforever · 02/04/2015 19:40

Because contraception failed on 4 occasions and on the 5th we stupidly had sex without using any contraception.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 02/04/2015 19:41

Because I didnt want to not have any. We TTC mid 20s as I wanted to have the best chance fertility-wise. Now we have two and whilst it is hard, it is worth it. I didnt want the choice taken away from me by age, even though I know plenty of people conceive well into their 30s and 40s.

MrsBungle · 02/04/2015 19:41

We were undecided and then I got pregnant by accident so decision made! We had number 2 on purpose as if we were having any at all we wanted more than 1.

Mitzi50 · 02/04/2015 19:43

My body clock went "ping" in my 30s. After years of having little interest in having children, I had this almost primal urge to get pregnant. Luckily it happened very quickly both times

FennyBridges · 02/04/2015 19:43

Boredom. Needed some fun which was fulfilling as opposed to empty and shallow.

My life is definitely not boring. And it's also fulfilling.

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:44

So true Soft

OP posts:
snowgirl1 · 02/04/2015 19:44

Because DH said he thought we might regret not at least trying. I'm sooo glad he gave me the nudge. I had been put off by lots of peoples moans of sleepless nights etc. The joy parenthood has brought me is what would make me want to do it again and again, and more than makes up for the sleepless nights etc.

I recognise that I might have felt very differently if I'd done it on my own or had a seriously ill child...and I'm not looking forward to the teenage years!

feckitall · 02/04/2015 19:46

innocence and naivety ...thought I could carry on as before 'but with kids' ...oh god...Easter Blush

I have regretted my stupidity ever since...but I do love my kids....but life hasn't turned out how I envisaged though..

calmexterior · 02/04/2015 19:47

Because I wanted a family lifestyle I guess.

TheCatAteMyEasterEgg · 02/04/2015 19:47

Well, we were bored, and it was either that that or tile the bathroom.

Also all our friends with children said my DH and me would be hopeless as parents - and that's like a red rag to a bull, to us

Who's laughing now, bitches? Easter Wink

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 02/04/2015 19:49

Cause I really hate my vagina. And sleep.

ApocalypseThen · 02/04/2015 19:49

I always felt I wanted to be a mam. I never even tried smoking because I knew it was bad for a baby in my teens. Despite that, it seemed like it wasn't going to happen for me but it has and it's the thing that makes me feel most fulfilled. There's nothing like seeing them blossom from babies into real people with personalities and interests and passions of their own.

LadyGregory · 02/04/2015 19:50

Honestly, after twenty very happy, consciously childfree years with my partner, we conceived DS on a mad whim. Deeply uncharacteristic move for two people who had never planned to have a child.

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:51

There really is such joy and such despair at times.
I remember someone gave me a card when my daughter was ill which had the words 'The pain now is part of the happiness then.... that is the deal'

I was a bit Hmm when I read it but I think she was trying to get me to see the bigger picture and that is was all part of being a parent.

OP posts:
BlacknWhitePanda · 02/04/2015 19:51

Ds was an accident, and getting rid of him was an unthinkable thing. I don't regret him though although its hard. It gave us the riot act though as dp and i sorted our lives out.

HighwayDragon · 02/04/2015 19:51

Pill failed

HowDoesThatWork · 02/04/2015 19:52

Genetic imperative.

MommyBird · 02/04/2015 19:53

I didn't want children. I was very selfish. I liked my freedom and wine.

Then I found out I was pregnant. And I was happy. Hmm

I've never felt love like it. I have 2 DDs now and would love 1 more. They have changed me, they make me want to be a better person. vom

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