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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Another wedding AIBU....

240 replies

PBlaarth · 31/03/2015 17:58

Hello. I've seen these sort of posts on AIBU before, but obviously I'd like a personalised view on my situation.

Got an invite to an August wedding, hand delivered this morning, addressed to my husband, for the whole shindig. I haven't been invited. Not even as a 'plus one'. I don't know the couple, but we invited them to our evening do at our wedding last year (they didn't attend), so they know I exist.

I'm pissed off because I think it's rude and insulting. Bad etiquette.

I'm annoyed with my DH because he doesn't see why I'm so annoyed and offended. It's not like I'm his girlfriend of a few months....we're married with a small baby (gorgeous boy, born 10 weeks ago, love being a mum!!).

I started off by saying I'm not happy him going without me; ended up saying you're NOT going without me. We're a family and come as a package. I wouldn't go to a friend's wedding if they didn't invite my DH and DS. He said he'd have a word with them, see if they just 'forgot'. I don't want to go now anyway, and don't really want to have to spend the money on us all going, but AIBU?

Also, and this shouldn't be considered when replying, but...they have a wedding WEBSITE. Including pages such as Q&As, How we met, About us, Venue...etc etc and other such pretentious cuntery of the like I have never seen.....

thanks ladies and gents
xx

OP posts:

yeahokthen · 31/03/2015 18:15

I've never heard of a married/cohabiting couple not both being invited to a wedding unless if was a work colleague/ hockey club teammate or similar.

Do you want to go are are you just cross because you're not invited?

Chillyegg · 31/03/2015 18:15

YABU your not entitled to an invite and i think its a bit shit you told your DH he cant go. Now he's in an awkward situation about asking if they forgot you?! Why would you want to go any way?

Also if you don't know these people and they haven't done anything wrong i think its mean to rip them for their website. Yes its rather an 'individual' choice but who gives a diddle!

chanie44 · 31/03/2015 18:15

Sorry I think yabu.

You have never met them, why do you care? Let your DH go and tell him to have a nice time.

anothernumberone · 31/03/2015 18:16

They are being unreasonable. You do not invite one person from a couple to an event that is purely designed to celebrate the value of coupledom. Invite both or invite neither IMHO.

Feckeggblue · 31/03/2015 18:17

Yep I think if anything a wedding website is a little old fashioned since they were more used before FB etc!

Another on the fence- I can't imagine not inviting spouses whether I knew them or not and think it's pretty poor manners but not particularly shocking or terrible.

paddyclampo · 31/03/2015 18:17

I wouldn't be especially thrilled if DH was invited to a wedding without me tbh so YANBU

TwinkieTwinkle · 31/03/2015 18:18

Another thread where if it was a man who behaved like this to a woman, she'd be getting told, in no uncertain terms, to LTB...

QueenBean · 31/03/2015 18:18

How is everyone missing a really key bit of info from the opening post??!

we invited them to our evening do at our wedding last year

Of course it's bloody rude that these people not only invited the husband and not the OP!!

Hidingmyidentity · 31/03/2015 18:18

YANBU, it's rude to invite just one half of a married couple but YABU to stop him from going.

He should not want to go without you ;) but I expect he has realised that by now.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 18:19

YABU.

atonofwashing · 31/03/2015 18:19

Sorry, but you are being a bit u.
It's their wedding, they can ask whomever they want. Or not.
Sometimes you have to be ruthless with the guest list..
If you want to, go to debretts.com and read about wedding etiquette.

Yes, it's abit hurtful, but you will get over it. ANd they didn't attend your wedding anyway. Think of it as a lucky escape!
Plenty of us have been invited to weddings we attended, but quite frankly would rather have not!

FarFromAnyRoad · 31/03/2015 18:20

I don't know who's being unreasonable here as I close down on wedding conundrums but I do have to say that 'pretentious cuntery' is fabulous and I will now be using it everywhere as if I had invented it!

Cantbelievethisishappening · 31/03/2015 18:20

YABU
I only invited partners of people I knew. I had a few people there without partners. I just couldn't afford it otherwise.
You are coming across as really quite hysterical. Your DH is not part of you.
Lots of couples have wedding websites.

BorisJohnsonsHair · 31/03/2015 18:20

I really don't get the "he's not allowed to go because I haven't been invited" line. You're two individuals for goodness sake. When you go to work do you expect him to go with you? No.

Weddings are very expensive affairs and it would probably cost £50 or so to invite each spouse that they don't know well, so I don't blame them. Also they probably don't want young babies at their wedding (as they are prone to being a bloody nuisance).

So in answer to your question, you are being unreasonable.

expatinscotland · 31/03/2015 18:21

'How is everyone missing a really key bit of info from the opening post??!

we invited them to our evening do at our wedding last year'

Yes, and? Evening do's, big whoop, B-list disco.

They didn't attend, either.

DrEllieSattler · 31/03/2015 18:22

"Pretentious cuntary" has made my day!

EdithWeston · 31/03/2015 18:22

Who OP chose to invite is totally irrelevant to who this couple choose to invite. They are separate events, and one is not conditional on the other nir does it set up obligations.

Agree that it's nicer to invite couples if you can.

But do not agree that you must. Or that you lose individuality in marriage to such an extent that you can't be invited in your own right as one person.

atonofwashing · 31/03/2015 18:25

Queen bean, fair point, but some people are hugely offended with an evening invite...which is maybe why they didn't go, although we'll never know the reason...

IMO

MaryWestmacott · 31/03/2015 18:25

YABU - they were rude to invite just one half of a couple, unless it's a tiny "just family and 2-3 guests each" type wedding. (Website suggests otherwise) But you were very U to tell your DH what he's allowed to do! He might not want to go to a wedding where he's not allowed someone to acompany him, he might not want to go to a wedding of someone who's been rude to his DW, but if he does want to, you don't get to decide for him that he should be offended.

If your DH was suggesting spending your mortgage payment on doing something he wanted to do that you didn't want him to, then you'd be allowed to say "no" but beyond that, your DS's mum, not DHs, he doesn't need to ask your permission to play out.

Snottybiyatch · 31/03/2015 18:25

Tbh - I shouldnt really be on this thread as I will proabbly upset a few people! Good bye!

Hillingon why on earth would you think that? I don't agree with all of what you said but surely you are as entitled (in the old fashioned sense!) to say what you think as anyone (and who just made me MN police we may never know! )

KenAdams · 31/03/2015 18:26

Wedding websites are great! The best one I ever saw, the couple had said which were the nearest and which were the cheapest hotels nearby, even bragging a discount code! Saved no end of trawling through the internet.

DoJo · 31/03/2015 18:27

How is everyone missing a really key bit of info from the opening post??!

I don't think anyone is missing that - just because you think it entitles the OP to an invitation to this couple's wedding doesn't mean everyone agrees, especially as they didn't even attend. People have different sized weddings - for some a 'plus one' is 'more the merrier' but for others it means they might have to exclude a close friend or family member so they can host someone they have barely met.

MrsPeterQuill · 31/03/2015 18:28

Bloody hell, OP. Getting married and having kids does not mean that you can't ever go anywhere as individuals ever again. And you told him he can't go?! I wouldn't blame him if he went and on his own and didn't bother coming back. Imagine the uproar on here if the roles were reversed. Everyone would be telling you to LTB

TidyDancer · 31/03/2015 18:29

Not missing the point about the evening do, but I think this is only of limited relevance. What's more important is that the op doesn't know the couple. I wouldn't want someone I didn't know at my wedding tbh.

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 31/03/2015 18:29

Why the hell would you WANT to go to a wedding of people you do not know I'd be counting my lucky stars if I were you.

YABVU Trying to forbid your DH from going.

Over reacting much??

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