Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask why did you have children?

143 replies

Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:29

I have been pondering this for a while. Sorry if this post seems a bit garbled

Sleepless nights at the start followed by the usual stress of having toddlers etc. Massive life changes. Utter exhaustion. Strain on relationships.
One of my children had a life threatening illness for a while and nearly didn't make it. I was living a hellish nightmare with no waking up.
I worry about them most days I guess.
I worry about them going away and being out in the world.
Have had countless days of tantrums, teen dramas, stressful confrontations
Constant battles to get them to help in the house and clean up after themselves.

I love them so much it hurts and I suppose this is why I ask the question.
I didn't plan to have them.... they were the result of poor maths calculations on my part. Was on my own with them for quite a long time.

What actually motivates us to put ourselves through all of it.
I would love to hear other's thoughts
This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:53

Cause I really hate my vagina. And sleep. Grin

it was either that that or tile the bathroom Yep.... I can sort of relate to that Smile

OP posts:
LadyGregory · 02/04/2015 19:53

Interesting responses. See, having no children was absolutely thinkable for us, to the extent we had planned not to have any. And I seemingly don't have a biological clock, and have never felt broody in my life. I still think of us as 'naturally childfree' people who happened to decide to have a baby on a whim. He's ten kinds of fabulous.

HappydaysArehere · 02/04/2015 19:57

I can honestly remember wondering why I hadn't had a couple if dogs instead of the battling pair I could hear upstairs. There was our lovely dog
As good as gold looking at me with those lovely eyes. Never mind, the grandchildren are great.

OhMyActualDays · 02/04/2015 19:58

Utterly a biological urge for me. I couldn't imagine not having one. Now she is four, I can't imagine having another... My biological urge was soon satisfied!

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:00

I never in a million years thought I would have kids..... I just didn't want them. I thought I was to selfish to have them. I worried for ages while pregnant that I wouldn't love them.

OP posts:
notquiteruralbliss · 02/04/2015 20:01

Decided to have one on pretty much a whim and rather liked it so had some more.

MehsMum · 02/04/2015 20:03

Deep visceral need.
Loved the children I'd looked after.

I must have been mad to have had more than 2, but they are bloody lovely.

MoominKoalaAndMiniMoom · 02/04/2015 20:05

Accident. Turned out to be a happy one :)

LokiBear · 02/04/2015 20:05

I was happily sailing through my 20 ' s, got married and was overtaken by the sudden, desperate need to have a baby. I'm utterly convinced it was hormonal. I'm glad I did; my kid is great. Number 2 will not be conceived under the same circumstances though. I'm happy with 1. However, DH desperately wants another. I have list of reasons as to why another kid will be great. However, I'm battered and bruised emotionally from dd having colic. Number two will happen, but I'm in no rush!

tumbletumble · 02/04/2015 20:05

I always wanted children. From a very young age.

Ragwort · 02/04/2015 20:05

I never wanted to have a child, and discussed it very carefully with my DH before we married, he agreed yet after 12 years he changed his mind and suggested we 'try' for a baby in our 40s - I went along with his suggestion (yes, totally my own decision) - we had a child - but it is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, I find it utterly, totally emotionally draining. The financial side, the loss of career - that doesn't bother me at all but I do find the rest of it very, very tough. Fortunately DH loves his role as a Dad and is a wonderful father, but I really don't think I made the right decision. Sad.

I would love to say that having a child is the best thing that ever happened in my life, but it really isn't and I feel desperately sad for my DC and just hope that my 'good enough' parenting is enough. My dearest friend is a wonderful mother, she lives and breathes through her children who are now grown up (actually I wonder if that really is the best way to be a mother) but I want to scream at her 'don't you want to do anything else with your life?'

BeaufortBelle · 02/04/2015 20:06

Because in my heart and inner psyche all I ever wanted was to be a mummy and it was a feeling that grew bigger as I got older. I felt like that from the first memories of my consciousness. I loved my dollies when I was a little girl.

Those feelings grew as I got older. I didn't have my first until I was 34 and it was a bit of a battle. Eventually we had two but planned at least three or four. I have felt blessed since the day I became a mother. They are my soul, my hopes, my dreams, the core of my inner being and I always knew it would be like that - the only bit I didn't really expect was just how much I would love them and how miraculous it would all be.

TheWordFactory · 02/04/2015 20:10

Biology innit.

gointothewoods · 02/04/2015 20:11

Held my younger sister's first child and something went "wow" in my brain and I knew for the first time that a child was in my future. Had never been in any way broody before that. I was 32.
I didn't realise it would take me approximately 6 years to achieve that goal but it was worth every tear, injection, fanny camera, and thousands of pounds. Grin
It's still shit hard being a parent though.

TheCatAteMyEasterEgg · 02/04/2015 20:14

I never in a million years thought I would have kids

My DH thought that for many reasons, I wasn't so certain.

I think he's done great job, personally, but he's his own harshest critic. Why be so hard on yourself, when the rest of the world is queuing up to judge? Easter Confused

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:14

Lovely reading all of these Smile

OP posts:
toffeeboffin · 02/04/2015 20:16

I had an early miscarriage. It was then that I realized how much I wanted a baby. Luckily I got pregnant a month afterwards. DS is wonderful and now life is so full and every day is magical.

BeatriceBumble · 02/04/2015 20:19

Child Benefit.

ExitStageLeft · 02/04/2015 20:20

Interesting thread.

I always wanted children, I wanted to be a Mum, I wanted to nurture my own children and DH and I had rather quite a lot of fun doing the party lifestyle. I wanted to add another dimension to our relationship and extend my family.

It's not really how I imagined but I wouldn't change it.

bigTillyMint · 02/04/2015 20:21

I wanted to have/ be part of a family.

And I like children. Now teens....

StillStayingClassySanDiego · 02/04/2015 20:23

We both wanted a baby then enjoyed him so much we had more of tne buggers!

Ragwort · 02/04/2015 20:23

DS is wonderful and now life is so full and every day is magical.

When you say 'life is so full' - what exactly do you mean? Not being sarky but genuinely interested.

My life was 'full' before I had a child - interesting career, lots of voluntary work (ironically with children Grin), lovely home, spending time with family and friends, nice holidays.

What makes it 'more full' to have a child?

AmberLav · 02/04/2015 20:24

Because when I was 8, I decided I was going to die in my bed surrounded by grieving grandchildren! Sort of needed to have children first!

I think it was one of those imperatives, and life would be lacking without them...!

HazleNutt · 02/04/2015 20:26

because I was worried I'd regret it down the line if I didn't have them. Not the best reason, I guess..

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:28

I often wonder how it would have been if I had had their dad around. My early memories are pretty hellish.
I just can't put into words that feeling when you look at their face for the first time.
I am constantly terrified of something happening to them.
To go from not wanting kids to be willing to lay down your life for them in a heartbeat is quite something.

OP posts: