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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask why did you have children?

143 replies

Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 19:29

I have been pondering this for a while. Sorry if this post seems a bit garbled

Sleepless nights at the start followed by the usual stress of having toddlers etc. Massive life changes. Utter exhaustion. Strain on relationships.
One of my children had a life threatening illness for a while and nearly didn't make it. I was living a hellish nightmare with no waking up.
I worry about them most days I guess.
I worry about them going away and being out in the world.
Have had countless days of tantrums, teen dramas, stressful confrontations
Constant battles to get them to help in the house and clean up after themselves.

I love them so much it hurts and I suppose this is why I ask the question.
I didn't plan to have them.... they were the result of poor maths calculations on my part. Was on my own with them for quite a long time.

What actually motivates us to put ourselves through all of it.
I would love to hear other's thoughts
This is a genuine question.

OP posts:
Plarail123 · 02/04/2015 20:30

BF (now DH) came home and said he wanted a child.

Tobyjugg · 02/04/2015 20:34

'Cos DW was made redundant and once we'd blown her payoff (boy was that a good year!) it was either start a family or she'd have to get another job.

Writerwannabe83 · 02/04/2015 20:34

Because the thought of creating something that was half me and half DH felt amazing.

ScotsWhaHae · 02/04/2015 20:35

Because I fell pregnant!

I was 22, so was dh, and we'd been together for 4 years when we got a surprise! It was a bit quicker than we'd have planned, we knew we'd like them at some point.

ByTheWishingWell · 02/04/2015 20:35

I never wanted children, and had been upfront about that with DP. We had a contraceptive failure and booked a termination. There were all kinds of delays, and when the time finally came I couldn't go through with it. We weren't ready for a baby, but suddenly the alternative was unthinkable.

As soon as I had my daughter, I honestly felt like the world made more sense. I had never known that it was possible to love someone that much. I did a lot of growing up very quickly because I wanted to be a better person for her, and she is so worth it. She's just the best little person, she amazes me every day.

PeachyPants · 02/04/2015 20:35

BeatriceBumble Grin. I don't know whether it was genes or social conditioning but I've always had a deep, desperate need to have children. I remember being on holiday when I was about 8 and a little toddler coming over to me and me crying when I had to leave him because I felt so desperately broody even then.

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:37

You sound just like my daughter Peachy Smile

OP posts:
Varya · 02/04/2015 20:37

In love and wanted children.

fattymcChocolateEgg · 02/04/2015 20:40

I was 16 when I got pregnant with DS. I wanted someone who would love me unconditionally. I wanted to be needed. selfish really. DD was a, admittedly happy, accident-ish. (split with DSs dad, ONS with him, stupidly didn't use protection) DS2 is a proper accident. (i am happy about this one too!) DD was ten months old, me and the ex (DCs dad) were trying to make things work and contraception failed us. im now 24 weeks pregnant, with a 6 yo, a 15 month old and I am single, but I wouldn't change it for anything.

PeachyPants · 02/04/2015 20:42

I think my mum was worried I was going to have a baby when I was very young Cantbelievethisishappening but I did wait until I was 28 before popping out my 1st Grin.

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:44

I was 16 when I got pregnant with DS. I wanted someone who would love me unconditionally.

Not selfish fatty but can be a common feeling amongst teenage mums IME

OP posts:
itsnotmeitsyou1 · 02/04/2015 20:44

Because I already had stretch marks from years of yoyo weight. I'd rather have a decent excuse for them, better than 'can't keep to a diet more than 6 months'. Plus I'm comprising with my partner. He wanted 2, I wanted 0. So we're just having the one, then a puppy. Everyone wins!

Original poster
Cantbelievethisishappening · 02/04/2015 20:45

Peachy My daughter has been obsessed with babies since she was 3. She is 16 now and I have to admit Ive had to have a few quite frank talks with her.

OP posts:
UAprilFool · 02/04/2015 20:47

I always knew I wanted kids and a family. I told DH within days of starting dating him that I wanted kids at some stage. 30 years later our beautiful kids are now adults. Kids are so much fun even if they are a worry at times.

Andanotherthing123 · 02/04/2015 20:47

Like peachy I wanted a baby since being a little girl. I've 3 now and would totally love another. I just love their cuteness when they're babies and then how they chat on as they grow up. It's so easy to make a child happy that it makes me feel happy myself. Children just make sense to me in a way the rest of the world doesn't.

QOD · 02/04/2015 20:49

I wanted a family of my own. DM lived abroad, dh had a FAMILY (i know now they are of the Eastenders fecking nightmare sort)
I wanted my neice ans nephews to be my children's cousins.
Ended up with 1 non bio child (straight surrogate)

DoJo · 02/04/2015 20:49

Because I knew if I had any I'd want more than one, then I counted back from 35 (as a rough guide to fertility) and realised that if if I wanted more than one I would have to get cracking. I wasn't 'broody' so much as I was interested to know what it would be like and I didn't want to miss the chance. Since about 10 minutes after he was born (before the spinal wore off) I thought I could have a million just like him and still want more.

needaholidaynow · 02/04/2015 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyGregory · 02/04/2015 20:50

Ragwort, lots of what you say resonates strongly with me. It was probably more DH's whim than mine, though I take full responsibility for deciding to have a child after a million years together without a thought of it, and although I adore our son, I'm definitely not a 'natural mother', if by that we mean someone who is fulfilled by child rearing. It does bother me that my career has taken a knock back. I am genuinely uncomprehending of how other parents can find the round of toddler activities anything other than dire, and I don't understand how anyone could be a SAHP for a week without going mad. I'm doing an ok job as a mother, because DS is brilliant and deserves the best I can muster, but it's not my natural bent.

Bonsoir · 02/04/2015 20:54

A by-product of lust/passion.

Goldenbear · 02/04/2015 20:59

I had a great career in politics, a really amazing social life etc.but to me those things represent a kind of mundane happiness- they are a checklist of things that by their nature represent a 'fulfilled' life but they do not represent 'genuine' 'heartfelt' joy that I feel from just living with DC- moments where you observe their beauty, their curiosity, their innocence. They represent 'life' and that is ongoing, not a series of objectives to fulfill that equal 'happiness'.

SignoraStronza · 02/04/2015 21:01

Dc1, because, to be honest, had left behind a career in the UK and (although working) was bored. Plus I'd had PID which I'd ignored for ages before AB treatment (from badly inserted mirena) and was convinced I was infertile anyway. One cycle later....

Dcs 2&3, I'd got together with my now dh, the absolute love of my life. I've always known he wanted kids and it was part of the deal so to speak.

ladymalfoy · 02/04/2015 21:02

Because my DH and I love each other and wanted to make a beautiful person together. It took us 3 years but she was sooo worth the wait. Nothing to do with being immortal or making sure we had stamped our footprints in the world.

marshmallowpies · 02/04/2015 21:03

I was 14 when I saw my new born baby cousin in an incubator and I knew at that moment I wanted to be a mum one day. I had the baby hunger from that moment.

It absolutely drove me from that point onwards - my career was always just marking time until I could start a family. I'm sure it might have been different if I'd had a career I enjoyed, but it made me very unhappy and I was desperate to step off the career ladder.

Weirdly the baby hunger was cured immediately by having Dd1 - I no longer look yearningly at other peoples babies, even once she was well out of the baby phase. It was a wonderful feeling to no longer have that sad aching hole inside when I saw a newborn baby or a pregnant woman - because now I HAVE my baby. Having a second has been the icing on the cake - I never imagined I'd be lucky enough to have a second child at 38.

Just because I always wanted to be a mum does not mean I think I'm some awesome super domestic mum goddess; I don't think I'm nearly as good a mum as I could be or the best mum I know by any means, but I do know it has been the best thing that ever happened to me.

FatSwan · 02/04/2015 21:04

I always wanted children-even at 5 I asked my teacher what jobs I could do and still be at home with my children. (I know...)

I wanted 4-I have one. I love her more than anything but often feel like a shitty mother. She's 2.5. I've been told this will pass. I can only hope so!

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