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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
chickenfuckingpox · 01/04/2015 21:10

you have just earned my first ever

Biscuit
toomuchtooold · 01/04/2015 21:10

When I went back to work when my twins were 2 it was like a giant lovely rest.

YABU OP, and you know it. You HEd and ran a business? Well done, here's your Star, as they've no medals.

Silentelf · 01/04/2015 21:11

I work part time and have 1 day off with my toddlers in the week. It's the most exhausting day for me! So you are right, sahms don't work full time it's much much more than that

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 21:12

It was all internet based selling and customer service, basically working from home office, up early couple of hours, then kids up a few hours of HE, let them play for a few hours whilst I caught up emails and House work, trip to park/shop/whatever, a little more HE, bath and bed, last of house work, and another 3-5 hours in office.

OP posts:
FingerBlastingFun · 01/04/2015 21:12

I pay a CM to look after my child whilst I work so I definitely don't do everything a SAHM does as well as working.

AnnieLewis · 01/04/2015 21:12

Wow. Just Wow. I know its April FOOLs day but really? OP I hope you have a hard hat handy. Amazed that you have time to start a bunfight whilst dicking about on MN when you clearly have such a busy and fulfilling life.

What age are your kids?

Myplateiswhite · 01/04/2015 21:13

I'm another one on mat leave with two children under 3. I honestly can say my job is WAY easier than being a SAHM. Going back to work after my first was a bit of a break to be honest where I could at least eat lunch/have a conversation etc without constant demands. There is no way I would have time to run my own business (unless i gave up sleep (and that is broken several times most nights)). Having said that, I love being at home with them. It's a lot of hard work, and I give it my full focus but it's worth it.

Discopanda · 01/04/2015 21:13

Orrrrrrr what about we all give each other a bit of credit, whether you stay at home or go out to work, it's a bloody tough job. (FWIW, I'm a SAHM but I also work from home after DD has gone to sleep)

justmyview · 01/04/2015 21:13

OP - I'm a little Hmm about you saying that you previously HE'd whilst also working FT. Other than that, I think you do make a valid point, but you'll get torn apart for saying it on here.

Round here, lots of Mums get a dog when their youngest child goes to school, so they can justify staying at home. They all get together during the day for coffee & cake. I have no difficulty with this. Each to his own etc, but I agree with you that, SAHM seems like a doddle compared with working

MistressMerryWeather · 01/04/2015 21:13

I think only SAHMs should be able to park in parent and child spaces because they use them more. Easter Smile

Now you can shout BINGO Maryz.

While I run away.

Original poster
ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 21:14

apparently IWBU to expect any sort of sensible discussion... "quick a mother who doesn't think its the hardest thing in the world... obviously a troll or attention seeking"

OP posts:
brightnearly · 01/04/2015 21:14

...and another Biscuit from me.

You already got a Star, well done for being so much better than the SAHMs on Facebook.

Yawn.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 21:15

I'll say what I always say on these threads.

I don't give a fuck whether you, or anyone else stays at home, goes out to work, works from home, works part time, or spends their evenings down the pub with the kids eating crisps in the car.

I don't expect you to either care or judge what I do with my own children.

Let's all just do what works for us shall we? And leave off the pissing contest.

Right?

NoRockandRollFun · 01/04/2015 21:15

99 Grin. Seriously though, I would love to know.

fourteen · 01/04/2015 21:17

I'll tell you what, Confused.

Why don't you, on joining a chat forum, have a bit of respect and scrape a few manners together, have a bit of a scout about, maybe an advanced search or two of subjects close to your heart.

Gauge the general temperature of the site, then post in a thoughtful and respectful manner.

You might actually get some decent conversation.

WayfaringStranger · 01/04/2015 21:17

"And breath" (SIC) indeed. Wink

slithytove · 01/04/2015 21:17

No it's not a full time job. If it was I could have taken today as sick leave instead of battling through with the flu and d&V, and a 6 month old and 2 year old.

Equally I might be able to have a loo or tea break once in awhile.

Biscuit
mommy2ash · 01/04/2015 21:18

ive been a sahm and ive worked full time. i found working full time a million times harder. i had a dd to sort out in the mornings, childcare to organise, my working day to be completed, back home to sort out dd again then all the housework and a few hours sleep per night.

being a sahm was great. i never classed it as work it didn't feel like that to me. i guess everyone is different.

PtolemysNeedle · 01/04/2015 21:18

SAHMs who have two or more under three are doing a full time job, but beyond that, especially when they start going to pre school, it's really not that hard so I partly agree with you OP.

I was a single, mostly SAHM to two with an age gap of two years, one has ASD and I worked either one day a week or a couple of mornings until they were both junior school age. It was lovely, I had loads of time to do stuff and it certainly didn't feel like a full time job.

Beth2511 · 01/04/2015 21:18

Can safely say that having worked some damn difficult physical jobs but being a mum has been by far the hardest

capsium · 01/04/2015 21:18

It can be. Really doesn't take much imagination. There could be multiple small children, ones who need a higher degree of care or caring for other relatives.

You could be a big gardener, grow all your fruit and vegetables and preserve it. As well as flowers, and making various foods and other products from them. You could keep chickens too.

You could makes clothes and self craft gifts and cards for giving throughout the year. Plus do house maintenance.

Batch cooking. Making your own wines and beers. All useful work. Financially rewarding in the money that can be saved. Of course you can make being a SAHP a full time job if you want to.

arethereanyleftatall · 01/04/2015 21:18

I think the thing you do for the most amount of time is the hardest. So, dh, woh, sees looking after the kids 1 day a week as a break. Me, sahm mon - fri - but I view the one day a week I work,Sunday, as my break.

sailoratsea · 01/04/2015 21:19

What does it matter what turn of phrase people use to describe themselves? Do you want SAHMs to walk around looking ashamed and saying they are nothing?

Zippidydoodah · 01/04/2015 21:19

I'm not sure what's harder personally; being at home with three under five, or my part time teaching job. Both hard. Both seriously suck at times.

TwinkieTwinkle · 01/04/2015 21:19

Surely us working, single mothers do the equivalent of what SAHM do, in addition to a career? I'm not saying being a SAHM is not demanding but I could understand why it could get frustrating for people listening to them bemoan their lives. Further up the thread a poster said a SAHM starts as soon as her kids get up and doesn't end for 12-14 hours. What do you think working mothers do? Leave them to fend for themselves? No, they do the same stuff in the morning for them, drop them at school like SAHM do.

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