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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding AIBU....

240 replies

PBlaarth · 31/03/2015 17:58

Hello. I've seen these sort of posts on AIBU before, but obviously I'd like a personalised view on my situation.

Got an invite to an August wedding, hand delivered this morning, addressed to my husband, for the whole shindig. I haven't been invited. Not even as a 'plus one'. I don't know the couple, but we invited them to our evening do at our wedding last year (they didn't attend), so they know I exist.

I'm pissed off because I think it's rude and insulting. Bad etiquette.

I'm annoyed with my DH because he doesn't see why I'm so annoyed and offended. It's not like I'm his girlfriend of a few months....we're married with a small baby (gorgeous boy, born 10 weeks ago, love being a mum!!).

I started off by saying I'm not happy him going without me; ended up saying you're NOT going without me. We're a family and come as a package. I wouldn't go to a friend's wedding if they didn't invite my DH and DS. He said he'd have a word with them, see if they just 'forgot'. I don't want to go now anyway, and don't really want to have to spend the money on us all going, but AIBU?

Also, and this shouldn't be considered when replying, but...they have a wedding WEBSITE. Including pages such as Q&As, How we met, About us, Venue...etc etc and other such pretentious cuntery of the like I have never seen.....

thanks ladies and gents
xx

OP posts:
Bambambini · 31/03/2015 19:51

"Pretentious cuntary" - you definitely shouldn't go then.

Defending websites pretentious cuntary weddings - Some friends (husbands )had a massive, humungous, mega expensive, rather OTT wedding in many folks eyes, white party the night before - the OMG website with how they met, little poems etc. We did roll our eyes (it was America) but it was possibly one of the loveliest and best weddings I've been to (everyone was crying - everyone) and now I feel a bit guilty now or scoffing and eye rolling. It was fabulous and beautiful. Don't diss these big weddings just because they are a bit different.

Metalguru · 31/03/2015 19:59

OP yanbu, not as far as I'm concerned anyway. I would be miffed if DH was invited to the whole day (implying close friends) but I wasn't invited, maybe that means I ABU too :) but it wouldn't feel right, I suspect in RL more people would see your point of view, which I don't think has anything to do with "not having an identity" or being "unable to do things separately."

YANBU!

TendonQueen · 31/03/2015 20:01

I'm with BatteryPoweredHen and SukieTuesday here. How on earth is it seen as ok to celebrate a marriage by only inviting one of the couple? It'd be like having a christening but banning all other kids. Not on, they are BU, and YANBU in what you said about it for me. The only time this is ok for me is if you know you will be one of a group attending who have something in common (so usually work colleagues) so you'll be with them.

TweedAddict I imagine many will disagree with me but I don't think it's on to invite a whole family except for the dad, no.

Ginmartini Clearly the 1970s and 1980s were experienced differently by different people. If anyone I knew had only invited one half of a married couple to a wedding, it would have been considered very odd and anti-social behaviour.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2015 20:09

Well done for taking the responses so gracefully op.

I find the attitude that partners should always be invited, even if you've never met them, at the expense of a friend (since numbers are generally finite) really strange. I would be mightily pissed off if I didn't make the cut off list of a reasonable friend, but they had half a dozen guests they'd never met.

Jewels234 · 31/03/2015 20:12

Seriously? You do absolutely everything together? Weddings are expensive, I have no idea why you would think you automatically get an invite?

And as for the 'cuntery'. Do you know how much money that saves in RSVP cards? And how much it helps guests plan their time? And how it saves so many questions? And the environmental benefits of less paper being used?

Your post makes me so angry! YABU!

ThroughThickandThin · 31/03/2015 20:16

YANBU. Op. YANBU repeat.

Really rude of the couple. Weddings are all about marriage and relationships, yet they want to invite someone and exclude his wife. Very, very odd.

My Dh just wouldn't want to go, and vice versa.

Lavenderice · 31/03/2015 20:21

YABU, and entitled, and controlling.

MaidOfStars · 31/03/2015 20:21

It'd be like having a christening but banning all other kids
Um, I don't really see a problem with this either.

TheSingingMonkey · 31/03/2015 20:22

Read the thread people, the OP has been back and realised SWBU.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 31/03/2015 20:23

Op came back and said her and Dh don't do everything together. Have some posters missed that? Hmm

ThroughThickandThin · 31/03/2015 20:23

YABU, and entitled, and controlling Confused MN bingo all in one go. And ridiculous. Nice one Lavenderice

Jengnr · 31/03/2015 20:24

You celebrate a marriage with the people you love. Not by inviting strangers at their expense.

I was invited to a wedding without my husband recently. He said 'have a nice time'. He's never met the couple, why would he expect an invitation?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 31/03/2015 20:25

Good to see you came back op Smile

Other people's weddings are over rated, I think. Especially when you don't even know them

MaidOfStars · 31/03/2015 20:25

And all this 'disrespecting marriage' talk....

Bollocks. My husband gets an invitation and I don't? It's not disrespecting our marriage, it's them having the people they want at their wedding. If I don't make the cut (and I can't see a specific snub), then I don't get angry. Not everyone likes me as much as they like my husband. And those people like a third party more than me. I can deal with that.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 31/03/2015 20:26

Let your DH go, organise a fab night out with friends and leave the baby with Mil. Sorted!

ImperialBlether · 31/03/2015 20:32

I love the idea that people have a wedding website to save the environment.

Rafflesway · 31/03/2015 20:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skinnylegs33 · 31/03/2015 20:36

YANBU. Definitely not!
Your dh is a bit of an arse if he chooses to go without you.
It's not a bachelor party, nor drinks with colleagues or mates. It's a wedding, there should definitely be a plus one on the invite and because there isn't he should decline - without being told to do so. I believe its called common sense not "family horseshite" Hmm

ThroughThickandThin · 31/03/2015 20:39

Totally agree skinny I'm astounded by some comments saying the opposite.

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 31/03/2015 20:40

Fwiw Yanbu op.

Skinnylegs words it better than me.

kali110 · 31/03/2015 20:48

Why should her husband have to decline?so he can only catchup if it's a bachelor party? So her dp has no female friends he is allowed to catchup with then?what a sexist thread.

Lavenderice · 31/03/2015 20:49

HOUSE! Grin ThroughThickandThin

All this talk of weddings are about celebrating marriage and coupledom makes me think why I was inviting to any when I was single!

honeyroar · 31/03/2015 20:49

YANBU.

I think it's rude to invite only one half of a cohabiting or married couple. You're not just a plus one, you're a couple that ought to go together to formal events. To invite the mother and children of a family but not the dad is very strange IMO, although dad may be delighted!

I don't think it's insulting people to just invite them to the evening do. To me it still says we want you there to celebrate. I don't know they type of people who can afford to feed thousands at a wedding, so understand there sometimes need to be some cutbacks. I also understand that most people would want to attend with their partners, whether at the day or evening do. I actually think that I enjoy the evening dos more!

However I thought OP's reaction was a bit OTT initially, but I admired her humble comeback later in the thread.

maliaki · 31/03/2015 20:49

ImperialBlether No it's usually to save on price of the invites, at least the ones I've see have been. Very small cards from hobby craft or card factory with the website in the bottom and all the information on venue/times and dates/directions and nearby taxis, buses and accommodation.

It's one of the ways to have a cheaper wedding, my DH and I saw it there when we were looking at budget ideas though our invites were big enough not to need.

Lavenderice · 31/03/2015 20:50

*why I was invited. (Bloody auto-correct)

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