to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

[ConfusedintheNorth]

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

Am I the only person still trying to work out how the OP's schedule as she describes it upthread actually fits into a normal day?

OP, could you give us some kind of timetable because using your description, I'd run out of hours by bath-time

Welcome to Smugsville. Population:You.

Is it me you are ranting at fourteen

I can sort of see what the OP is saying.

I had to return to work when DD was 6 weeks old as we are a low income family and surviving on DP's wage alone was not an option. To get around the cost of childcare I worked evenings and well into the night, so I fulfilled the SAH role and then had to go out and earn money to pay the mortgage on top. I was FUCKING DELIRIOUS with exhaustion right up until she started school.

Then I'd log in to Facebook and read countless posts from women who don't have to work bemoaning their lot. It was so, so hard to take.

Was 100% jealousy though and happy to admit that :)

I'm ranting at everyone slithy

I'll be hiding the thread now I think

Yep, up early and do a couple of hours on computer before kids got up, once kids up, and couple of hours HE, lunch, let them play for a hour or so whilst I checked emails and did some house work, trip to shops/park,whereever, another couple of hours HE, dinner,bath,bed, 3-5 hours work once they were down.

I've been both. Some days it's harder to work full time, some days it's harder to be a SAHP. Why oh why do we always have to talk about parenting choices in such competitive, black and white terms? You do your best and I'll do mine and if that means you think I'm an inferior person to you then you can piss right off to your home office and crack on with your ever so efficient life.

yeah... I'm willing to admit there may well be an element of jealousy in this, I'd have killed to have a husband, nice house, freedom from work, etc...

We should stop fighting amongst ourselves and gang up on the FB posts from our single, childless friends who moan about how tired and broke they are!

What happened to women being nice to one another? To supporting one another's choices, to doing the smiley-nod thing when you see another Mama working her arse off because you just know she's had the battle from hell that day?

Why the fuck does any woman need to berate or undermine the choices another woman makes which have no bearing on her own life? Is it, by any chance, so she can sit smugly in her chair feeling that, yes, she absolutely is better than 72% of the rest of womankind?

It's not working. Women who take cheap shots at other women are, frankly, letting the side down. Bad enough that there are so many misogynist men out there not pulling their weight and undermining women's choices, we're actually doing it to one another. No thank you. I think Mums who stay at home are fucking spectacular. I think Mums who work are fucking spectacular. I think Mums who bitch about other Mums are the ones lacking.

I agree with op. My SIL complains about bring busy all the time. What she does between the hours of 0900 and 1500 is beyond me whilst her child is at school. She has a a cleaner and gardner but honestly these threads never end well.

Someone will come along shortly and list out all the tasks they do all day I.e stacking the dishwasher, ironing etc. as though working parents don't do any of these jobs at all!

Like I said earlier (and probably should have in original post) I don't think being a SAHM is better/worse than being a working mum... I just think occasionally people should be thankful for the things they have. I guess maybe it's not the whole "oh how hard my life is" complaints that get to me... it's people taking things for granted.

Standing here ironing Hillingdon, admittedly not well because it's almost 10pm but I'm putting in the work! (Also just loaded the dishwasher for a second time tonight).

The only bit of the rhetoric in the WOHMs vs SAHMs debate that I have a tiny problem with is the idea that SAHMs work 365 / 24 / 7 without holidays whereas WOHMs get holidays. I think if you're going to describe parenting as a "job" then you have to accept that WOHMs have two jobs - the one outside the home and parenting which together add up to the same amount of "work" in a week as SAHMs.

I'll also say that, except for on parenting forums and occasionally Facebook, I don't think I've ever discussed this issue with anyone because most people, quite frankly, don't give a fuck what anyone else is doing.

I've been both, I'd never see my children as a job. I love them and chose to have them, I hate the phrase a sahm is a full time job like its a burden or chore.

3-5 hours work after they went to bed, then up early to do two hours work before they woke up?

I smell something and it ain't roses

BruthasTortoise - What you said ^

If you work, then for those 8 hours or whatever a day, you are not tidying up after a child, making lunch, changing endless nappies, being amazingly entertaining at pretending to be zoo animals, and the list goes on. Someone else is doing that for you. As their job

The stuff you do when you get home, the sahm does too, just on a different timeframe.

So no, it's not the equivalent.

Having been a SAHP and a single working mum I agree with this. The things I had to do at home were condensed into a few hours.

When I was a SAHP I had more time to do things without the mad rush. I was more disorganised staying at home than I was when I was working as I had no set time to get things done by. I did have two toddlers and a baby when I was a SAHP though instead of one toddler. I was NEVER organised with three of them. My perfectly organised times and life went to ratshit. It was like trying to herd cats

Start at 5:30am, they were up at around 7:30, they were in bed at 8:30 which easily gave me 4 hours before I needed to sleep...???

What's with all the "no loo and tea break posts" from the SAHM's?

I was a SAHM to one child until he was 2, then DS2 came along and I stayed at home until he was 4. I drank plenty of tea, ate plenty of biscuits and managed toilet breaks!

Yes, it can be hard at times, but not all the time. Well it wasn't in my case, I've done the SAHM thing, the P/T work and F/T work. I've done it when DHs has been here and when he has been away for 6 months at a time. I've done it my way, I didn't need validation from anyone else. I take what people put on Fb and Twitter with a pinch of salt. Just suit yourself and bugger the rest of them!

I'm a stay at home mother and a lot of people would probably look at my life and think I've got it fairly easy: nice house, dh earning enough so I don't have to work, two kids under four. But it's the sheer mind numbing strength sapping monotony of spending all day every day with little people and their constant demands which I find hard. I don't feel particularly cut out for motherhood and frequently worry I'm screwing my children up. So i might post something on Facebook to get moral support or affirmation that I'm maybe good enough at this after all.

But according to you i should count my lucky stars and shut up. Try being less judgmental and more supportive. Or hide their posts.

Being a SAHM does not involve the frantic get everyone up & ready for breakfast club, then do a full day at work, then the pick up from after school club, then get home and start preparing food before homework supervision etc! It is far more exhausting working outside the home than in!

*Charlotte3333 spot on!

Is this equality for women, slagging off SAHMs whilst making out that working mums are superior?

Any mum that cares about her kids and makes the best provision they can for them is a super mum, whether that be caring for them directly or using any other form of childcare. Life is not black and white, circumstances differ enormously.

Of all the jobs I've had, being a mum is the hardest job. Sometimes I love it so much I could cry, sometimes I'm glad to be in work, contributing and providing for my family and using my skills in a different way than playing trains or crafting.

Have a

Perhaps SAHM could be more supportive of working mums as well then? Because I frequently see us almost being talked down to on here because we 'pay' people to look after our kids.