Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH putting his image before baby's comfort

157 replies

unodostres · 29/03/2015 08:46

I know this isn't really a big deal, but I want to figure out if IABU to be a bit annoyed at DH or is it just pg hormones?
PFB due imminently and we hadn't got a sling. I'd read loads of reviews and really wanted to get an Amawrap as it sounds great to use and comfortable and comforting for baby.
However, yesterday DH said he'd point blank refuse to carry baby in a wrap style sling because it's not "manly" enough and would only be seen wearing baby in a black, rucksack style carrier with straps etc. (Wasn't even joking one bit!)
So I ordered a Baby Bjorn and didn't mind at the time but now feel Angry and Sad as I've read reviews and looked at pics and just don't think it sounds or looks as comfy for baby, and we can't afford to buy a wrap style sling as well so that's it now. And I'm partly annoyed at myself for agreeing to the Bjorn when actually DH works so much I'll be the one carrying baby anyway.
AIBU to think that DH is actually a bit childish? Hmm

OP posts:
LittleMissRayofHope · 29/03/2015 08:59

Haven't read all replies but just wanted to say that my ExH refused point blank to use the buggy with dd as a baby. He always opted to carry her either in his arms or in the carrier (baby Bjorn - think this is great!).

Dd was 2.2 when DS was born. And ExH (dh then) still flatly refused to use the buggy (have a phil&teds inline). He would put DS in carrier and try to get dd to walk. Then be infuriated when it took forever and she got tired and grumpy.
He still won't take it on his contact days.
Some men really just can't handle the idea of how they look. Despite seeing hundreds of other men happily doing it.

I think baby Bjorn is a great carrier and nth my kids loved being in it.
BUT if it isn't for you then return it and be prepared for your dh to never do any of the carrying

Sundaysmumisfullofwine · 29/03/2015 08:59

You are also assuming PFB will tolerate being in a sling. mine hated slings. I am more hopeful for number 2.
Has DH been similarly precious about prams etc?

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 29/03/2015 09:00

Get what you want if you're the one that will mostly be using it. He's entitled to his opinion though. Also, you don't know till you try, I thought I'd love using slings but then didn't get on with them at all. Your DH might go the other way, you never know.

PepperMallow · 29/03/2015 09:00

I used the BB for all of mine when v little then with youngest only I bought a less structured one which is great. If you want another one have you looked on facebook selling pages or similar? I often see BBs on my local page for under £20. Could you return your BB, buy the wrap sling and the BB second hand? Or even both?

PotteringAlong · 29/03/2015 09:01

Go to a sling library! You can hire any one of hundreds of slings and try one that suits you. Get DH a plain black connecta!

For what it's worth, before we had children my DH would've scoffed at a sling but he's now an expert wrapper!

SoupDragon · 29/03/2015 09:03

I would return the Baby Bjorn and get a sling that is better for the baby. You can get them in "manly" fabrics. I cArried DD in a pouch type sling until she was 2.5 - I could not have done that with a BabyBjorn type (which I had for DSs)

Italiangreyhound · 29/03/2015 09:03

If you will be the one carrying baby get the sling you want. He will come round. Baby wearing is not essential for all. Your hubby isn't able to think of baby as a real entity yet, as others have said, that is how much dh felt. He fell in love with baby at birth. Baby now currently 10 and total pain sometimes but dh and I still love her and her brother to bits. It all takes time. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and congratulations.

Branleuse · 29/03/2015 09:03

i think if he likes the idea of a baby bjorn more then thats his choice isnt it, not yours

katese11 · 29/03/2015 09:04

Get a wrap as well! My moby cost £8 from eBay so they aren't hugely expensive (check babywearing FSOT on fbook for 2nd hand ones). We had a bjorn with our first, it did the job but the moby with our second was far more comfortable. Dh happily wore the moby but he's never been overly concerned with his manly image

purplemeggie · 29/03/2015 09:04

I know they're very popular and I'll probably get flamed for this, but Baby Bjorns are not as good for your baby: the baby's weight all hangs from its hips, whereas the softer sling-style ones support the baby's weight all round. Most people stop using their Baby Bjorn within a few months because "the baby is too big for it now", whereas you can carry on using a soft mei-tai type sling until your child is at least 3. I'd take the Baby Bjorn back and get what you really want. If DH is going to be silly about it, he can buy his own sling...

littleducks · 29/03/2015 09:04

I would always suggest a sling library if there is one near you, I have used different styles and what I loved and hated wasn't what I thought and one my baby hated and screamed in for no apparent reason.

However I think (huge generalisation) men can often prefer structured carriers with buckles. Maybe something like an Ergo would be better than a baby bjorn. DH loved seeing me/baby snuggled up in a moby type wrap but only used it about three times and wanted me to supervise tying (Tbf he never got to see the demo at the sling library). He hated ring slings as seemed to knock buckles making it slip and was conviced he would drop baby. He like the security of buckles!

Branleuse · 29/03/2015 09:04

youre making a really weird unfair value judgement on him for his preference of sling.

hmc · 29/03/2015 09:05

Your dh is allowed his own preferences. However, if I was the one who would mostly be carrying baby I would order my preference and he would just have to make do with the pushchair / pram if he refused the sling (or carry baby in the car seat - he'd soon get sick of that!)

qazxc · 29/03/2015 09:06

Could you get a refund on baby Bjorn or buy a second hand wrap? As you're going to do most of the caarying you should get what you feel more comfortable with.
Having said that the baby will have his or her own ideas (I have several second hand carriers that were only used a handful of times as they were either uncomfortable for me or dd hated them).
Dp loved the Moby (although I had to toe ot on him) because "it made him look like a Jedi" and I found it the comfiest because I'm on the larger side and nothing digs in and no faffing with buckles adjusting between me and dp wearing it.

kungfupannda · 29/03/2015 09:08

I would return the BB and get a stretchy wrap to start with. Have a look on sites like Natural Mamas for second-hand wraps to keep the cost down.

I have several wraps, but DP always used an Ergo. He did use the stretchy wrap once or twice when we didn't have the Ergo with us but he always found it a faff to tie and was never going to be using it enough to learn to do it quickly and easily.

You do occasionally see men using wraps, but most men do seem to prefer buckle carriers. Most of the marketing of wrap carriers is aimed at women, and they tend to come in bright colours and patterns - not traditionally 'male' designs. So your DH may well find it off-putting if he's looking at lots of pictures of women draped in pastel pink and bright purple fabric, if that's not something he would generally wear.

Alwaysinahurrynow · 29/03/2015 09:09

Definitely return it but I would wait until baby is born to get anything as my DS hated anything and was much happier in the pram. I think the sling libraries are great as you can try everything out. I got an ergobaby 360 for DS2 and he is happy in it but sleeps better in the pram.

Runningupthathill82 · 29/03/2015 09:09

I liked my BabyBjorn. Found it very easy to get on and off, whereas I struggled with the slings that you have to tie.

But then, because we do a lot of walking, we got DS in the back carrier when he was big enough, so we could be out all day and it doubled as a rucksack.

I wouldn't worry too much about it now because you have no idea what sort of sling your DC will go in. My DS hated the babasling and Moby but liked the Baby Bjorn. You never can tell.

LST · 29/03/2015 09:10

I hated the blasted sling the breastfeeding clinc insited I brought. I had a carrier and that felt so much more secure. My dp wouldn't of ever worn a sling or carrier. He would've just carrier the baby. Each to their own.

antumbra · 29/03/2015 09:13

My OH would not have used a sling.
He was fine with a metal framed back carrier when the kids wre older, but he would have felt odd with a sling.

bluechameleon · 29/03/2015 09:16

Swap the Bjorn if you can. They are really uncomfortable because all the weight hangs off your shoulders. Go to your local sling library and look at mei tais or buckle carriers - they don't need to be any less 'manly' to be far more comfortable.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/03/2015 09:17

I have a BB and I like it. Didn't use it until 4 months though. Before then I had a charcoal close that was borrowed from a friend. DH was willing to use either of these but not the rainbow striped sling I'd borrowed from another friend. He didn't feel safe baby wearing with a newborn though.

I agree with the suggestion of returning the BB for now and then trying different styles when baby arrives.

anastaisia · 29/03/2015 09:18

YAB a bit U.

I think he is fine to want a carrier that he feels he would be comfortable using. I'd go for a different one though - do you have a sling library near you? It would be good to try them out before you commit to one, different people find different carriers comfortable. My partner liked his Ergo but I hated the padded straps so used a connecta when I wanted buckles.

WutheringFrights · 29/03/2015 09:20

We had a Kari-me sling, my DH had no problem wearing it. He was swarmed by women everytime he went out wearing it...

ZenNudist · 29/03/2015 09:22

I'm glad you're all sorted for the baby and now can start obsessing over the unimportant things Wink. Return it for now then wait til baby is here.

You might get a baby who doesn't need slinging about, content to lie in pushchair or sit in bouncer. I never used a sling with mine and I did actually have them in before ds1 was born . I had a BB (that I bought) plus a few wraps ( i was given) I realised how useless they all were. BB hurt my neck, but I have big babies.

I agree men seem to prefer a BB but think they hurt everyone's neck/ back! Get one off eBay. There's loads (like mine) that are barely used.

Until baby gets here focus on time for you. Go out for meals and to the cinema. Try and get some sleep! Enjoy alone time with dh rather than getting irritated . It will set you up for the exhausting newborn months.

Sorry to patronise, it's just a funny pfb. Post!

GladysTheGolem · 29/03/2015 09:22

I wouldn't pay full price for a baby Bjorn, they go for peanuts on ebay.

If he likes the manly look of buckles, you can get guitar, camera, superhero, Star Wars etc, or a custom one, £56 will buy you a connecta. Beco or patapum

Swipe left for the next trending thread