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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
maddening · 01/04/2015 21:19

Those doing full time childcare are doing a full time job just like anyone else.

SoupDreggon · 01/04/2015 21:20

"quick a mother who doesn't think its the hardest thing in the world... obviously a troll or attention seeking"

I don't think you're a troll or attention seeking, I think you are exceptionally rude, ignorant and narrow minded. HTH!

TrixieB123 · 01/04/2015 21:20

If looking after kids isn't a job, then what the hell am I paying my childminder for?

SoupDreggon · 01/04/2015 21:22

Further up the thread a poster said a SAHM starts as soon as her kids get up and doesn't end for 12-14 hours. What do you think working mothers do? Leave them to fend for themselves?

I think they outsource the childcare to someone else rather than doing it themselves.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 21:22

What's the point in the POOR ME! posts?

Everyone finds different things hard. Everyone experiences things differently. Everyone does the right thing for them.

So what? Seriously?

maddening · 01/04/2015 21:23

Slithy - you might want to keep a stash of those biscuits as supplies incase you get glued under a 6mth old that drops off on you but stirs at the slightest attempt to leave :)

99pokerface · 01/04/2015 21:23

Add message | Report | Message poster TwinkieTwinkle Wed 01-Apr-15 21:19:33

My child is two son unless working mothers leave their children to wonder the streets or take them into work they have PAID childcare their for you are not doing the same you paying somone else to do the childcare wilest your in your job

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 21:25

I could understand people getting so offended at the original post, if I wasn't speak as someone who'd actually done it! I'm also not saying being a SAHM is better/worse than being a working mum, it's up to the individual. What I'm saying is it get's really old and frustrating seeing mums with set-ups that some would kill for acting like every day is endless torture.

OP posts:
teacupnic · 01/04/2015 21:25

Rather than coming across so smugly, perhaps you could offer some tips to those of us who might be struggling, as frankly I would love to know how you managed to be so amazing...

slithytove · 01/04/2015 21:25

Whoever said it was akin to slavery is right. I am at the beck and call of two tiny people at the expense of my own health and mental health somedays

Good thing they are cute

bonbonbonbon · 01/04/2015 21:26

I'm 32 weeks pregnant with twins. If I were doing paid work, I'd be on maternity leave by now. Instead I am chasing around a toddler. I'm exhausted, I have to take my boss with me everywhere I go (including the toilet 80 million times a day), don't get a lunch break, etc doing the SAHM thing 12 hours a day until DH gets home and does bedtime.

EVERY PARENT is a working parent.

TwinkieTwinkle · 01/04/2015 21:27

Sorry, I was talking about school age, since the OP's children are (I'm assuming). So I do the whole morning routine, drop off, work and pick up three days a week. I know SAHM of children school age and they love it. They say it's a wonderful life.

PilchardPrincess · 01/04/2015 21:27

These threads are bizarre.

Do we really need half a dozen of them every week?

LaurieFairyCake · 01/04/2015 21:27

Oh god, it's like everything - tasks and jobs take as much time as you dedicate to it.

So when I was at home I baked (a lot), cleaned (a lot), went to a lot of medical appointments and meetings.

Now I can't be fucked doing it all 'really well', instead I just do 'some'. So it's a lot easier.

But I definitely used to be busy because I made a really good job out of it and spent a lot of time doing it.

slithytove · 01/04/2015 21:28

She is asleep in her crib madd :) thank god for calpol

capsium · 01/04/2015 21:28

Surely us working, single mothers do the equivalent of what SAHM do, in addition to a career?

As I said in my earlier post they actually might not. Gardening, growing fruit and vegetables, preserving them. House maintenance can be a lot of work, depending in the size of property. They could keep chickens, make clothes and gifts. Make wine and beer, home remedies. Bake bread . They could care for lots of people.

You can only look at individual situations.

Feckeggblue · 01/04/2015 21:29

Different people have different ideas about what is hard and what is easy. I'm sure we all know lazy people, easy overwhelmed people, people who can achieve huge amounts. You can't compare

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 01/04/2015 21:29

See comments like your annoy me on a major freeekin way. I shouldnt have opened your thread but I guess my curiosity beat me. But as I have. Here goes.....
motherhood is the most difficult job in the world. Yet it is often undermined and seen as a hobby or an inconvenience. If a mum wants to stay home and raise her children then that's up to her. Not you. Not me. A mothers duty is to her children not to you.
Make no mistake motherhood is a job
Heaven forbid if you died the government would have to pay someone a lot of money to care for your children.
Which brings me to the question. Why is it all of a sudden a job the minute your looking after someone else's kids.
Oh in case you've not gathered from my post IMO. YABVU

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 21:29

teacup, maybe I should have worded OP better, I wasn't implying my life was all rainbows and sunshine, it was bloody hard... I wasn't "being amazing" I was doing what I had to because there was no other option. As for tips erm... coffee, lots of lists and a daily schedule you stick to like your life depended on it, lol.

OP posts:
fourteen · 01/04/2015 21:29

So what? So fucking what?

Who cares what you call it? Who cares if it's work or not work, or what the fuck?

It's hard, fine, we all accept that. It can be hard. Working can be hard, staying at home can be hard. Who cares if you call staying at home working or just being at home or if you call it blue and green spots with bells on?

Some things are hard. Both working and looking after children can be hard.

End of debate!

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 01/04/2015 21:30

See, I get what you mean OP, although the way you say it sounds very judgmental of those who chose to be parents full time.

You choose to stay home and raise the kids, that you chose to have. That isn't a 'job', but I appreciate it's 'hard work'.

Of course, most stay at home parents just get on with it, as most parents who go to work do. Very few extremes either end, as in Miss 'I work full time, raise my kids, do all the housework, go to the gym, found a cure for cancer, I'm so amazing' to 'I am a full time mum, that means I'm a teacher, doctor, mechanic, chef, gardener and have more arms than Shiva, I'm not just a sahp, I'm everything'. Those two types are very irritating, like I said, most people just get on with it, without annoying or judging the other side.

Iwillorderthefood · 01/04/2015 21:31

Wow just wow. I am 9 months in to baby number three and am starting to dream about going back to work. It's hard at home, since you are totally on your own. Yes I onout and have coffee etc, but effectively everything I do is done alone. I have no back up with discipline, which is now turning into a whole new heap of scary now my first child appears to be on the brink of puberty. Yes two of them are in school, but the sheer loneliness of it, coupled with the relentless demands that only children can make are what makes this hard for me.

I thrive on social stimulation and variety in my day to day life, and love not being dependent on my partner for cash. Being a SAHM makes me feel out of control, dependent and totally in demand all the time.

Threads like this do not even begin to scratch the surface of how complex being either a working or stay at home parent is. They don't help either.

UAprilFool · 01/04/2015 21:32

Oh flip and there I was thinking it was a job. Now I understand why my DH wouldn't accept my resignation. Sad

slithytove · 01/04/2015 21:32

Surely us working, single mothers do the equivalent of what SAHM do, in addition to a career?

If you work, then for those 8 hours or whatever a day, you are not tidying up after a child, making lunch, changing endless nappies, being amazingly entertaining at pretending to be zoo animals, and the list goes on. Someone else is doing that for you. As their job.

The stuff you do when you get home, the sahm does too, just on a different timeframe.

So no, it's not the equivalent.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 21:33

Why would you care if it's equivalent? Why does it matter?