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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Another wedding AIBU....

240 replies

PBlaarth · 31/03/2015 17:58

Hello. I've seen these sort of posts on AIBU before, but obviously I'd like a personalised view on my situation.

Got an invite to an August wedding, hand delivered this morning, addressed to my husband, for the whole shindig. I haven't been invited. Not even as a 'plus one'. I don't know the couple, but we invited them to our evening do at our wedding last year (they didn't attend), so they know I exist.

I'm pissed off because I think it's rude and insulting. Bad etiquette.

I'm annoyed with my DH because he doesn't see why I'm so annoyed and offended. It's not like I'm his girlfriend of a few months....we're married with a small baby (gorgeous boy, born 10 weeks ago, love being a mum!!).

I started off by saying I'm not happy him going without me; ended up saying you're NOT going without me. We're a family and come as a package. I wouldn't go to a friend's wedding if they didn't invite my DH and DS. He said he'd have a word with them, see if they just 'forgot'. I don't want to go now anyway, and don't really want to have to spend the money on us all going, but AIBU?

Also, and this shouldn't be considered when replying, but...they have a wedding WEBSITE. Including pages such as Q&As, How we met, About us, Venue...etc etc and other such pretentious cuntery of the like I have never seen.....

thanks ladies and gents
xx

OP posts:
drbonnieblossman · 31/03/2015 18:30

You got a lucky escape OP. They sound like twats with their website for a start. Don't object to your DH going though. Breath a sigh of relief that you don't have to go. Make sure the gift and card don't include you or your son.

whathavewedonenow99 · 31/03/2015 18:30

They are BU in not inviting you.
YABU in saying your H cannot go without you.

BUT, 'pretentious cuntary' is fabulous. Must try to use it tomorrow at work! :)

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 18:32

Bet the website has one of those wanky guides to how you can pay for their honeymoon.

ThereMustAndShallBeTea · 31/03/2015 18:32

Evening do invite = B list friend
Only inviting DH = B list friend

Same thing, surely?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 31/03/2015 18:32

And please don't post a link to their website for people here to mock. That would be a massive invasion of their privacy and very unfair. Whatever makes them happy is fine.

Not saying you would but others have asked you to.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 18:33

They're probably hoping neither of you go, but give them a present.

kali110 · 31/03/2015 18:36

Omg, you don't even know the couple yet you're complaining that you and ds are notinvited??
It's your husbands friend!
Couples, even married couples are allowed to go to places seperately!
To the then tehh your dh that he cannot go just because he didn't rush to agree with you is appalling.
If this was a man doing all this everyone would be rushing to say he was controlling and to leave him, but because you're a woman it should be different?

Joyfulleastersquad · 31/03/2015 18:36

YANBU at all about the invite. It's twattish.

Joyfulleastersquad · 31/03/2015 18:40

It's not a lads night out or a work do is it? It's a wedding which usually (in RL not MN world) means it's a family affair.

itsnotmeitsyou1 · 31/03/2015 18:41

Totally unreasonable to expect yourself to go, even worse if you are peed off your baby isn't invited. Just because you're married and popped out a kid, does not automatically make you one body with two heads. Why on earth would you want to go? I mean, I wouldn't want to drag myself out of the house, make an effort, spend money, etc, on people I don't even know. Face it, it's just a party you're not invited to. No biggie.

Hillingdon · 31/03/2015 18:42

has the OP come back? I had a small wedding, very upmarket but small... I didnt want children attending and left out loads of relations who I dont see from year to year. Still dont see them so it didnt make any difference not asking them.

I think if you had been invited and not your PFB you would be moaning about that too.

Just let your DH go and stop moaning (not that it is up to you to decide whether he goes or not!)

Its like those people on planes who dont pay for the option to sit together kicking off that they cannot possibily sit apart for a flight lasting 2 hours. Had this on two seperate occasions. The chief steward told one couple they would be off loaded if they didnt sit down as we were in danger of losing our take off slot. Silly sods!

ahbollocks · 31/03/2015 18:46

Yanbu op.
Theyve invited him to celebrate their love without respecting his.
This happened to me and dh last year who told them we come as a pair or not at all

Procrastinatingpeacock · 31/03/2015 18:46

This wouldn't bother me at all. In fact, it has happened to me and it didnt bother me! Friend of DH's who I had never met. Why would they want to have me at their wedding at the expense of someone they actually know?

anothernumberone · 31/03/2015 18:47

This thread shows why it is a waste of time asking some questions on MN you get a commited 50/50 split. Grin

SukieTuesday · 31/03/2015 18:47

YANBU. It's very rude to invite one half of a couple to the whole day.

AryaOfWinterfell · 31/03/2015 18:49

I agree with Kew.

You may be married, you may have a child together, but are you joined at the hip? Can you really not do anything separately?

You don't day how your dh knows the couple, but maybe they've invited the rest of the sports team/work colleagues/old uni friends and feel like they have to invite dh because of that, but due to numbers or money can't invite you.

MyCatIsAGit · 31/03/2015 18:51

I invited work friends on their own not couples, others I invoted the couple bug only the one who actually knew me turned up. No idea I was committing such a faux pas! Yabvu and a big spoilt. He should go and enjoy himself, you get to do something else another time.

SukieTuesday · 31/03/2015 18:53

Inviting work friends to the evening do as a group (without partners) is fine. You don't exclude partners from whole day invites, particularly when you were both invited to their wedding.

ethelb · 31/03/2015 18:53

YANBU regarding the invite. I do think it i quite rude. We have given single people plus ones so they don't have to come on their own if they don't want to (as well as inviting SOs and LOs).

However, I'm a bit shocked at this reaction to wedding websites. I have one Blush But in my defence all it has on it is the invitation info for people who had lost theirs as we send them out ages ago (and they didn't include requests for cash).

It must be because I am a horrible American...

On the other hand, at least I have given my guests something to moan about.

Ketchuphidestheburntbits · 31/03/2015 18:54

YANBU

I think it's very rude to only invite one half of a married couple. A wedding is supposed to formally celebrate becoming a couple yet they are excluding half of another married couple. I don't get why they would do that, it's better not to be invited at all than have your spouse excluded.

There is no way that either my DH or I would accept a wedding invitation without both of us being included.

Do pp who say they would attend on their own, feel awkward if there is dancing in the evening? Do you dance on your own or avoid the dance floor completely?

Starlightbright1 · 31/03/2015 18:56

I think YBU...How does your DH know this couple.

I assume you invited them because they were your husbands friends not yours?

I think your wedding and theirs have no relevance. They may be only inviting people they know.

If a women had posted on here her DH refused to let her go out alone there would be uproar about been controlling.

If they consider DH close enough to invite to whole event it would also cost to invite you , a lot more than an extra for the buffet.

arethereanyleftatall · 31/03/2015 18:58

Yabu.

And really silly to not have your own lives as parents. Haven't ever seen that end well in rl.

maliaki · 31/03/2015 19:00

YABU, you don't know them and they don't know you.

You shouldn't have ranted at him just told him you considered it bad etiquette and it upset you to be excluded. Let him decide if he wants to go or not and see if he'd chose to call them off his own back, if he agreed with you.

If you think their website is cuntery perhaps it's better you aren't going to the wedding, you probably wouldn't enjoy their tastes. I like wedding websites, all the information and easily connected to google. I ignore the cute stuff though and just use the useful. Much easier not to lose too.

madreloco · 31/03/2015 19:04

I loathe it when people say we're a family, we come as a package...do you have no identity left of your own? As for telling your partner whether they are allowed to go somewhere....thats extremely controlling and bloody unreasonable!

And for all the this is rude, that is rude...the only rude thing is telling people what they can and cant do for their wedding!

TweedAddict · 31/03/2015 19:04

Oh god I've just done this. I've invited a group of friends and the children but the the DH, I've never met them-ever! We are tight on numbers and if I invite DH then other family wouldn't be able to come. I'm sorry too say that if I don't know you then no invite. I've invited the children as met them and have been on many play dates with them.

Is this really that wrong??