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AIBU?

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Original poster

to think SAHMs should stop referring to this as "a full time job"?

552 replies

ConfusedintheNorth · 01/04/2015 20:50

Ok I'm probably going to get pulled apart for this, but this really gets under my skin. Every time I go on facebook or twitter there are a barrage of statuses/comments from friends who are SAHM going on about how busy and hectic their lives are and how "being a mother is a full time job", and it's driving me insane! I'm sorry but it's just not, is it? I was a single mother who home schooled, and ran my own business full time, and managed to get through every day without any sort of time travel devise. I am aware everyone does things differently and I'm possibly over reacting, but seriously if you only have a couple of kids, a supportive partner and don't have to work, in the grand scheme of things you have it pretty good and should probably stop endlessly telling the world how hard your life is. (and breath!)

OP posts:
TheLastThneed · 03/04/2015 11:54

Gennz, that is so true. I work part time. My days with DD are much harder and much more tiring, but so much more enjoyable. If I was looking after someone else's children it would be a job, but looking after my child isn't a job. Hard? Yes. A job? Abosolutely not.

People who don't have children still have to do washing, cleaning, ironing etc. If they didn't do it, they'd have to pay someone else to do it, so they're doing extra work outside their working hours too surely?

I don't thing SAHMs have it easy, but it's not a job. I feel as though I'm splitting hairs because we're all working hard and the description shouldn't really matter.

TheLastThneed · 03/04/2015 11:58

*Must refresh before posting. Mumbehaving...you're so much more eloquent than I am...Smile

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 12:18

Stacey Grin I took for granted that we both grew our own food! Did I mention that I made all our own clothes, woven from scratch?

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 12:22

That's a lot of clothes for nineteen of us, Stacey. But I find fifteen minutes sleep a night perfectly ample. Any more is a bit indulgent, frankly.

StaceyAndTracey · 03/04/2015 12:59

But do you keep your own sheep for wool ? And grow your own cotton ? And all the plants for dyes ?

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 13:14

All that, Stacey - plus I built our house single-handedly, using only eco-materials and drained a lake before I started. I had to give up my 15 minutes sleep a night for three months to do courses on carpentry, masonry and plumbing but it was worth it. Building my own forklift from a kit helped to keep down expenses.

Annabanana1812 · 03/04/2015 13:18

I kinda agree with op on this, having a child is a choice so therefore is a no brainer that you will have to look after it 24/7 but at the same time it's not a job. A Jo is where you work at earn money to live off. To many people are choosing to have children and live of other means of money eg benifits etc. I myself am on benifits with ha 6 mont old baby but I will be starting a new degree in September and should gain full time employment after it. I don't think raising children should be classed as a full time job

StaceyAndTracey · 03/04/2015 13:25

Grin at better call Saul . Loving the kit forklift

I think you win Star

As long as you remember that none of these things count as a full time job. It's not work unless a man does it someone else pays you.

Nothing has any beauty, worth or validity in this world unless money changes hands for it

Philoslothy · 03/04/2015 13:26

It's not a job or equal to one but it is a valuable contribution to your family who will appreciate it. Just as the working parents family appreciate the contribution they make.

I don't care if people are sahp or wp but I do think we should acknowledge each contribution in a rational way and not pretend that they are equal, the same thing.

I do think that the contribution I make to family life is equal to my husband's, yes it is less work, yes it is probably more fun but like my husband I have a huge impact on the lives of my family. When we were both working life has sometimes essay hectic, stressful everybody was rushing about. Now life is calm.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 13:31

And I'd like to stress that my five businesses didn't suffer. Two were quoted on the Stock Exchange in January and I've just received notification of being nominated as "Business Person of The Century" for our galaxy.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 13:37

Oh, I've just noticed your magnanimous concession, Stacey! We would actually make a great team! All that ability, knowledge and em, children! Grin

Christinayangstwistedsister · 03/04/2015 13:38

better and saul

I'm not sure you are really contributing to family life...think you should cut down on all your faffing about...I mean 15 minutes of sleep is very indulgent, who looks after your dcs when you are doing this?????

StaceyAndTracey · 03/04/2015 13:41

Yup , my kids could teach your kids to sail On your lake

I assume it's big enough to sail on ?

< wonders if we have pissed off the goady Op enough yet>

Philoslothy · 03/04/2015 13:44

I am not sure nether posters are taking the piss out of me or another poster but if it is somebody else I think that is rather unfair and not very supportive of others mothers which is what this site is supposedly about.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 14:04

Absolutely no targeting of posters, Philoslothy! Just an oblique comment on the competitive element that always enters these threads at some point: that is the really unsupportive thing here.

StaceyAndTracey · 03/04/2015 14:06

Philo - I think I said that my piss taking was about the OP, who was goady . It's not anything to do with others, including you, who have posted serious comments .

Posters are often replying to a comment a while ago,not to the one that comes just before theirs, especially if a thead is busy

Anyway , Ops post was nothing to do with supporting other mothers , it was about criticising them . And about boasting , not even stealthily .

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 14:12

Hear hear - the motivation for these threads is never good, no matter how it's dressed up.

Philoslothy · 03/04/2015 14:12

I just don't see why we can't debate things without accusing each other of lying or making personal digs.

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 14:14

That was to my business partner Stacey, by the way!

Summeblaze · 03/04/2015 14:53

I really don't get these threads at all.

To me it seems extremely simple.

SAHM - get up with kids at 7.00. Run around getting them ready and to school/Childcare, where they get looked after while you go to work. Finish work, come home, run around until you go to bed at 11.00.

Working mum - get up with kids at 7.00, run around getting them ready and take them to school or to park/tumble tots. Take care of little ones before picking older kids up and the run around til you go to bed at 11.00.

Now why is either of them harder or easier than the other. Both mums have worked all day (full time) just at different things. The Childcare through the day is just passed on so you can go to work whereas SAHM's just do that Childcare. If you work, you don't feed your child lunch as well as dinner when you get home. It's already been done. You wouldn't wipe their bums an extra 5 times as the Childcare provider did that while you were at work.

NobodyLivesHere · 03/04/2015 15:02

I find going to work with adults who appreciate and respond to my input, using my brain to solve issues and getting paid (!) Far more enjoyable than I ever did with two under 2's whose only way of communicating was to yell at me like mini dictators personally. Grin

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 15:35

Summeblaze - exactly! There is no argument here: both lifestyles have the same value. But there is always someone who would like to make it into an argument.

That's why we should deny them the pleasure.

Mrsfrumble · 03/04/2015 17:22

Can we get together a movement of posters willing to boycott these threads? Just ignore then and don't bother replying? Or pile in and take the piss? Or start posting about completely unrelated subjects?

Because let's face it, any salient points to be made on the subject were probably posted within the first month of mumsnet's existence, and everything since has been tedious rehashing.

swazza · 03/04/2015 17:26

Summerblaze - you put that so much better than me! That is what I was trying to say!

Bettercallsaul1 · 03/04/2015 17:32

Well, I did my best to take the piss, Mrsfrumble! [with the able assistance of Stacey!] Totally agree that they should either be ignored or derailed into something more pleasant. There were some very good, thoughtful posts in this thread but mostly, posters were falling into the trap of arguing over something that wasn't a sincere or well-intentioned proposition.